Experiment Log 261 Ad De
rating: +472+x

Item Record for SCP-261

Please record any and all anomalous items received from SCP-261, along with amount of money entered and item description, using the format below. Mundane items will be made available for personal consumption after scanning and clearance by Site Security.


Money entered:
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered:
Item description:


Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Oreos - A package of six standard Oreos, in bright blue wrapping, label in Spanish. No unusual taste.


Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Bag of Jolly Ranchers - Contained both standard flavors of Green Apple and Watermelon, with additional flavors Pomegranate, Loquat, and Blackberry. Current Jolly Ranchers are not known to contain these flavors. Edible.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Spice Bomb" - Small gumball, red and orange banded in color, with packaging in Japanese. Tasted like jalapeño-flavored gum. Extremely spicy. Testing was halted temporarily in order to allow Dr. ██████ to vomit and consume antacids.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Mountain Dew: Hot Pink - Clear plastic bottle, label in English. Carbonated liquid within a brilliant pink color, and proved to be potable, tasting very sweet and tart. Mild sugar high ensued. Flavor identified to be a mix of pomegranate and sour apple.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: <Unknown> - Small plastic box containing apparatus similar to heroin kit with small vial of clear liquid, label in unknown language. Found alternative researcher to use it. After injection, subject reported the strong taste of mint, and they smelled constantly of peppermint for the next several hours, apparently coming from sweat and body oils. Subject reported nausea after the first hour or so of this, due to the constant smell and taste.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: <Unknown> - USB-capable device similar to a flash drive, packaging marked only with a bar code. When plugged into a computer, the computer ran at twice normal speed and refused to react to mouse or keyboard movement, and appeared to be running several instances of the program Minesweeper at once. Object kept for potential testing with mechanical SCPs.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: <Unknown> - Milk chocolate replica of human male sexual organ, approximately six and a half inches from base to head, in foil wrapping with unknown language resembling Korean on label. Hollow, filled with liquid white chocolate. Reported to be delicious but a little too sweet.

Notes - More than half of the male staff avoided contact with the thing like it was made out of explosives. It is funny that the majority of staff here would prefer to have a picnic with SCP-682 over touching a fucking penis-shaped candy.


Money entered: 167 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Doritos- A bag of Doritos chips, nacho cheese flavor.

Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Hershey's with nuts- A regular-sized bar of Hershey's chocolate with nuts. However, the nuts match with no known species.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Green Apple Frosting- A container of green frosting, with a green apple flavor. Currently not produced by any company.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Lay's Blooming Onion: All-dressed- An onion of average size and color. Cutting into shows that it is made of many layers, each a different color and tasting of a different flavor of chips, including some flavors not produced by Frito-Lay.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Unknown- A clear plastic package filled with water, with tiny Manta Ray-like creatures swimming in it. Attached to it was a blue tablet in a plastic wrapper. When the top was opened and the tablet was added, the water instantly froze with a loud pop. After the ice block was pulled out of the package, the ice turned to vapor and left behind the creatures, frozen solid. Each was described as having a slightly different flavor.


Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Naked Fruit Drink (Berry Flavored) - No unusual properties detected. Packaging in English.

Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Edible Chess Set - Small edible chess set made from hard candy. Candy similar in taste and texture to Pez; packaging in French.

Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Human Breast Milk (Chocolate Flavored) - Very sweet. Dr. ██████ reported a sensation of nostalgia. Nothing unusual about the quality of the milk beyond its packaging. Small label in Japanese.
"I think the boob-shaped container was a nice touch." - Dr. ██████

Money entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Build-Your-Own Candybots - A small bag containing various mixed parts that could be assembled in different ways to create tiny, candy robots. Once completed, candy robots began to move on their own for approximately two minutes, walking about aimlessly and bumping into things. Very sweet. Packaging in unknown language.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: SCP-417 Fruit - Room was evacuated briefly before the item (in airtight packaging) was sent to be incinerated. Packaging in unknown language.

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Suppository - Item was not used. Tests run later revealed mint flavoring and a high nutritional value. Packaging in unknown language resembling Greek, complete with diagram of how to use.

Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Bacon Shirt - A simple T-shirt, dark red in color, in plastic packaging, unknown language. A test revealed the shirt to be edible, wearable, and with a taste similar to bacon. No side effects from wearing the shirt, beyond a vague smell of bacon.

Money entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Advertising Bottle - A tall bottle of an unknown alloy, with a twist-off top, and filled with a liquid resembling Pepsi Blue. The sides of the bottle lit up and revealed animated advertisements featuring an attractive woman while being drank. Object powered down once liquid was fully drained. Advertisements and packaging in unknown language resembling archaic Japanese.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Reverse-Temperature Creampuff - A packaged creampuff that grew warmer when exposed to cold, and cooler when exposed to heat. Placing it in the microwave caused frost to form, and putting it in the freezer resulted in it being burning hot. Tasted decent, if a touch stale.


Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Thiotimoline cookies - Three chocolate-chip cookies in plastic wrapping. Taste was experienced at least three seconds before the cookies made any contact with the mouth. Packaging in Bambara.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Hardtack — A piece of hardtack. Packaging in what was later determined to be heavily Hellenized French written in Greek characters. Item was difficult to consume and tasted meaty. Translation revealed the flavor to be turtle soup.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Energy gas — A soap bubble stabilized inside a transparent plastic can. Packaging in English. Instruction are to "pierce a hole and inhale the contained gas." Applying a finger to the bubble will indeed pierce a hole. Inhaling the (lavender-scented) gas caused the bubble to shrink until it vanished completely and gave an energized and empowered feeling to the subject. Subject complained for several hours of an irritated and itchy nasal cavity.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Hazelnut Glosette — A package of approximately 12 small hazelnuts covered in chocolate. Packaging in German. DNA matched that of Iranian Corylus avellana strains. The Hershey Company does not manufacture this product.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Caramelized tarantula spider — A hairy spider 13 inches in legspan covered in hard caramel. Item was not consumed. Identified as an unrecorded Phoneutria member. Test showed highly toxic venom was still present in the glands. Packaging in an unknown language.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Sculptural candy — A tube containing a bright orange PlayDoh-like paste, strongly smelling of citrus. Was malleable; gradually hardened into an exceedingly tough material. Hardening caused subject's fingers to become trapped. Packaging in unidentified language written in Cyrillic.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Dr. Pepper's Amusing Straw! — A straw, which, when looked from on end, contained what appears to be sugar-sweetened Dr. Pepper. Straw contained much more liquid than physically possible (approximately the volume of a normal Dr. Pepper bottle). Packaging in Japanese.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Geology Aero — An Aero bar twice as thick as the regular, formed of four layers in four different flavors and colors of chocolate: dark, orange, mint and white. The Nestlé company does not manufacture this product. Packaging in German.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Terri's [sic] Chocolate Pumpkin — A pumpkin-shaped piece of chocolate easily broken into 11 quarter-shaped pieces. Tasted vaguely of pumpkin and cough syrup. The Kraft Food Company does not make this product. Packaging in American English.

Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Fruits of the Loom — A package of three pieces of edible underwear in bright colors. Items confiscated. Current whereabouts unknown.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Sound Bites — Small cookies shaped like onomatopoeia words. When broken or chewed, the items produced the sound corresponding to their text.


Money entered: 10,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Item is a small loaf of round bread in the shape of a pinwheel with six points. Colorful wrapper bears logo for "Heaven's Shining Auspicious Bakery," with the tag-line, "Made by angels for angels" (sic). Upon consuming the item, subject immediately fell into a comatose state, during which he appeared to be in a constant ecstatic state similar to an orgasm. Subject recovered after fifty minutes, although he remained delirious for over two more hours, babbling about "gates of pure palladium, polished by the multitudinous hosts of the shattered princess".

Money entered: 1 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A single kernel of popped kettle corn.

Money entered: 10 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Five pieces of the traditional Indonesian snack "klepon". Item was placed on top of a banana leaf holder and wrapped in plastic with no labels or expiration dates.

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A can labelled 'Ponari Sweat' in blue and white. Some text in Indonesian on the side, claiming that this beverage could 'cure any kind of disease', 'Made in Jombang', 'straight from Ponari's magic stone' and other promotional statements. Can given to a D-class with prostate cancer for testing. After emptying the can, the D-class was thoroughly examined. Results show that the prostate cancer had disappeared.

Money entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A small orange box with a radioactive sign on the side, and a small red button on top. Item moved to a heavy-duty blast chamber and analyzed extensively. Thorough examination revealed it to not emit any more radiation than standard background levels. The decision was made to test the object, with all observers other than the subject observing via closed-circuit camera. When subject pressed the button, a bright flash was recorded, and then a small orange mushroom cloud. Subject was unharmed; after the experiment, anyone entering the blast chamber immediately sensed a tangy, heavily orange flavor. Subject had to wash continuously for five hours to rid his body of the scent.


Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A styrofoam bowl with a paper lid, labelled "Instant Morioka-Style Reimen: just add hot water." Instructions, written in Japanese, indicate to add hot water and let stand for three minutes, then stir well. Contents of bowl appear to be instant noodles as well as several small capsules of unknown make and a dusting of white sugar-like crystals. Upon adding hot water, item grew warm for approximately three minutes, then immediately chilled to approximately 5°C. Upon peeling back the cover, noodles were found to be cooked and floating in a cold beef broth. Capsules were missing, and replaced with a slice of fresh watermelon, six slices thinly sliced roast beef, six pieces of kkakdugi (ponytail radish kimchi), and half a hard-boiled egg. Contents were edible. Advertisements on packaging encouraged users to "try our other flavors," including "traditional Korean" and "kimchi mixed."


Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Unknown - A sealed paper sleeve of indeterminate chemical makeup and unknown language. Stylized image of what appears to be a 6-legged blue tortoise. Packaging opened to reveal a single large piece of dark dried meat. Taste noted as sweet and spicy, with an unusual texture. Approximately 6 hours after consumption, subject reported itching in internal organs and heavy flatulence. Isolated to quarantine where what appeared to be a violent allergic reaction caused the prolapse of two-thirds of his digestive tract from either end of his body. Subject died after 5 hours.

Money entered: 750 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Aluminum bottle with screw-top, colorful graphic on the sides indicating flying insects contained within. Testing moved to isolation chamber. Subject opened bottle and was swarmed by highly aggressive insects colored in Red, Blue, Green, and Purple. Subject consumed a number of the insects attempting to sting him on his arms and torso. Flavors primarily sour and bitter fruits of uncertain identity. Described as "Similar to PEZ, but not as sweet."

Insects died approximately 9 minutes later and were collected. Agreement in flavor noted throughout all test participants willing to consume insects. Initial subject indicates lesions covering exposed skin, oozing brightly colored fluid with similar flavor. No further side-effects noted. Lesions appeared to heal normally.

Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Steel canister with pressure gauge on top, release valve. Label shows brightly colored trisymmetrical lifeforms inhaling psychedelically-patterned fumes. Subject unscrews release valve, noting strong smell of bitter almonds before asphyxiating. Contents revealed to be pressurized hydrogen cyanide gas. Testing halted.


Money entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Rat on a stick. — A fried rat skewered on a thin wooden spike. Southern fried.

Money entered: 250 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Applexsplosion. — Object originally appeared to be a normal bag of apples, though in various colors not found in nature, such as purple, orange, and white. However, any physical trauma towards an apple results in it violently exploding and completely saturating the surrounding area in a thick edible paste. Paste differed in taste depending on the color of the apple, though all were strictly fruit flavors.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Candy Bullets! — A CZ-75-B 9mm pistol in a partially transparent package. Package was stylised with several graphics depicting smiling persons being shot, labelled in English in stereotypical "New Yorker" slang. The rounds in the magazine were found to be made of a substance similar to rock candy, though completely functional as normal ammunition. Item was fired at the research subject's foot. Besides the pain and trauma normally included in bullet wounds, subject also noted a heavy taste and scent of peppermint, which persisted for several hours. The munition dissolved in the subject's bloodstream, negating the need to remove it surgically. The pistol itself was found to also be completely edible, though much too difficult to chew. Tasted of tutti-frutti.

Money entered: 400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Dimensional Donuts — A brightly colored box of donuts, labeling in Spanish. Donuts possess a small interdimensional anomaly, located in the hole of the donut which is destroyed once the ring of the donut is broken. When held sideways, small objects fall out of the hole, the object varying depending on person, donut, and time of day. Items noted include small candies, slices of fruit, jigsaw pieces, various forms of ammunition, blood, gasoline, various insects of unknown species, and human fingers.


Following test logs from March 9, 2009 were impromptu testing on an unpowered SCP-261 prompted by power loss in the wing that the SCP-261 is kept in during lunchtime. Results are listed as usual.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Blastola Cola. Blue and orange can, with advertisement on the side for "CAPTAIN COMIC XII PRE-RELEASE GIVEAWAY!" No such game is known to exist. Soda tasted of cola sweetened with cane sugar. After drinking, subject was seen to belch a puff of what has been described as "cold fire". Subject was uninjured. A workplace safety poster that was struck with the cloud was briefly covered in a thin layer of frost.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Pile O' Slugs. A produce box, typical of the sort used to pack strawberries, full of live garden slugs. Label on the lid was hand-written in English. While not consumed, later testing revealed that the slugs contained large amounts of vitamin C, E, and most of the B complex (except riboflavin). Also contained large amounts of arsenic.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Unknown name. Aluminum box containing brick of gelatinous green material. When opened, material began to scream. Item was not consumed. When tested later the material had shriveled into a tiny green flake suspended in water, and was capable of emitting a 10 dB whispering noise. All attempts to identify nature of material failed; flake reportedly curled in on itself and dissolved shortly after testing began.


Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Bright yellow, elongated package made of cellophane, resembling a banana peel. Language of label is identified as a combination of Welsh and Spanish, and when translated reads as, "Banana Easier to Open! Making Your Banana Opening Easy!" Package contained a bright yellow food item resembling an unpeeled banana except in color. Chemical testing found higher amounts of fructose and other processed sweeteners, along with small amounts of [DATA EXPUNGED]. Upon removal of [DATA EXPUNGED] from the object, a Class-D Personnel sampled the object and noted that it was very sweet.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Fried fish patty with mustard filling, similar to a Hot Pocket in packaging and preparation. Package bore the likeness of Muppet character "the Swedish Chef", and with the exception of the instructions and nutritional information (in English) the remainder of the packaging is in unintelligible faux-Swedish with an abundance of umlauts and accent marks. Item was extremely salty.

At this point in the experiment, Dr. ███████ unplugged SCP-261 and asked for the change to be noted.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "Most Horrendously Painful Hangover Ever Candy Shots". Japanese packaging bearing the logo of the band Offspring and tiny, super-deformed likenesses of the band smashing a generic salaryman's head with jackhammers. Candy appeared to be gummi shot glasses full of various solid color gummi. Taste varied from candy to candy, but was generally "extremely sweet". Candy was examined and shown to have no alcoholic content, despite slight flavor that insinuated otherwise. Ingredient list on back listed only "HATRED AND VITRIOL" in English; no other ingredients listed anywhere on package in any language, although note on the underside of the package states that the candy may aggravate dairy allergies.

Money entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Small cylinder covered in crosshatching lines of varying configuration; appears to be a form of writing. Bright purple and green wrapping bears drawing of a vaguely humanoid yellow figure with what appears to be two mouths. Removing cap produced a sudden gush of gray-violet foam; subject dropped the tube and ran to the chemical wash, stating that it was burning his hands. The foam was found to be acidic, and contain significant amounts of capsaicin. The latter was more responsible for the burning sensation than the former. When analyzed, the foam was shown to contain massive amounts of riboflavin and vitamin B6, as well as trace amounts of methylarsenic compounds; unfortunately, the sample was lost when the foam dissolved after several hours.

Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Small, airtight blue plastic bag, very cold to the touch and labelled in an unknown language. Contents appeared to be several small, shriveled gray spheres half a centimeter in diameter, apparently freeze-dried. When heated in water they expanded to two centimeters in diameter. Spheres appeared to be eyeballs of an unknown animal, deep blue throughout with hourglass-shaped pupils and thick purple vessels. The outside was slick and tasteless; when bitten. a large amount of thick purple jelly tasting of watered-down grape juice burst out. The jelly causes extremely vivid hallucinations several minutes after being consumed.

Money entered: 50 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Small cardboard can of “Eetmees”, with the rest of the packaging labelled in French describing the foodstuff as “Irresistibly Good!” and “Undeniably Tasty!”. Can contained five small, three-legged crab-like creatures with tiny claws and large, dewy eyes. When released, they leaped up and down ecstatically, clicking their claws and repeatedly screaming “eat me!” in shrill, high-pitched voices. When subject delayed and then refused to eat them, the “Eetmees” attempted to force their way into the subject’s mouth. The creatures made "joyous shrieking" sounds when being chewed, and "whee" sounds when being swallowed.

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "FOOD". 18-oz steel can with a pull-tab. Label was all white with the word "FOOD" written in large, black letters. No other information (nutrition, ingredients, weight, etc.) is listed. When opened, can was found to contain a thick, gray, odorless paste. Subjects described the paste as "devoid of any taste", and left subjects appearing emotionless and slow-witted. Chemical analysis has found the paste to be low in fat and LDL cholesterol, as well as containing all necessary vitamins and minerals, including several as-of-yet unidentified chemicals.

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "DRINK". 12-oz aluminum drink can. Label is similar to the "FOOD" can: all white with nothing but the word "DRINK" in black letters. Liquid inside was colorless, odorless, and has a viscosity lower than water. Subjects who ingested "DRINK" became more open to suggestion, with subservience increasing as a direct function of the amount of "DRINK" consumed. Research into the long-term effects of the "DRINK" is being investigated.


Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: BEEF! Aluminum can, similar to a soup can. In formatting, package appeared similar to a normal can, but all text was the word "BEEF!”. Can contained pinkish meat, which was revealed to be uncooked beef. No abnormalities detected.

Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: “Mint Fish”: Plain paper envelope, dual packaging in Russian and Navajo. Package contained unidentifiable light green powder. When added to cold water, powder immediately formed into the shape of a small goldfish, same color as the powder. This wriggled in the water and proved difficult to catch, similar to a living fish. The creature stopped moving only when removed from the water and terminated by a guard. Described as difficult to chew and ultimately unpleasant.

Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: “TASTE ME”: A transparent plastic box containing a single slice of white cake. No ingredients or information other then the title were listed. Item was tasted by a class-D personnel, who, after consuming the product, immediately went into convulsions, and shortly thereafter collapsed and died. Autopsy showed that the subject had become seven inches taller and grown in mass by 13.6%, and that death and seizures were due to expansion of the brain. Analysis of the cake showed large amounts of human growth hormone as well as several unidentified chemicals.


Name: Doctor King

Money entered: 1 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Single seed. Tests revealed it as apple.

Money entered: 2 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Two seeds, also apple.

Money entered: 3 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Three seeds. Apple again.

Money entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: One thousand apple seeds. Similar tests were undertaken for the remainder of the day, resulting in apple seeds every time. Several complaints were issued against Doctor King, complaining that he had "broken" this SCP. The machine was left alone for the night and approached again in the morning by another researcher.

Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Ladypax". Several small snack cakes wrapped in brown paper, labelled in slightly out-of-date Japanese with an unusual amount of English loanwords. Cake was chocolate with somewhat berry-flavored filling. Consumption by female subject resulted in immediate commencing of that subject's menstruation, despite the fact that it was not due for another week.

Money entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Prangles". Item resembles in almost every way a standard tube of Pringles, Sour Cream and Onion flavour. The only difference in appearance is that the mascot on the box has red skin and takes on a vaguely demonic look. Item was given to a Class D subject. Once the lid of the Prangles is unsealed, or "popped", the subject was literally unable to prevent herself from eating the chips continuously. Moreover, the tube appears to be bottomless in nature, as the subject has been eating for several days at time of writing and shows no sign of slowing down. No difference between the chips and normal Pringles was found. This is the second subject to be tested; the first one continued eating even after termination, and the tube had to be forcibly removed from her grasp.

Name: Doctor King
Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Three hundred apple seeds. The same product results whenever Doctor King, or an individual who has been asked to do the test for Doctor King, activates the machine. Is it as yet unclear why this might be, or whether it may be evidence of sentience on the part of the machine.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: X-treme Chips - Yellow bag with no labeling or nutrition facts save for a gigantic red "X" on the front. Opened cautiously to find nothing more than standard potato chips. Fed chips to D-Class 24045-06, whose voice immediately grew deeper and requested this agent join him in extreme sport activities such as surfboarding, mountain climbing, and bungee jumping. Request was denied.

Money entered: 50 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Maxwell House Artificial Coffee Drink - 355 ml navy blue can with the Maxwell House Logo prominently displayed on upper half. Lower half shows steaming cup of coffee and coffee beans. Ingredients listed as water, artificial flavor, and sucrose. 10 calories. Item was bitter and noted to be inferior to instant coffee. Drink is not produced by Maxwell House after product research.


Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A red mushroom with blue spots, resembling no other species of fungus. When fed to D24046-19, he claimed to be "[sic] totally tripping balls", and then instructed researchers to "be quiet, my show is on". For a duration of one hour, he was no longer reactant to any kind of sensory input, alternately laughing and crying without correlation to external stimuli. When subject awoke, he stated that he did not exactly recall what he had seen, but noted that it appeared to be a sitcom.

Money entered: 100,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Item has been detained and is being tested for sentience. Subject detained for seven days for contamination testing. Both tests turn up negative. Subject released from detainment along with [DATA EXPUNGED]. Item described as "light, but with a burst of flavor". Subject expressed desires for more, and depression when request was denied.

Placing more than 5000 yen in the machine requires formal approval for an experiment test.


Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A lavishly illustrated menu for "Big Bub's House of Subs". Further investigation revealed that the photographs of the various menu items were flavored like the items they represented. Nutrient content was typical for moderate quality restaurant fare. Item was dry, but not filling.

Money entered: 250 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A blue and yellow 500 ml metal can with a screw-on cap, labeled "Dr. Belcher's Magical Flashing Bug Juice". Can contains a carbonated fluorescent green liquid which emits occasional flashes of bright indigo light. Testing reveals no radioactivity or electromagnetic emissions outside the indigo band. No nutrition information printed on the can. Tastes strongly of tangelos. Heavy diuretic effect that lasted several days.

Money entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Agent Orange Sherbet: a small, single serving ice cream container, printed in obscure working-class French, with a cartoon secret agent on it, complete with a trench coat, fedora, and black sunglasses, giving a thumbs up, and saying "Good enough to die twice for!". Given to D-2348 for testing. Subject took a bite and claimed "tastes like really rich orange sorbet with a vanilla cream hint to it, like eating a creamsicle". Subject later complained of minor back pain, but reported that he was fine the next day.

Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Mr Q's Cumbersome Soda Bottle: a small, plastic bottle, clear with a minty greenish tint, with an odd stopper in the neck of the bottle. When tilted normally to drink, the cola hits the stopper and won't flow. Through an hour of testing, the stopper is discovered to only to work when the bottle is tilted at a right angle while being rotated from the bottom of the bottle and shaken slightly. Soda was described as refreshing and abnormally tasty.

Money entered: 10 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A 12 oz beverage can of "American Air." Emblazoned with an American flag that circles the can, notably displaying 48 stars instead of 50. A small caption on the back of the can reads as follows: "A real patriot knows not to breathe the same air as communists. A real patriot remembers. Let your love of freedom breathe freely, with American Air™." The can contains somewhat stale but otherwise normal air.

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A size 64 trilby-style fedora composed of beef jerky. The object was flattened inside small cardboard box, with nutrition facts and a label reading "Meathat: Teriyaki Fedora," and the catchphrase "You can have your hat, and eat it too!" Consumed without incident, taste described as tough, but enjoyable.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: An LP music album composed entirely of hard green sugar, in an airtight green plastic wrap. Packaging in Albanian, with a picture of a cellist and a pianist playing a duet. Playing the album resulted in an unrecognized piano/strings movement, with the LP uncoiling itself as the needle passed. Surprisingly, this did not seem to interfere with the balance of the LP or the phonograph machine in any way. A recording of the music is available on request. The LP was consumed by those attending the presentation, reportedly tasting like lime-flavored hard candy.

Money entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: An olive green plastic bag of dried bay leaves. Packaging in ancient Greek, Delphic dialect, with the phrase "Pythia's Choice™ brand Bay Leaves." Three leaves were fed to subject D-3968. Subject reported loss of feeling in his limbs, displayed unusual vocal patterns, and seemed to be entering a trancelike state. Upon consuming two more leaves, the subject collapsed and went into convulsions, screaming apparent gibberish interspersed with ancient Greek of the same dialect displayed on the package. Subject continued to convulse for three minutes and twenty-four seconds, then became limp and unresponsive. Subject died two days afterward, with no signs of recovery. Analysis of leaves has shown an extremely high concentration of ethylene, a chemical compound known to cause the observed effects. How the subject spoke Delphic Greek is as yet unknown. The translation of the subject's outburst is largely nonsensical, and is available on file by request.

Money entered: 4 mon (coin circa mid-15th century Japan)
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Small red velvet pouch with intricate golden embroidery depicting various hiōgi fans. Bound with golden string. Opening the pouch revealed the contents to be little more than dust. Analysis of dust reveals it to consist of desiccated rice, red beans, shrimp and soybeans, originating from approximately the same era as the currency used.

Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Cylinder labeled "Aunt Annie's Fruity Fibers: Blue Raspberry Beret," packaging text written in English, French, and Hawaiian. Packaging encourages customers to try other available flavors, including "Grape Gloves," "Mint Mittens," and "Cherry Cowl." Contents were one skein of sweet-smelling blue yarn, a pair of knitting needles, and a sheet of paper containing instructions for knitting a simple hat. Sampling the end of the "yarn" proved it to be edible, though described as "chewy and a little dry," with a raspberry flavor. The presiding researcher was able to knit the hat described in the pattern, and reported that the "yarn" behaved similarly to a wool blend.

Money entered: 1 counterfeit 500 yen coin (minted on site, otherwise identical to authentic article), accepted by SCP-261
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: After a delay of approximately 3 seconds, an unmarked, opaque white cellophane package was dispensed. Package contained candies similar to "Gummi Bears," but shaped like human hands with extended middle fingers. Item was interpreted as a threat and not consumed. Testing revealed candy contained lethal amounts of potassium cyanide.


On 10/09/2009, a sequential experiment with an unpowered SCP-261 was run, attempting to discern just how quickly the machine would start to dispense "bizarre" objects. All vended items were tested via D-class personnel for safety reasons.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A soft drink can labeled "Cokepsi Zero" with a color scheme that appears to be a combination of the Coke and Pepsi zero-calorie product labels. D-class personnel reported it to taste like a mix of Coke and Pepsi, and a definite taste of aspartame. Ingredients list on can appear to be a mix of Coke and Pepsi ingredients. No particular effects noted.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A larger than normal can, the label declaring it to be a normal variety of canned corn that can be found in grocery stores. Upon opening, can was revealed to contain hot, melted butter and two stunted corncobs. The can showed no signs of being warm to the touch from the outside. Item was consumed without incident. Butter cooled off normally. Later reports of stomach and bowel pain from D-class personnel prompted termination and autopsy, revealing the presence of popped corn kernels within his gastrointestinal tract.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: An unlabeled object that resembles a mark 2 "pineapple" fragmentation hand grenade. Testing area evacuated as a precaution. D-class personnel sent in to retrieve item under surveillance, expressing concern. Object appeared to be safe. Object was moved to a blast chamber. D-class personnel ordered to remove pin, throw and evacuate, and complies reluctantly. Object explodes in the corner of the blast chamber in a "puff of sugar" and several high velocity fragments. Blast chamber coated in varying amounts of granulated sugar. Metal fragments observed in walls. Personnel who subsequently entered blast chamber noted perceiving a taste of sugar. No harmful effects noted.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A 6-inch-long figurine of SCP-682, which upon being removed from the vending machine became animate, and sang barbershop music, dancing with a cane and boater hat (source of cane and hat remains unidentified). Backup singers were heard from an unidentified source. Nearby security personnel opened fire upon the figurine. Bullets did not harm the object and were absorbed into it. After approximately two minutes, figurine concluded performance, bowed, and became inanimate, with cane and hat demanifesting. Item not consumed, but tests revealed it to be made of caramel. Further chemical analysis revealed that the caramel was contaminated with large amounts of arsenic and ricin poison. Item also contained intact, expended 9mm JHP rounds, having apparently "healed" the wounds but not removed the bullets. Item disposed of.


Money entered: 10-yen note (minted circa 1943)
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Chocolate 5 1/4" Floppy disk, later inspection reveals it to be formatted for the Japanese MSX Computer. Performing a read/write test with aforementioned computers did not melt or affect the disk in any way, despite the fact that the internal temperature of the computer would have been enough to melt chocolate. Item tasted of unremarkable milk chocolate.

Money entered: 450 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Malinalxochitl's Xocolatl." A small aluminum can, with a label in what appears to be the Aztec language, illustrated with a stylized female mascot clad in traditional Meso-American dress smiling and holding up a cup emitting steam. Bottom of can has self-heating filament; activating it heats the liquid. Tastes faintly of chocolate, but is bitter and slightly spicy.

Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Philosopher's Figs 'n Honey." A small lidded ceramic box similar in style to ancient Greek pottery. The Greek label indicated there was a "special Philosopher prize" inside. Box was separated by a ceramic divide down the center. One half contained honey, and the other half contained several fresh figs. Honey described as "clovery". The prize inside was a miniature marble bust of Plato.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "FairyFairy [sic] Alchemy Coins." A white package of cracker-like medallions, quarter-sized, with alchemical symbols inscribed on their surfaces. Label, which is in Middle English, has a few cartoon fairies waving magic wands over the crackers. Crackers containing gold and silver had their innards extracted. D-class ate the cracker shells of both and noted that they were similar in taste and texture to saltines. Other crackers contained vitriol, hydrochloric acid, antimony, mercury, and lead.

Money entered: 535 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Mandel-Brötchen". While the name would suggest bread, the actual product inside is a set of four dry chocolate cookies in fractal shapes. This fractal pattern is repeated down to the atomic structure of the cookies' surface. A warning on the package states that the cookies must be dipped in water or milk prior to eating to avoid damage to the mouth and throat.

Money entered: 400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Turduchocken". Balls of fried turkey, each containing a smaller ball of fried duck containing a chocolate candy with a fried chicken center. Labeling describes the product as containing 450% the amount of saturated fat required by an adult human daily.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Piscina." A soda can whose label indicates it was packaged by the Coca-Cola Company. English labelling and logo. Nutrition facts note high in Omega-3 fatty acids. Ingredients list fish oils prominently. D-class opened, consumed. Texture of chicken soup, tastes like fresh salmon; verified by researcher. Taste was unusual but enjoyable.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A cardboard box, 9cm x 9cm x 6cm, with a picture of a human molar tooth on blue background on the front. Unknown pictographic script similar to Aztec. Opening the box revealed a tooth, full scale, approximately 5 centimeters long. Essentially a jawbreaker; chemical analysis confirms. The 'pulp' of the tooth is a sweet fruit syrup. Aside from shape, not chemically unusual.

Money entered: 5,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A glass perfume vial filled with artificially flavored human sweat. Chemical analysis revealed high levels of human pheromones and nutmeg flavoring. Essentially a mild aphrodisiac. No labeling.

Money entered: 10,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Drinky Bird." A tin can with no pop-top, with a paper label of an ortolan drinking from a liquor bottle. Contained a fattened ortolan drowned in brandy. Chemical analysis revealed no abnormalities.

Money entered: 800 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A beeswax hexagonal prism - like a 'cell' in a honeycomb - about 6 cm deep with edges about 3 cm - about the size of a single-serving yogurt cup. The hexagonal surface was stamped with a bas-relief of a cartoon bee with Russian text translated to 'Springtime Syrup'. Nutrition facts were on the side. Contained puffed oats, each of which contained a small amount of fresh honey. Eaten by the researcher, with a sample saved for later analysis.

Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A live, hairless, boneless guinea pig with nutrition facts tattooed along the right side in English. Contains unusually high levels of vitamins and minerals. Contains unknown nutritional supplement 'Heliate' with no RDA. After killing the guinea pig, the researcher attempted to remove a limb for consumption, but accidentally breached the abdominal cavity, revealing that it contained a green savory custard where its organs would be expected.

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Stan-Fizz." Standard-shaped soda can. English text, Coca-Cola bottling company. Green and purple color scheme on the logo, unknown substance 'standis' listed in the ingredients list, in the form of 'Artificial flavor of standis'. Presumably no actual standis in the beverage. Taste reminiscent of grape soda and champagne.

Money entered: 490 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Red plastic container labeled HONOR DUEL. Package contained what appeared to be a pair of action figures resembling samurai, one black in coloration, the other red. Upon opening of the package, the "samurai" stood and attacked each other. After a short battle, the black samurai decapitated the red one, gave a cry of victory, and vanished. Subsequent analysis of the red samurai revealed it to be made of rock candy, with a raspberry flavor.

Money Entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Two (2) Standard Triple-A Batteries, emblazoned with eye-catching, untranslatable symbols. Otherwise completely normal.


Repeated test of ten trials, with interval of 1 minute between attempts. Coins used were retrieved from a Coca-Cola brand vending machine outside the [DATA EXPUNGED].
Money Entered For Each Vend: 65 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Items vended:
Tests 1-3: Cans of Coca-Cola, with varying Japanese labeling schemes. Contents are chemically identical to current Coke formula.
Test 4: Diet "Koke". The other text on the can is written in a pidgin language apparently derived from Chinese and Japanese.
Test 5: A can of "Coca-Cola Clear". Label glows in the dark, and top of can has a holo-foil advertisement for an unknown animated film.
Test 6: Caramelized coca leaves. Very strong aroma of mint. Class D who ingested it showed symptoms of a mild coca overdose, but no other response.
Test 7: Container shattered upon vending. Appears to have been a glass container filled with a brownish gas. Bottle was fully sealed, lacking lid or cap.
Test 8: "Lemony and buttErific Dragon Delite!". An uncooked ear of yellow corn molded into the shape of a Chinese dragon. Microwaving resulted in it "breathing" a stream of molten butter into the internals of the microwave, causing a fire.
Test 9: "Bottled lightning". An apparently-empty glass bottle that serves as a powerful Leyden jar. The class D who opened it experienced a near-fatal electric shock upon opening. Subject reported "tasting" temperatures for an hour thereafter.
Test 10: A can of "Coa-Cola". The class D used to perform the analysis expired shortly after opening the can. Analysis indicates that the beverage contained carbon monoxide, rather than carbon dioxide.


Money entered: 1500 yen
Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "Snapple" - A seemingly normal Granny Smith, with a small, hand-written tag attached to the stem. Further examination revealed the center to be composed of solid tin.

Money entered: 430 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Chūseishi Bēkon", in a plastic bag. Artwork on the front depicts an anthropomorphic piece of bacon being crushed between two heavy rocks. Bag contains approximately 50 bite-size objects which appear and smell vaguely bacon-like.

Upon one piece being fed to a D-Class, the subject immediately clutched his stomach and collapsed onto the floor. Examination of the D-Class's stomach contents revealed that his stomach had become extremely distended and full (approximately 3.9 liters by volume) with cooked bacon.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Apparently a standard Hershey's brand chocolate bar, with the packaging text written backwards, as if reflected in a mirror. The chirality of all amino acids and sugars in the chocolate bar is the opposite of that of Earth-life organic compounds.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Dante's". 750g package of biscuits with nine distinct circular, concentric layers. Packaging claims that contents "Taste like Hell!"

Money entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Small, empty plastic blue package with a stylized drop of water. On the back were instructions written in German and Dutch. The directions instructed the user to empty the package above a large bucket containing one liter of water and stir. When the instructions were followed, an additional 0.5 liters of water appeared in the bucket. Somewhat bitter.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A medium-sized bag of pretzel bits shaped like gears, springs, rods, and other clockwork components. The package depicts a smiling, winking figure seemingly made out of clockwork giving a "Thumbs up" sign. The food itself was salty and difficult to chew.


Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Small pill bottle with writing on it in an unknown language. Package depicts a cartoon image of a young boy biting into a squirming candy rat. Bottle contained ten (10) large pellets. One (1) pellet was given to a lab rat and subsequently eaten. The lab rat then fell asleep, after which all of the rat's tissues rapidly began transformation into various candy substances. Roughly ten minutes later, the rat awoke and seemed to be able to function normally despite all of its tissues being transformed into non-functional candy tissues. D-class instructed to eat the rat. Reported that the organs were replaced by a jelly candy substance, the blood seemed to be syrup, and bones were made of crystallized sugar. The taste of the candy was normal and as expected, and no adverse effects were reported. Remaining pellets placed in storage for later testing.


Money entered: 555 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Saint Patrick Snakeskin Pie." Product name is in English, the labels are in Irish Gaelic. Shrink-wrapped product resembles a small mince pie. Dissection of product showed that the center of the pie was filled with dried and salted snake meat of an unknown species. D-Class consumed product and reported a taste similar to very tough chicken.

Money entered: 555 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A tall pink soda can without a label. Opening the can produced a sound similar to a grenade exploding, and inside was a fizzy transparent liquid. D-Class declined to drink the liquid after an amount was accidentally spilled on a table and small round objects grew from the plastic. Analysis indicated the objects were eggs containing fetal creatures resembling amphibians.

Money entered: 1025 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Machine dispensed a cheap-looking flashlight and six colored lenses, each a different color of the rainbow. After an hour, during which a small group had gathered in an attempt to discover its purpose, Dr. █████ accidentally shone the flashlight on a nearby D-Class' face while the red lens was attached. Subject reported a vague taste of cherry. The other lenses were shown to cause tastes of orange, banana, lime, blueberry, and grape. Testing revealed the flashlight and lenses to be ordinary plastic.

Money Entered: 600 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Glass bottle with cork stopper and paper label. Text on label consists mostly of characters in the Armenian alphabet but does not correspond to any identifiable words. Bottle contains a mixture of 30% ethyl alcohol, 45% eel blood (species unidentified), 25% water, with trace amounts of cedarwood resin and lead.

Money Entered: 600 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: White cellophane envelope. Lettering on envelope reads "Aged meat product" in Gujarat language, phonetically transcribed into Hebrew alphabet. Envelope contains rotten, maggot-infested meat (probably avian in origin).

Money Entered: 600 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Pull-tab aluminium can labeled "BILLY BEER" and packaged in the same manner as novelty beer product produced by Falls City Brewing Company in the United States in the late 1970s. Can labeling includes the endorsement: "I had this beer brewed just for me. I think it's the best I've ever tasted. And I've tasted a lot. I think you'll like it too. Billy Carter." Can contains a liquid that appears to be beer. Subject consumed some and reported symptoms of mild intoxication for the following 72 hours.

Money entered: 150 "B yen", the military currency used in US-occupied Okinawa from 1948-1958
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A cheeseburger with pickles and lettuce, identical to the same available from the ████████ restaurant chain.

Money entered: 150 B yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A box 7cm on a side that, when opened, played a badly-recorded song while a ballerina statue spun around on a stand within the box. Both the ballerina and the box were made of what was proven to be a liquefied and reconstituted two-patty cheeseburger.

Money entered: 150 B yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A Caesar salad, no lettuce, on an edible soy-based plate.

Money entered: 5 Wadōkaichin (Japanese currency dated to the 8th Century CE)
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: One bowl of rice, cooked, no utensil.
Note: Contemporary to the time; the bowl was dated to the late first millennium, and chopsticks were not yet commonly used among the poorer classes. SCP-261 appears to be treating the coins at their original value.

Money entered: 45 Wadōkaichin
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A plate of higher quality than the previous bowl, containing what was confirmed to be sliced monkey on a bed of rice.

Money entered: Check (written in kana) for 1,000 yen, of same dimensions as currency
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A 3 cm by 5 cm slip of cardboard. Any human carrying the slip will taste milk chocolate.

Money entered: A note, in English, reading "I.O.U. 500 ¥"
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: An opened container of "Smartfood" brand white cheddar-flavored popcorn, manufactured by Frito-Lay. Contains remnants of popcorn kernels and powdered cheddar cheese-flavored substance, and a note, reading "I.O.U. 41 popcorn kernels".

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: 41 cheese-flavored popcorn kernels, uncontained. Identical to those produced by "Smartfood" brand.

Money entered: 0 yen (pushed "coin return" button)
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A single "zero yen" coin deposited into change return slot. Coin is pressed out of pot metal, reverse face depicts a smiling Ronald McDonald.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Styrofoam cup labelled "Tastee Bird Spicy Lime Snack!!!" containing 2 oz of unknown powder. Instructions are to "fill to line with hot water, cover and wait 3 minutes". Upon opening, package contained reconstituted, de-calcified parrot skeleton in a tangy broth with celery and cilantro and lime. Described as "zesty, with an odd texture." Nutritional information indicates it contains 300% daily recommended sodium.

Money entered: 0 yen (pushed "coin return" button)
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Red aluminum can labelled simply "Stop That" in block letters; intermittent buzzing heard from within can, as of a large, angry insect. Subject declined to open container.

Money entered: 666 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A plastic box of "Uncle Nick's" brand "Delicious Sunday Profani-snack". Branding prominently featured a winking cartoon devil as well as pentagrams, inverted crosses, and other occult symbols stereotypically associated with satanism. All text other than the brand name and product name printed in vulgar Latin in a slightly irregular typeface suggesting hand-lettering. Back of box prominently featured the slogan "Damnation guaranteed!". Ingredients list included "unholy water" but was otherwise consistent with a meal consisting solely of bread and wine. Box contained thirteen pieces of unleavened bread in the style of communion wafers and a clear plastic sachet of red wine with a drinking nozzle. Subject reported wafers as delicious and surprisingly filling with a taste reminiscent of very rare steak, and wine as excellent but slightly salty. Subject was placed under observation, but no anomalous behaviour has been reported.

Money entered: 0 yen, in the form of a single "zero yen" coin as dispensed by SCP-261 in an earlier test
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Bag containing full meal of burger, fries, onion rings, and large coke similar to that purchased from ████████, but with all nutritional information and ingredients list censored. Bag given to D-class test subject. Subject reports that meal had absolutely no flavour, a uniformly smooth and uninteresting texture, and did not reduce her hunger at all.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered (power cord had been accidentally pulled out of wall while cleaning up after previous experiment)
Item description: One soft drink can, similar in styling to diet cola, printed in a language later determined to be Denzongkha and to read "SCREAMING [untranslatable] - OPEN CAN ENJOY SCREAMING MEAL". Upon opening, can emitted a painful shrieking noise estimated at 125-130dB for approximately fifteen seconds, during which time subject managed to hold onto the can and reported it growing lighter. When the noise ceased, both subjects present noted that they felt oddly sated, and did not need to eat for the rest of the day.

Money entered: 3,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Item dispensed was a small tan box with the text "Tasty Fetus!" in dark green text. On the box below this text is a picture of a smiling light orange colored fetus. There is more dark green text below the picture that reads, “Now With Shorter Gestational Period!” The back of the box features a three panel comic with three human characters (two females and one male) in a domestic living room setting. In the first panel the female character on the right end of the panel has a speech bubble over her head, reading, “Mom and Dad, I have something to tell you…I’m pregnant.” The second panel shows the shocked faces of the parent characters in the middle of the panel, with a speech bubble over ‘Dad’ reading, “I can’t believe this! Young lady you are in so much trouble-” The daughter character interrupts him and says, “No Dad, it’s just the new Tasty Fetus!™” The final panel begins with the text “Four Weeks Later” and depicts the three characters laughing and making ‘mmm’ noises while consuming an orange fetus-shaped gummy. The fetus is still attached to what appears to be an umbilical cord.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Power Status: Unpowered
Item description: At first, no object was seen delivered from SCP-261; an investigation of the delivery tray did discover a tiny package roughly 1cm square. Object was moved to a lab where microscopic analysis revealed the packaging to be standard cellophane with the word "Nanosnax" on the front in English. The remainder of the writing on the packaging consisted of a series of numbers and letters corresponding to hexadecimal, though with no known relation to any language. Inside the packaging was a small circular wafer; analysis revealed the wafer to be pure silicon. Wafer and packaging have been retained for further research.
Note: Several of the hexadecimal numbers on the package have been positively identified as op-codes for the MOS Technology 6502 microprocessor; the remaining hexadecimal numbers have yet to be identified and do not correspond to any op-codes of any known microprocessor.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Power Status: Unpowered
Item description: "Jelly Joybeans - Assorted Emotions." Packaging is a semi-transparent plastic in English. Contents are an assortment of colored jelly beans. When consumed, subject is overcome with a specific emotional state for 3 - 5 seconds. Initial testing revealed a correlation between bean color and the emotion experienced; red is joy, blue is sadness, pink is sexual arousal, yellow is fear, green is anger, and purple is jealousy. Analysis revealed several chemicals known to interfere with human neurotransmitters as well as an accelerant.

Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: “Colonel Frosty’s Mystical Ice Bomb!” made by Kraft. Contained in a light blue box roughly 5 cm x 5 cm x 5 cm. According to the label it was Pomegranate-Grapefruit flavored. Inside the box was a sphere the size of a marble with a small button on the side. The object exuded fumes of a room-temperature reddish-orange gas. When subject pressed the button on the side the sphere lit up brightly before exploding in a cloud of smoke that filled the room. After the smoke cleared, it was revealed that all surfaces in the entire room, including all staff present, were coated in a reddish-orange frost. The frost was entirely edible and tasted of sugar and citric acid. All conventional means of cleanup failed; the only successful method of removing the frost was through licking. It took a total ██ staff members licking the break room and all staff present during the explosion for an hour before it was clean.

Money entered: 198 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A cellophane packet whose label read "Powdered milk with extra spiders - just add water and stir!"; when the contents of the packet were added to a glass of water and stirred, the result was a glass of skim milk containing 85 small live spiders.

Money entered: 2,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Large unlabeled clear plastic canister containing assorted hard candy shaped like various multi-sided dice akin to those used in tabletop gaming. Each numbered side produced a different flavor when tasted, with each denomination of dice producing a different set of flavors. Taste tests performed on a D-6 and a D-20 sample found that the former produced common fruit flavors while the latter contained a wide variety of flavors, many of which were not commonly used in hard candy.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Uncle Shifty's Instant Booze Tablets- A small, plastic tube containing five (5) white tablets resembling aspirin tablets. Label on tube depicts a poorly groomed older man holding a flask in his right hand and giving a 'thumbs up' with his left. Discovered that when a tablet is placed in water, it begins to dissolve rapidly until the water is transmuted into its volumetric equivalent in 5% alcohol content beer. Remaining tablets sent to lab for further analysis.

Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A 12-oz aluminum soda can labeled "Yukio Tanaka's Exquisite Ginger Drinking Vinegar" in English. Additional packaging in Basque. Packaging and nutritional information declared the can to be a ginger-flavoured vinegar beverage. Testing of the can's contents revealed the liquid to be 12M hydrofluoric acid.

Money entered: 314 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Two geppei mooncakes with peanut filling, one round and one square, in a transparent package. Further examination revealed that bottoms of both mooncakes have equal areas.


Money entered: 1,000 1-yen coins
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: 5ml round-bottom flask with short neck, capped with rubber stopper, partially filled with grains of a white crystalline solid. Item included a round pair of translucent-purple, plastic forceps wrapped around the spherical body of the flask, kept in place by a plastic wrapper. Packaging labeled in Japanese, translated as “Ball of Boredom”, with English instructions that read as follows, “This is a package for best results using forceps. One, alone can enjoy the best” [sic]. Under the supervision of Dr. Whitehall, D-20883 was instructed to open the container and count the contents using tools included. D-20883 verbally expressed their incredulity at the tedium of the task but complied, counting one thousand (1000) grains of the solid. D-20883 subsequently instructed to consume one grain at a time and describe the flavor. Each of the 1000 grains was invariably described by D-20883 as “salty” or some variation thereof, despite requests for more detailed descriptions. When provided with water following the experiment, D-20883 voiced complaints that it tasted “salty”. Subject claimed that their symptoms persisted for all food or drink, regardless of composition, until their termination. All experiment materials were tested for anomalous compounds but only traces of ordinary table salt were found.

Money entered: 1,000 1-yen coins
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: One (1) white cardboard folding carton containing six (6) over-sized pharmaceutical blister-packs, (10x6.0x2.0 cm). Blister pack has a single “bubble” containing one (1) grey-brown cookie effigy of Dr. Whitehall. Each cookie appears to be in the shape of a cartoon scientist with identifiable but comically exaggerated features of Dr. Whitehall. The foil back of the blister packs are plainly labeled with “Dr. Tedious : No Fun for Human Consumption”. Item fed to a Rattus norvegicus, D-Class personnel and research assistant, in that order, (one at a time, with observation periods between tests). No negative effects were observed. Research assistant described it as “underwhelming, bland and boring.” Remaining packs were framed and kept in Dr. Whitehall’s laboratory for aesthetic/morale purposes.


Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: One (1) bag of "Doritos Atomic". Bag given to a D-Class after testing failed to show any form of radiation. Upon consumption, the D-Class began displaying a reaction between eating a highly spicy food and being burnt alive. Reaction lasted for a minute until the subject passed out of dehydration and extreme pain. Later interview revealed that the D-Class was under the sensation that he "was being dunked in burning gasoline" Remaining chips were revealed to contain juice from the Naga Bhut Jolokia (ghost pepper), as well as several unknown compounds presumed to be responsible for the D-Class feeling the external burning sensation.

Comment: I'm requesting one of these chips to see how bodily submersion in water affects the secondary sensation of the chips. -Dr. Slav

Money entered: 307 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: One (1) vacuum-sealed "bargain bag" containing twelve (12) rolls of "Papaya Shaving Lozenges", with each roll containing 12 lozenges. Rolls are labeled "not for individual resale" and "health warning: do not consume more than one Papaya Shaving Lozenge in a 6-hour period; pregnant or nursing women should not consume Papaya Shaving Lozenges" in English, Hungarian, and Malagasy. Upon consumption of a lozenge, D-class personnel immediately lost all facial and body hair; hair subsequently regrew at normal rate. Upon consumption of two lozenges at once, D-class personnel immediately lost all facial and body hair, and began experiencing nosebleeds and loss of hearing. Nosebleeds ceased after two hours; hearing had 50% returned by time of termination. Scalp hair was unaffected.

Money entered: 1999 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: One (1) rectangular can of "Instant Party" depicting the face of American singer Prince above the words "Let's get this party started!". Can was opened with a key glued to the side of the can. Upon opening, the song "1999" was heard from the can, along with a series of lights consistent with that of a nightclub. D-class personnel reported a strong urge to dance. Effect persisted for 3 hours, after which time the can became inert.

Money entered: 1200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: One (1) bottle of "Mr. Mercer's amazing condiment". Bottle found to contain 2 oz of orange paste. When applied to any object, the condiment made the object incredibly palatable. This was seen to work on all objects it was tested on, including wood, stone, sand, and rotten meat. However, it does not change the composition of the object it is applied to. Bottle sent to lab for testing.

Money entered: 1 Keichō-era Koban (the gold currency during the Tokugawa period.)
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: 1642.5 cups of uncooked rice, in the form of grains ejected from SCP-261's slot. Cleanup required 3 researchers and thirty-three (33) 20-pound rice bags. Rice grains reportedly looked "Like someone had picked them out of the mud". D-class personnel reported no unusual effects upon consumption.

Money entered: 1 Man'en-era Koban
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: 280 cups of uncooked rice, in the form of grains ejected from SCP-261's slot. Cleanup required 1 researcher and six (6) 20-pound rice bags. Rice reported to still look "dingey". D-class personnel reported no unusual effects upon consumption.

Money entered: 1 Hōei-era Koban
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: One (1) Packet of "手招き肉" (Beckoning meat) containing six slabs of cooked meat from the Felis catus, specifically, the Japanese Bobtail. An illustration in the upper left corner depicts a beckoning cat being spit-roasted. D-class was initially reluctant to consume object, but was persuaded after 4 minutes by researchers. Upon consumption, D-class personnel reportedly felt "lucky". No other effects noted.


Money entered: 7,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: The hoof of a cow, wrapped in loose cellophane, entered the receptacle, but could not be removed due to size. The item seemed to be attached to a full animal inside SCP-261, and struggling sounds were heard from SCP-261. Upon attempts to open SCP-261, the sound of tearing flesh could be heard, the hoof severed and fell out of the receptacle, and the machine was found to be empty. Analysis reports that the hoof belonged to a regular Bos primigenius. Notably contained cream filling in place of bone marrow.


Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: One medium-sized cellophane bag with no markings. Bag contained approximately sixty thin strips of lightly seasoned jerky. D-class personnel likened the taste to typical teriyaki-flavored jerky, but reported a stinging sensation in right cheek after swallowing. Subject collapsed and died after approximately 140 seconds. Further examination revealed the jerky to be made of jellyfish, specifically the Box Jellyfish species (Chironex fleckeri).

Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: One small box of "Nips". Box labeling and description almost identical to the Nestlé brand of caramel candies under the same name. Notable differences include the flavor advertised to be "Flesh", and the picture of the candy no longer the typical round shape, but instead shaped similarly to human nipples. Box contained approximately 16 candies, in various shades stemming from pink to brown. Taste was described as similar to pork, texture similar to the Nestlé-brand candies.


Money entered: 1400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: One box containing four 'PEZ' dispensers and twelve blocks of 'PEZ' candy. Heads on the dispensers were modeled after those of former American president Bill Clinton, former White House intern Monica Lewinsky, former independent prosecutor Ken Starr, and former Lewinsky confidante Linda Tripp. Candies and dispensers not found to be anomalous.


Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Dr. College's EasyRam": A small plastic cup with image of a stereotypical "mad scientist" on the top. Packaging in American English. Instructions to add water and heat in microwave for 60 seconds. Result is ramen noodles in what appears to be a low-quality cheese sauce. Analysis revealed nutritional content to be identical to exactly one third of daily requirements for an average postpubescent male, with large amounts of Omega-3 fatty acids.


Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "Edimas": An edible miniature Clyster syringe with image of a smiling Asian child. Instructions in American English describing how to administer an enema with said product. Upon testing, was found to not only function as an enema, but also administers a nutrient supplement to the colonal walls. Sent to lab for testing.


Money entered: Precisely half of a 100-yen coin
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: The top half of a standard 354ml (12oz) Coca-Cola can. Can confirmed to be empty. Upon being opened, approximately 177ml (6oz) of liquid, later confirmed to be Coca-Cola, fell from the bottom of the can and landed directly on the foot of the D-Class personnel conducting the test.


Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "ALTROIDS" - container which appeared to be a typical "Altoids" container, approximately 9.5 cm in length, 6 cm in width, and 2 cm in height. D-Class consumed one "mint" from container, resulting in muscle growth which increased muscle mass 1.5 times. Subject terminated in prevention of more muscle growth. "Mints" confirmed to contain steroids, as well as an unidentified chemical, though the ingredient list was identical to that of a normal Altoids container.


Money entered: One 500-yen coin with a holed drilled into the edge and tied to one(1) meter length of string (cotton). After the coin was inserted, string was pulled in an effort to pull the coin out. The string broke or became untied at the knot and the coin was accepted as usual.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Juicy Juice: Mountain berry - A single(1) juicebox of the popular children's brand fruit juice. Luke warm. Labels and ingredients were in English and Tests indicated the juice and box were unanomalous, but expired by three weeks and 4 days. Upon consumption, subject indicated that the juice "tasted funny."

Money entered: One 500-yen coin with a holed drilled into the edge and tied to one(1) meter length of monofilament fishing line (nylon, polyvinylidene fluoride (PVDF), polyethylene, Dacron and Dyneema (UHMWPE)). After the coin was inserted, string was pulled and coin successfully removed from the coin slot.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Chip Ahoy" brand cookies in a standard blue wrapper with four (4) standard sized chocolate chip cookies. Text on the package written in outdated Sanskrit. Cookies appeared ordinary. Edible. Subject voiced a dislike over this particular brand of cookie, but otherwise stated they were fine. Moments after completing the last cookie, subject immediately vomited a chunky brown paste. Tests shown the exact volume and ingredients to be equal to that of the 4 cookies, though it could not be determined what made the subject sick.

Money entered: One 500 yen coin with a holed drilled into the edge and tied to one(1) meter length of monofilament fishing line (nylon, polyvinylidene fluoride (PVDF), polyethylene, Dacron and Dyneema (UHMWPE)). After the coin was inserted, string was pulled and coin successfully removed from the coin slot.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Shmoothie!: Chocolate Watermelon". 32oz. Clear plastic squeeze bottle, label and ingredients in English, except with punctuation at the start of the sentence. Possible marketing gimmick. Label included a stenciled picture of a watermelon with chocolate syrup on it. Thick light-brown liquid inside appeared similar in texture to a melted chocolate milkshake. Testings proved edible. Subject stated flavour was like a "Jolly Rancher" brand hardcandy dissolved in milk, and gagged after each sip. Upon completion of the bottle, Subject was asked to describe his condition. Subject sat quiet in a ponderous state for 8 seconds before violently vomiting a frothy fluid onto the testing area. Clean up was able to collect 31.53oz of the fluid, as .47oz had absorbed in the subjects clothes (Confiscated).

Money entered: One 500-yen coin with a holed drilled into the edge and tied to one (1) meter length of monofilament fishing line (nylon, polyvinylidene fluoride (PVDF), polyethylene, Dacron and Dyneema (UHMWPE)). After the coin was inserted, string was pulled and coin successfully removed from the coin slot.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Nong Shim Udon Premium Noodle Soup" dried noodles in a plastic bowl. Edible. No utensils included. Package seems ordinary. Text is written in both English and Japanese. While boiling water is poured onto the noodles, as per the directions, subject comments that he enjoys this brand of noodles. When questioned on his condition after 5 bites, Subjects states "Probably not the best I've has ever had but for a packaged udon, it’s pretty damn good." When finished, the subject immediately vomited partially digested noodles and broth onto the testing area. Again, tests revealed nothing that should cause such a reaction.


Money entered: 42 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Dr. Kaur pressed all the buttons at the same time. SCP-261 proceeded to make loud noises and shake violently for 5 seconds before dispensing a piece of paper 9x6 cm. On one side it had the words "Meal Voucher" while on the reverse side it says "We Apologize For The Inconvenience."


Money Entered: 777 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: SCP-261 began to shake, making a variety of dinging noises before dispensing exactly 777 chocolate coins, with foil designed similarly to casino tokens.

Money Entered: 13 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A cardboard cereal box labeled "UnLucky Charms" in black marker. Contents consisted of non-anomalous oat cereal, described as very stale by D-Class personnel. "Best before" date on the box had passed several years prior.

Money Entered: 17 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A standard Nintendo "Game Boy" handheld gaming system, operating the game "Tetris". Personnel reported the taste of blue raspberry while interacting with the device.


Money Entered: 755 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A yellow tinted glass bottle with a black label. Stylized yellow lettering read "Thunder Bar" in a language similar to Czech, along with "Warning, not for consumption by individuals under the age of 48". Bottle contained a red, somewhat viscous red fluid. When opened by D-Class personnel, who was 52 years of age, a massive thunderclap was heard, nearly deafening nearby researchers. Upon consumption, subject noted a strong raspberry taste before falling unconscious. Medical examinations revealed an extremely high blood alcohol content of over 0.75%, which should have been fatal. Subject has since been in a constant state of extreme inebriation, but is otherwise expected to make a full recovery.


Money Entered: 100 yen, followed by an additional 100 yen once the machine began dispensing.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Machine shook for a estimated twelve seconds before going silent. It then ejected 100 Yen from the coin return, before dispensing a soda can split lengthways. Can contained an estimated 177 ml of lemonade. Lemonade proved unaffected by gravity and remained within the can until consumed. Black print on the exterior of the can read "Make Up Your Damn Mind" along with a frowning emoticon.

Money Entered: One 500 yen coin with a hole drilled though it, and a length of thick yarn died through the hole; small amount of adhesive applied to the rope to ensure the coin's retrieval. Upon insertion, the string was pulled back and the coin successfully retrieved.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Machine hesitated from roughly five seconds, then dispensed a live beehive. The beehive immediately broke open upon impact, releasing a swarm of bees to attack nearby personnel. After several minutes, Foundation beekeepers were able to subdue and contain the swarm, with a majority of personnel escaping with only moderate injuries. Testing revealed the bees to be non-anomalous.


Name: Researcher ██████████

Money Entered: 600 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A small two-compartment plastic bag; exterior read "Candy Commandos" in English, Italian, and French script. Contained twelve toy soldiers of green and yellow coloring, similar in appearance to plastic army men. Once removed, miniature soldiers animated and began battling soldiers of differing color. Figures were observed utilizing fairly advanced military tactics, although no actual combat was initiated due to a lack of functional weaponry. After two minutes, the figures ceased animation. Reported to taste of peppermint.

Money Entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: One 30-gram plastic tube containing small white pellets. Packaging in an unknown language, alongside the image of a skeletal human hand giving a "thumbs-up" motion. A second skeletal hand was pictured holding a glass of water, with a white pellet visible inside. When placed in water as directed, the liquid began to thicken to an extremely viscous consistency, likened to that of pudding. Substance proved edible, although was said to taste of "dirt and rotting meat".

Money Entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "Crmls [sic]" - Resealable tin containing caramel candies. Subject consumed caramels without issue, before expressing difficulty in speaking. Subject began to slur their words until becoming entirely unintelligible. Medical examination discovered no visible abnormalities. The following morning, subject awoke to find that their teeth and tongue had completely vanished.

I'm beginning to wonder how repeated usages continue to increase the volatility of anomalous content. Perhaps we're "tiring it out", so to speak? - Junior Researcher Harris


Money Entered: 110 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A single plain doughnut on a paper-plate. Showed no abnormalities, and was consumed without issue. Further testing regarding SCP-261's purported sentience are ongoing.


Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: LanuGoGoGo! brand candy hair, raspberry flavor. The package, depicted in English, showed happy children growing full handlebar mustaches of bright neon colors. Inside the package were five individually wrapped tablets. Subject opened one wrapper and consumed the tablet, noting that it had a chalky, fibrous taste and texture, similar to dry oat bran. Five minutes and 14 seconds after consumption, subject started growing magenta fibers of a sugary consistency from her upper lip, at a rate of approximately 1 cm every 2 seconds. Mustache stopped growing after 73 seconds. The mustache could be easily and harmlessly broken off the subject, and consumed. The mustache fibers melted into sugar in the subject's mouth and tasted strongly sweet and of artificial raspberry. Subject noted a feeling of "being a kid again" after consuming her mustache.

Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Shakespeare's Scrumptious Sonnets, Blackthorn Flavour. An envelope containing four sheets of vellum, each (supposedly) with one of Shakespeare's sonnets handwritten on them in a Prunus spinosa-based ink. The sonnets written were #34, #77, #121 (although noted as #145) and an unrecognized sonnet noted to be Sonnet #219. Note that Shakespeare was known to have written only 154 sonnets. When a sonnet is read aloud, all individuals within earshot reported sensing a tart flavor similar to damson plum. Upon a second reading, listening to the same sonnet had no anomalous effect. All sonnets appear to only deliver the flavor sensation once. The vellum, when consumed, is dry and flavorless.


Money Entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Colonel Crone's Confession CandyTM - Orange box containing twelve assorted hard candies. Labeling written in European English, with each candy being wrapped in a label displaying its flavor. Upon consumption of the candy, subject will involuntarily divulge secrets about themselves whenever communication is attempted. Consumption of addition candy results in the subject sharing more closely kept secrets. Chemical testing has shown no abnormalities in the candy's composition.

Well, guess everyone knows now, no point in hiding who I am. But hey, that's a nice story. "How'd you come out?" "Oh it was because of SCP-261." I'm rambling again, aren't I? Y'know, I've had probl— [REDACTED FOR BREVITY] - Junior Researcher Andrew Gatling


Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A 2 oz cardboard box of "Loony Lionel's Wound-Lickers", printed in stylized English lettering. Printed left of the label is a cartoon lion licking a blue variant of the candy inside, applied to its left paw. "Just stick 'em on and lick 'em off, Lion-style!" is also printed underneath the labelling. Box contains twenty-four (24) circular, multicolored candy bandages. Subject applied one bandage to a small cut on her hand, despite expressing how "stupid" she felt doing so. Upon licking the orange bandage off, subject's wound appeared to be completely healed. Remainder of samples collected for further testing.


Money Entered: 250 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Twenty-seven shotgun shells dispensed over the course of six seconds. Small text on the bottom of each shell read "Tannhauser Edible Weaponry" in Japanese. Despite being chemically identical to non-anomalous shotgun shells, subjects showed no ill-effects from consuming the ammunition. Shells also showed no abnormalities when fired. Reportedly tasted like a combination of chocolate and bananas.

Money Entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Seventeen empty jars, each with an approximate volume of 350 ml. All jars lacked a lid, and had identical cracks running lengthwise from the lip of the jars.

Money Entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Machine shook for several seconds before ejecting the 500 yen from the coin slot, along with a typed note that read "Service Required". Note was primarily in Japanese, with English sub-text typed in parenthesis beneath it. The machine then produced seventeen jar lids, all covered in a translucent yellow substance, identified as honey. This was followed by a massive amount of honey flowing from the bottom slot. Further analysis found that the machine's entire internal compartment was covered with honey. Attempts to vend additional products during this time only resulted in the expulsion of more honey. No internal circuitry had been affected, although it did take several hours to rid the machine's interior of honey. Once completely clean, SCP-261 began functioning as expected.


Money Entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A large metal cube with various green pictographs engraved onto its surface. Initial attempts at ingestion were unsuccessful, as the object showed no immediate method by which to consume it. After subject's saliva made contact with the cube, the point of contact began to rapidly rust, with the subject reporting a foul metallic taste. Subject was instructed to lick the rest of the object until its surface was completely covered in rust. Following this, subject stated that they felt sated and did not require additional sustenance for 24 hours. Further examination of the cube found that the pictographs had since faded, and were replaced by a large red "X" symbol on each face.


Money entered: 5,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Lafferty" yellow soda can with an image depicting an adolescent male pointing directly at the viewer, a large tea cup in hand. Initial effect included D-class bursting out in uncontrollable laughter. Approximately 20 minutes and 17 seconds later, laughing had completely ceased. Further examination had revealed subject to have lost 0.7 kg in body fat. Subject also reported to have a warm, soft, lemon taste in their mouth.
Note: Nutrition label on the side of the can had total calories at -5620.

Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A blue and gold cardboard box. Package opened remotely. On the inside sat a blue pencil sharpener and colorful pencils with varying smells. Sharpening the pencils would open a pocket in the back of the sharpener, dispensing a random sliced fruit. Remaining number of pencils is fourteen (14).


Money entered: 600 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Rubik's Candy Cube" An unsolved functional hard-candy Rubik's Cube. When the item was solved it came apart to reveal a rainbow-colored candy that, when eaten, caused the pieces of the cube to come together again in a random pattern. Solving the puzzle again revealed another candy.

Money Entered: 150 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Dr. Wondertainment's Amazing Burst-o-bubbles [sic]" - A small pink gumball enclosed in a purple plastic wrapper with stylized yellow lettering. Showed no abnormalities until subject attempted to blow a bubble, upon which the gum expanded to an estimated 170 cm in diameter before popping. The resulting concussive force caused minor concussions in nearby personnel, along with several diagnoses of mild tinnitus. Notably, subject suffered no ill effects from the blast, with the test chamber reportedly smelling of glazed sugar and sulfur for several days.


Money entered: 1,000 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Polyglot in a Can: Modern Languages" Written in Japanese. No list of ingredients shown. Upon consumption subject showed fluency in Spanish, French and German. Effects wore off after an hour.

Money entered: 1,000 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Polyglot in a Can: Ancient Languages" Written in Japanese. No list of ingredients shown. Upon consumption subject showed fluency in Greek, Latin and ancient Sumerian. Effects wore off after an hour.


Money entered: 500 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A box of "UnSweethearts Candies", label in Russian. Package contains no text, other than the label, a bar code, and a label indicating manufacture in Lyon, France. Contained 25 teardrop-shaped candies, each printed with a phrase thematically relating to the dissolution of a romantic relationship (e.g. "I drink to forget you"; "You are the reason for my restraining order"; etc.) Testing revealed each candy contained 1 milligram of Cyanide.


Note: Before the following experiments, SCP-███ briefly broke containment. While it was quickly recontained, it was not before the site's power supply was damaged and had to be shut down for repairs. It was decided to test SCP-261 with the back-up generator running to see if any notable differences were apparent. Labeled as "Partially Powered" for the sake of consistency.

Money Entered: 250 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Partially Powered
Item description: A two-liter cardboard milk carton filled with a white liquid. Label read "Bad Value", most likely a parody of the brand "Great Value". Expiration date read "2/14/3127". All available subjects refused to consume the liquid, even under threat of termination. Furthermore, subjects exposed to the carton refused to consume any form of dairy product for an estimated 48 hours. Chemical analysis found the liquid to be a non-anomalous combination of goat's milk and cow's milk.

Money Entered: One 500 yen coin with a hole drilled though it, and a length of thick yarn died through the hole; small amount of adhesive applied to the rope to ensure the coin's retrieval. Upon insertion, the string was pulled back and the coin successfully retrieved.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Partially Powered
Item description: Machine hesitated for roughly five seconds, before dispensing a grenade. The grenade detonated approximately two seconds after impacting the ground, while those present scattered. However, in lieu of an explosion, the grenade ejected a large amount of confetti alongside a sound similar to that of a plastic noisemaker. All individuals within the room at the time of detonation reported at strong taste of peppermint.

Money Entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Partially Powered
Item description: An unlabeled aluminum soda can, red in coloration. Contained an opaque brown-tinted liquid. Subject ingested the liquid, then immediately expelled it, comparing the taste to "pennies and dead caterpillars".

Note At this point testing was concluded for the day. Power station was back up and running at 23:22 the same night.


Money Entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A purple cloth bag. Stylized green lettering on the bag's exterior read "Sleep is the best medicine! You've heard it before, now try it for yourself!" in English. Bag contained thirty oblong white pills. D-3512, who has had a history of persistent migraines, consumed a singular pill before entering a comatose state.Subject remained in this state for 48 hours, and required no external nutrition during this time. After awakening, subject reported feeling extremely well rested, and that their migraine had vanished.


Money Entered: 445 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Lord Wentworth's Monocle of Excellence - A gold rimmed monocle inside a foil wrapper, depicting a humanoid silhouette wearing a top hat and monocle. Monocle was retrieved from the packaging and worn by the subject. While wearing the monocle subject claimed they could see a cup of tea on the chamber floor nearby. The subject approached the supposed tea cup, and made actions to pick it up and drink it, claiming it to taste similarly to sweetened Earl Grey tea. Following consumption, the monocle began to tarnish and rapidly degraded, leaving only the lens.

Money Entered: Half of a 500 yen coin
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Machine shook violently for approximately three minutes before dispensing a small blue orb. Orb was given to D-8845 to inspect an attempt to consume. When bit, the orb became gelatinous in nature and violently forced itself down D-8845's oral cavity unassisted. Subject reported a strong flavor similar to blueberries, but distinctly different. Further tests with partial currency are underway.

Money Entered: Two halves of separate 500 yen coins
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Machine shook violently for approximately one minute before dispensing a large foil package. Art on the package depicted a rolling pastoral countryside with a flaming humanoid figure visible in the distance. Writing on the package reminiscent of early Welsh was loosely translated to "Thatch Man Village!" then "This is an offering from them to you!" in smaller text. Package contents were similar to a primitive hillside village full of animate miniature humanoids. These humanoids began constructing a small wicker man in the center of the village using pieces of wood retrieved from structures. Upon completion, the humanoids set the construction alight, emitting a hazy black smoke. Personnel who inhaled this smoke reported feeling well fed. Shorty after the wicker man had ceased burning, the village and its inhabitants ceased animation and crumbled into dust.

Money Entered: 750 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: OmNomNomOpoeia - A rectangular box decorated with a cartoon cow stating "The Moo-st Delicious Thing on Earth!" Box contained twenty circular white chocolates. When consumed, subject was observed emitting animal vocalizations in place of onomatopoeia. Medical examinations revealed the subject's vocal cords would expand and contract involuntarily when producing these anomalous vocalizations. Effects have not faded since consumption.


Money Entered: 47 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: One fine bone china tea cup containing tea, Earl Grey, hot which can only be referred to as such. Any conscious attempts at referring to the object in a manner other than "tea, Earl Grey, hot" have failed. Item manifested as incorporeal in the retrieval area of the machine and slowly became more tangible over time. Taste described as an attempt to make tea, Earl Grey, hot by someone who had heard of tea, Earl Grey, hot but never tasted it.


Money entered: 250 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Blueberry yoo-hoo - Upon opening the can, it yelled “Yoo-hoo!” in a high-pitched voice. D-3489 ingested beverage without incident, but experienced an increased rate of flatulence for three hours after consuming drink; each flatus repeating the phrase “Yoo-hoo!”

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: <Unknown> - A wax-paper bag with a picture of an anthropomorphic cartoon pig wearing a toga and laurels on it. Contained three strips of bacon. D-3489 described bacon as “Ough-tay and-ay oo-tay alty-say.” D-3489 continued speaking in this manner for 45 minutes after consumption without noticing.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Russian Nesting Twinkie - Package contained a single Hostess brand Twinkie. Illustration on the package depicted a hand squeezing a Twinkie. D-3489 ordered to squeeze the Twinkie. Upon squeezing, the Twinkie ejected an identical Twinkie. The second Twinkie ejected a third in the same manner. A total of five Twinkies were produced before they stopped multiplying.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Rock Candy Geode - A plastic wrapped sphere of rock candy roughly the size of a softball. Other than the product name, the wrapper had no writing on it, only a picture of a hand smashing the ball against a tabletop. D-3489 was ordered to smash ball as indicated, which caused the ball to crack into two near-perfect halves. The ball was partially hollow and contained 4 different colored layers of rock candy.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: <Unknown> - A small cardboard box containing 60 matches of various colors. The box was blank, other than a tiny sentence handwritten on the bottom declaring “The whole world is matchless!” When struck on the side of the box, the matches ignited, producing flames the same colors as the matchsticks themselves, which rapidly solidified into fruit-flavored suckers.

Money Entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Charcoal Chuckles - A standard package of Chuckles jelly candy, with the main difference being the candy's black coloration an tasting of licorice. After consuming all five candies, subject proceeded to belch black flames which, despite their appearance, did not give off any heat or damage their surroundings.

Money Entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Dreampuffs - A plastic package depicting a cartoon boy fast asleep. Contained two cream puff snack cakes, one of which the subject consumed. Subject immediately began acting lethargic, entering REM sleep three minutes after consumption. He awoke fifty minutes later stating that he had dreamt of attending a large feast, and that he felt completely satiated. Remaining pastry removed for analysis.

Money entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: The Philosopher's Scone - A cellophane-wrapped scone with a sticker reading “The Philosopher’s Scone: Good for 30 more Minutes!” Consumed by D-3489 without incident; described as flavorless and unfulfilling.
Edit: Four days after testing SCP-261, D-3489 was violently eviscerated during testing with SCP-███. His remains stayed alive for thirty minutes after what should have been a fatal injury, and he was able to provide valuable information related to SCP-███.

Money entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Fine Klein Wine - A glass Klein bottle that appears empty when not in use. When brought to a person’s lips to drink, the bottle begins spontaneously generating Pinot Noir. A finite amount is produced, though very little is needed, due to its second property. Wine entering the mouth does not proceed down the esophagus as usual, but instead arcs up and out the nostrils, re-enters the bottle, and loops back around through the secondary opening, forming an infinite loop of wine. Since the wine never enters the throat, it is possible to breathe while drinking. D-3489 described process as “Uncomfortable-ay, ut-bay ot-nay as-ay ad-bay as-ay ou’d-yay ink-thay.”

Money Entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Gummi Wormhole - An inflated black sphere with no discernible poignant of inflation. Drawings on the sphere depicted various cartoon multicolored worms traveling through circular portals. Popped when subject attempted to consume it. When popped, the balloon collapsed inwards, opening a circular portal roughly 50 cm in diameter. From this portal emerged a large multicolored gummi worm, which showed immediate hostility by attacking the subject. Worm was dispatched after several minutes by security, upon which the portal collapsed inwards and disappeared. Remains were non-anomalous, but contained an intricate network of organs composed entirely of gummy candy.

Money Entered: 700
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Stainless steel cube, with a keyhole on one face and an ornate bronze key attached to the cube via chain. The opposing face depicted a bull's head. When opened using the attached key, the cube collapsed outwards, revealing a miniature chocolate figure resembling a Minotaur. The figure rapidly grew to an estimated nine meters in high before animating, exclaiming "I am the Minotaur!" and bludgeoning nearby personnel into unconsciousness. Security engaged the hostile, requiring eight members of personnel to successfully terminate the entity. Remains were non-anomalous, weighed 754 kg and were composed entirely of milk chocolate.


