Ambrose Three Portlands
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You Are
Cordially Invited

To the opening of Ambrose Three Portlands

Since its founding, Ambrose Restaraunts has worked diligently to provide the finest and most exotic culinary experience to all customers. We believe that the wonders of the world should not be held back from the general public, but rather be an unrestricted resource that anyone — no matter where they come from, or how wealthy they are — has access to.

In one month's time, we will be pleased to present the opening of our flagship location: Ambrose Three Portlands. Rather than represent a single restaurant, this location will be composed of three distinct branches to cater to all of the different culinary needs and desires of the residents of Three Portlands, so that nobody is left out.

  1. First, there will be the Ambrose Grab-n-Go Counter, offering affordable but strange options from around the anomalous world.
  2. Second will be Ambrose's Fish Shack, a sit down restaurant with sea food options inspired by Portland, Maine and the Isle of Portland. We are pleased to present a fine selection of extinct and rare fish for sale here.
  3. Lastly and most importantly, is Chaz and Marius, a Michelin Star dining experience like no other. Dining at Chaz and Marius will be by reservation only. (Due to prior incidents, Deer College students are prohibited from dining.)

We hope that you will be able to set aside time to visit us on opening night March 13th, 2020 at Chaz and Marius for an unforgettable dining experience. Dinner will begin at 7:00 PM (Eastern Standard Time) and will consist of a five course meal, lasting for four hours total. The founders of Ambrose Restaraunts will give speeches at 10:00 PM. Black tie dress is required. Additionally, we kindly ask that you leave all weapons at home for the evening.

The menu will be themed around the rare Fukushima Fire Lizard, a strange and simple creature that has grown accustomed to highly irradiated area around Okuma. The very evolution and survival of this creature is an impossibility, and the flavor it carries is just as impossible. The radiation that created it has given it an incomparable texture, and we hope that you will be as delighted to taste it as we were when we first tried it. Don't worry about danger: our chefs are trained professionals.

Respond No Later Than
March 1st


The Buck Stops Here



by Ghost House Advisor Jack Mader (⁂spaghetti_alfredo_)

Ambrose Restaurants' latest attempt at getting into the food market ended in flames — literally. Although the fire department isn't quite sure what happened, all signs indicate that one of the opening night specials dramatically overcooked the "Fukushima Fire Lizards", accidentally igniting their anomalous properties and creating a minor nuclear explosion. Even a first year Cryptozoology Major here at Deer could have explained why that was a bad idea.

Following the explosion, the scene at the restaurant erupted into chaos. Many of the patrons survived the blast (being rich enough to eat at Chaz and Marius means you're rich enough to survive a nuke) and immediately assumed the worst: an assassination attempt of some kind or another. Suspicions were only further fueled by the fact that just about everyone at the dinner seemed to be carrying enough weapons to each take down a raging bull elephant. The ensuing brawl result in nearly three times as much property damage as the actual explosion itself, only calmed down by the arrival of a fully armed UIU SWAT team.

It remains to be seen if Ambrose Restaurants will attempt any further operations in Three Portlands. Insider sources indicate that the powers that be of the city are immensely displeased with the recklessness caused by the company in the accident, and food carts owned and operated by the chain have been mysteriously absent from the streets over the past week. Rumor has it that all operation permits have been temporally suspended and are up for further review.

Chaz Ambrose could not be reached for a comment. (Continued on Page 5)

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