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If you are looking for fine dining, look no further than Ambrose Restaurant’s new London location. While other Ambrose locations cater to more plebian clientele, Ambrose London is an upscale location in the heart of London itself, and is a prime choice for anyone looking for a nice dinner.

I was recommended to Ambrose London by my Marshall, Carter and Dark sales representative, after particularly enjoying their selections at the Pretty Penny restaurant line, and some of their licensed food options with Ambrose Restaurants, such as the Phoenix à La Mode. I would consider this new location to be a worthy equal of those restaurants, and an ideal choice for fine dining.

Truly, I have no qualms to voice with this location. The service was impeccable and polite, the meals were cooked and served quickly, and everything was delightful in taste. Although pricey, the rarity of all the meals served more than justifies the cost - where else in the world does one have the opportunity to dine upon Kraken eggs, or have a live dragon come to the table? Ambrose London offers an experience that cannot be rivaled or found anywhere else in the entire world.

The dishes that I ordered (under their excellent prix fixe menu, which I found to have both good selection and pricing) were the Baked Potato Bug, the Lunar Gruyere Fondue, the Caviar Platter, the Dragon's Baked Alaska, with a bottle of Rubedo Reserve. Each was well prepared and absolutely delicious.

While the Baked Potato Bug calls to mind a different kind of establishment - one that caters to a somewhat lower clientele, I found it to be excellently prepared, and that the exotic origin of the bug made up for the base subject matter. (Unnaturally generated along with conceptual potato based matter, spawned from what may be the conceptual ideal of a potato. As such, this was the best execution of the dish possible.)

My only negative word to say concerning Ambrose London is that I was not able to eat everything. As such, I eagerly await my next visit.

Easily accessible from Three Portlands through Isle of Portland entrances, short walk from train station once within London. Reservations not currently long, but antipicated to grow quickly — may reach several months in advance.

Service impeccable, food to match.

Vegetarian options at every course of fixe prix, although generally only a single option. Adequate, full menu contains more options.

One menu option - Baked Potato Bug - could be labeled more clearly as non-vegetarian. While composed of plant matter, plant matter was previously sentient organism. Dish served with bacon, could have noted that it is not veg without bacon.

Yesterday's Bruschetta did not taste significantly different from a modern version of the dish. Tomato slightly different in taste, otherwise similar.

Alexylvan Soup was suitable. The recipe may have been from out of this world, but the flavor was fitting to this world.

The Five Senses Linguine made up for the mediocrity of the previous two servings. Completely foreign experience and rather pleasurable. Would not recommend for all, however.

Fruits of the Gods was a good selection, with the name suitable for the fruits served. Good selection all around.

Thousand-Year Merlot exsquisite, in contrast to the Bruschetta. Alternate temporal origin worked better for this dish, complemented and enhanced it well. Wine paired well with other courses.

I had the worst diarrhea of my life after having the Four Course Prix Fixe. I ordered the Baked Potato Bug, the Eternal Stew, the Crab-Stuffed Mushroom and the Dragon's Baked Alaska.

It all started very soon after I got home that night. Almost immediately after I did, I was struck by this horrible pain in my stomach, and I rushed to my bathroom as fast as I could. I spent the next three hours, in absolute agony, as my bowels ripped themselves apart, bound themselves back together, and like Prometheus, mercilessly repeated the process a hundred times.

I began to hallucinate that I was not alone in my bathroom, but grappled with a vision of a thousand demons in Hell, like Dante. A thousand monsters surrounded me, menacing me. This may have been nothing more than a hallucination, but it was horrifying.

And then, in a final moment of horror, there was a torturous moment of agony as my bowels emptied themselves, which seemed to last for no less than a hundred years. (The time on the bathroom clock, in it's taunting menace, did not change.)

With that completed, I have but a singular memory of collapsing unconscious onto the floor of my bathroom, blacking out.

During my blackout, I had a vision of eternal and heavenly bliss. A choir of angels surrounded me, singing blessed psalms and delivering me from evil. I danced among the clouds, free from the pain and agony that had grappled me earlier. It was nothing short of divine enlightenment, and I have become a devout Catholic afterward.

I woke up after that vision slumped in the doorframe of a Catholic church (a large part of the reason as to why I am now a Catholic), fully clothed and entirely clean. I quickly learned I was in Marrakesh, with no recollection of how I arrived there from London. I still do not know, to this day.

I had to tear down and completely renovate my bathroom after the sordid events of that night, and am currently involved in a lawsuit against Ambrose Restaurants to pay for the damages. I do not recommend dining at any of their establishments.

That being said, the meal was absolutely delicious.