Money Entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item Description: "Retroactibites" — Brightly colored foil bag containing 12 jawbreakers in the shape of clocks. Appeared to vanish upon contact with subject's tongue. Subject's memory of the past six hours was altered to consist of his receiving the candy and sucking on it. No changes to researchers' memory or security footage are apparent, but subject exhibits physiological changes consistent with their changed memory, including mild dehydration, stiff joints from standing in place, and degradation of tooth enamel from constant sucking. Flavor is described as "compelling."


Money Entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "MAGIK POTON [sic]" - A glass bottle with crude labeling drawn in crayon. Label depicted an elephant in stereotypical wizard clothing, drawn in a similar style. Bottle contained a black liquid, dotted with flecks of white. Once consumed, subject reported feeling nauseous before falling unconscious. Subject then began miming various animals in this unconsious state, changing animals at twenty minute intervals. This continued for a period of four hours, upon which the they awoke. Subject claimed to have no memory of the even, although examination revealed a small tattoo on the subject's left wrist depicting the same elephant character present on the bottle's packaging.


Money Entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "CONSUME" - A fluorescent green soft-plastic squeeze bottle. Labeling was in English purple block-lettering, alongside a minimalist thumbs-up icon. Contents consisted of a white paste, identified as a complete meal substitute containing 2.5 MJ of food energy and 1/3 of all major nutrients, alongside small dosages of alprazolam and erythromycin. Subject reported it to taste of vanilla.


Money Entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item Description: "Gator-Aid" A bottle of flavored water, tested on D-555, D-555 drunk some and suddenly spat it out claiming "it tastes like someone died in it" Testing concluded that the bottle contained meat from a variety of animals and swamp water.


Money Entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: "Pearcel Cookie" A pear-flavored cookie, green in coloration. Wrapped in plastic wrap with a pear-shaped sticker with an unknown symbol on it keeping the wrap together. Tests revealed that item contained standard ingredients of a pear and a cookie. Given to D-98547, tasted remarkably like a "pear and chocolate chip cookie, mixed together, and it was horrible"

Money Entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Identical to the previous test, although the cookie was much darker in coloration. When retrieved by the subject, the confection was accidentally dropped, upon which it broke into nine equal portions, with each retaining the exact same mass as the original cookie. Further attempts to break the confection have produced similar results, which shattered remnants retaining the exact same mass as the complete confection.


Money Entered: One half of a 50 yen coin glued to the other half. One half upside down.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: "Conceptual Cookie", wrapped in a plastic box with no openings. The box had a metal slot and a button on it. Those were not present, but all observers "knew" of their existence. The subject "thought of" pressing the button and a cookie was ejected. The subject held a cookie; however, nobody could clearly pinpoint its location: video recordings showed cookies, slots and buttons. The security cameras showing cookies being eaten at different times. After using SCP-261 again, the recordings of the test were altered to show one cookie. Some researchers reported that there was always one cookie, some reported that they "knew" of the cookie but it wasn't there. It is theorized that the cookie was supposed to only exist "conceptually"; however, the coin caused the cookie to be half-physical, being kept physical by 261, 261 "stopping" when used again. The subject reported that the cookie was "half-chocolate" and stated that he "just knew".


Money Entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Otaku Edition Pocky" - Labeling is written in broken romanized Japanese, similar to what would be produced by an online translator. Small print below the title advertises a thirty day free trial of Rosetta Stone, an online educational website specializing in foreign language. Box contents consisted of pretzel sticks dipped in vanilla icing with a sprinkle topping. Neither Rosetta Stone nor Ezaki Glico have any knowledge of this product.

Money Entered: 350 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Gummy Gladiators" - A plastic tube separated by an opaque divider, attached to a paper tab on the tube's exterior. Inside the tube were two red humanoid figures similar in appearance to stereotypical Roman gladiators. These figures were animate and separated by the divider. Labeling and instructions were printed in Latin. As described by the instructions, the exterior tab was pulled, removing the barrier separating the two figures. The figures then immediately attacked one another, with the fight lasting approximately three minutes before one figure terminated the other via manual decapitation. Both figures ceased animation, allowing researchers to access the tube through a rubber cap sealing the interior. Figures were reported to taste of artificial cherry.

Money Entered: 300 yen.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: Chicken Candy Can - A cylindrical metal with a cartoon chick on the packaging. Labels in medieval English. Inside the can were several marzipan feathers or assorted colors, some gummy 'meat' and bones, and one egg with a fruit-flavored shell. When opened, it was revealed to be filled with melted white chocolate, with a caramel 'yolk' and a gummy chick.


Money Entered: 1,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "dark eye [sic]" - A rounded glass bottle with no external markings, save for its name written on a yellowed piece of paper taped to its exterior. Bottle was sealed by a rubber cork. Bottle contained approximately 200 mL of viscious black liquid. Subject expressed difficulty swallowing the substance, and noted a strong taste of black licorice. Upon consumption, subject reported mild irritation in her left eye. The following day, subject's left eye was discovered to have completely vanished, having been replaced by a featureless black hole. Subject displayed significantly increased perception in dark environments, although showed extreme sensitivity to light.

Money Entered: 400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A heart-shaped locket, attached to a chain necklace. Both the necklace and chain were composed of white and dark chocolate, respectively. Subject consumed the necklace without issue, requesting additional chocolate following consumption. Since inital consumption, subject has made a habit of requesting chocolate once per day, acting out in a childish manner when denied. Further testing revealed the subject's mental age had reduced to that comparable of a ten year-old child.


Money entered: 1,000 yen with "Something for Cassy" written in kanji on it.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: A 3" x 5" drawing of a picnic basket, a checkered ground cloth, and a hand cranked ice cream maker. Request to introduce the drawing to SCP-085 pending O5 approval.

Money Entered: 400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "candy for polly morph by dado" - Clear plastic bag containing ten hard white candies shaped like vitamin tablets. Label was poorly handwritten on the bag's exterior in black ink. Chemical analysis revealed no abnormalities in composition, being chemically identical to non-anomalous Jawbreaker candies. Subject consumed a singular tablet, noting it to taste similarly to writing chalk. Subject's body then immediately compressed inwards, reshaping to form a crude facsimile of a parrot. Subject expired soon after due to a heart attack brought on by the shock of the transformation. Remaining tablets confiscated for further testing.


Money Entered: 300 yen, with "Alternative Testing Subjects" written on it in Japanese romaji.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A bright orange package, unmarked. When opened, an object from within the box rapidly inflated. The object was revealed to be a featureless humanoid figure composed of vinyl, wearing a standard D-Class personnel uniform. Further examination revealed the interior of the object to be filled with vanilla custard.


Money Entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Sassparilla [sic]" - A bottle of standard sarsaparilla soft drink. Labeling is typical of modern reproductions of root beer-style soft drinks. No unusual taste reported. Following complete consumption, subject became irritable and arrogant, making snide remarks towards researchers with little provocation. Subject proceeded to make several remarks regarding Dr. Thorton's mother, and was ordered to be restrained by on-site security. Following the subject's removal, researchers were unable to explain why they had the subject removed, instead repeatedly insisting that they were "asking for it" by speaking in that manner.


Dr. Allok engaged in testing to determine if allowing SCP-261 time to “cool down” would help keep more dangerous or unpleasant foodstuffs from appearing. Testing followed a fifteen minute cycle, each test utilizing 500 yen. This cycle was repeated until anomalous items were produced, then testing was suspended for two hours before resuming. During testing suspension, SCP-261 remained unused by any other parties.

Dr. Allok's notes: It seems to overheat, let's be honest. Push it hard and long enough, and it's going to drop something dangerous. Plus, dumping too much money in it seems to confuse it, for lack of a better term. So we take it slow and steady.

NOTE: MUNDANE ITEMS OMITTED, FULL RECORD AVAILABLE ON CALL#0098-89-DDA

Money Entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Dark Surprise Gum" - A small cellophane packet, with labeling written in Japanese kanji text. Produced by the company "Hello Okashi". Package depicts a long-haired woman emerging from a locker. The woman's body has been bisected, with the lower half being completely absent. Package contained three thin wafers of black chewing gum, about the size of standard playing cards. Slight perforations across the center of the wafers allow them to be easily broken, and assumably shared. The interior of the wrapper contained a truncated version of the Japanese "Teke-Teke" legend. Flavor was described as gritty and rather unpleasant by the subject.

Following consumption, subject began to act erratically, claiming to have heard a variety of unsettling noises from an unknown source. Subject became increasingly panicked over the course of ten minutes, suddenly screaming and losing consciousness. Once the subject awoke, they claimed that a humanoid creature identical to that featured on the confection's packaging had attacked it. Physical examination discovered slight lacerations around the subject's abdominal region. Remaining candy confiscated for further analysis.

Money Entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "CoCo Calavera" - A brightly colored cellophane pouch, decorated with patterns associated with the Mexican “Día de Muerto” Day of the Dead celebration. Labeling is written in modern Spanish, and provided a short description of the holiday, alongside various traditional holiday meals. Within the package was a small three-dimensional sugar skull, decorated with red icing in traditional patterns. The skull possesses a pair of ram horns protruding from the temporal bone, alongside sharpened teeth. The skull is primarily composed of pure crystallized cocoa, although its chemical composition doesn't match any known breed of cocoa plant. Flavor was described as very bitter, with a slight taste of chili peppers.

Money Entered: 500 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: “Russian Roulette Drops” - A 12cm long tube, dense plastic, text in Cyrillic, but with English spelling, produced by “Red Star”. Tube has two small pressure pads positioned to either side of one end, with a small, sealed hole on the same end, outer wrapping depicts a realistic gun barrel under the text. Description on the package indicates item is candy, and intended to be shared among “one's most brave or foolish friends”. Instructions are to bite down on the pressure pads, which will cause a candy to be dispensed into the mouth.

Assembled researchers, by mutual consent, began testing. Biting on the plates causes a small, white pellet to be dispensed into the mouth, tasting “like a sugar cube”. The outer shell dissolves within five seconds, releasing the inner filling. It appears eight pellets are contained in the tube, and it is constructed in such a way as to discourage casual tampering. Noted flavors include chocolate frosting, blueberry, and orange cola.

It appears that, with each tube, one pellet is designated the “kill shot”, as described on the package. This pellet dissolves to release a liquid filling that is 85% pure capsaicin, the remainder being a dense form of syrup which causes great difficulty in immediately neutralizing the substance. Dr. Henjik received the “kill shot”, and was remanded to medical for breathing issues and possible allergic reaction. Full recovery was declared after four hours, no additional anomalous properties noted.

Notes – Dr. Henjik is a great big baby.

Money Entered: 500 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: “Cute Girl's Tears” - Glass soda bottle, blue tint to the glass, a beveled texture along the main body, text in English and Japanese, no identifiable manufacturer. Item's label depicts a young girl, drawn in the anime style, with blue hair and blue eyes. She appears to be in distress or discomfort, and is crying vigorously. Character matches no current or discontinued entertainment form, nor has the art style matched with any known artist. Item appears to be part of a set, with the label encouraging to try “Cute Boy's Tears” and “Sister's Tears”; however, no items matching this description have been noted.

Bottle has a standard twist-off metal cap, and appears to have been made in Japan for the US market. Liquid is mostly clear with a slightly blue tint. