Danger: Trunko!
|
Hello, I'm a white wooly whale (Megaptera capillus), more commonly known as a Trunko! I inhabit waters on the southern Atlantic coast of Africa, and you can tell me apart from a normal whale due to the fact that I'm covered in white fur and possess a very large, elephant-like trunk! Several Critters such as myself are endangered, with only a few dozen in the world; we're lucky to have a total population of about two-hundred, but even that is steadily decreasing, due to illegal whaling operations carried out by individuals interested in our bodies. |
People believe that my fur, skin and blubber possess properties that make them beneficial medicines, promoting fertility, and allowing blood to flow more freely throughout the body. This myth started centuries ago, and is promoted by people who want to make money off of my suffering. If you see me in open waters anywhere in the world, call (503) 555-0125 to report my location— you could very well be saving me from poachers and whalers if you do so. |
Precautions and Facts About Me!
|
|
Important Reminders!
Trunko are curiosities in the world of parazoology; like many so-called 'globster' species, their bodies have a tendency to decay into an unrecognizable state within seconds upon death, as if they mean to obfuscate their true nature from us. Any resources that could possibly be gained from their body are destroyed upon death. And yet parts of them are sold as traditional medicine throughout the world. How does this happen?
Trunko are kept alive for as long as possible while their resources are harvested— after a certain amount of time, removed parts lose the decay effect upon death. Skin and hair loses it almost immediately upon being removed, flesh from the stomach takes approximately two days, flesh from the trunk requires a week, and the blubber and oil can take up to three months to be separated from the 'globster' effect— oil and blubber are also the most valuable components.
So, yes. Three months. These creatures are kept alive on whaling ships for upwards of three months while they're harvested, just to ensure that the profit margins of a bunch of quack doctors don't suffer. At least they kill the rhino when they take its horn.
This is why, in collaboration with the Manna Charitable Foundation, we are offering a bounty: $10,000 USD for credible information that leads to the locatation and detention of any whaling ship that captures and harvests Trunko. We can't do this alone. Don't let them go extinct.
Dr. Jason Hendricks
Para/Cryptozoologist
For inquiries or complaints:
Address: Super Cute Pets Rescue Shelter, Portland, OR
Telephone: (503)-555-0133
Email: jason.hendricks.2@.scipnet.net
From: Jason Hendricks
To: Faeowynn Wilson
Date: 27/10/2020
Faeowynn,
It's awful in Antarctica, thank you for asking, but our expedition did produce something valuable— we managed to spot The Asmodeus, the flagship in Marshall, Carter & Dark's whaling fleet (which I still can't believe they have! Do these guys own a moon or something?). Chatter indicates that they were in pursuit of a small pod of Trunko that live in those waters.
I realize I'm technically one of your 'supervisors', but… where I come from, we do things differently. By the time you read this, a car will be en route to take you to Portland Int'l; there's a flight waiting for you that'll take you to Newfoundland in Canada, opened up a flight corridor just for us.
At the risk of sounding unprofessional (read: like someone who used to work at Site-87), what do you say we go Greenpeace on their ass?
Regards,
Jason Hendricks
From: Faeowynn Wilson
To: Jason Hendricks
Date: 27/10/2020
Jason,
Are you FUCKING INSANE?! Scratch that, you're from Sloth's Pit, of course you are, everyone from that town has a screw loose.
Have you ever heard of a nomohazard? It's like a cognitohazard, except it legally screws you— come into contact with one and best case scenario you're in bankruptcy court before the week is out.
The gangplank of the Asmodeus has a dozen nomohazards on its first step— if you're not legally authorized to be on there, Marshall, Carter & Dark's lawyers will find a way to actually seize your organs as part of the suit, maybe take your soul as damages. The rest of the ship is rife with all sorts of funky crap— they're the only ship I know that has a smell that can kill you.
The Asmodeus is the flagship of the whaling fleet for a reason. I'm not going after it, and I hesitate to say that you should, either. Your funeral.
Faeowynn
P.S. Yes, they do own a moon. At least three.
From: Jason Hendricks
To: Faeowynn Wilson
Date: 27/10/2020
Faeowynn,
Sorry. Just didn't want to seem like a complete Wettle. (If you don't know what that is, don't worry, inside joke from my side of things.)
I want to actually be able to help them, not feel ineffectual. But… I do think there's something we can do. I looked more into the Asmodeus, and one of the things that makes it so effective is a semantic identifier thingamawhatzit that makes other whales see it as a whale (it doesn't work on humans, I don't know why). What if we could make another whaling ship hunt it?
I'm attaching a file to this, pardon the redactions. The object that file covers is about fifteen kilometers west of the Asmodeus's projected path. If we can alter the path somehow… well, let's see how the fireworks go.
Jason Hendricks
View Attached File
From: Faeowynn Wilson
To: Jason Hendricks
Date: 27/10/2020
Jason,
I regret to inform you that in the process of me opening your last message, my hand slipped and started a Rube Goldberg machine of events that ended in a friend of mine in Manna getting your email. Sorry about that, it won't happen again!
I don't approve of this plan, not one bit. But I've been out of touch with my friend in Manna for years, who knows what they'll do? Out of my hands, and out of yours as well. Hope you feel better in Antarctica— I hear the colossal spider-crabs are especially colorful this time of year.
Faeowynn
From: Jason Hendricks
To: Faeowynn Wilson
Date: 27/10/2020
Faeowynn,
The answer to the question 'What will we do with a drunken whaler?' has been definitively answered. "Feed his crew to a pod of trunko, early in the morning".
Jason Hendricks
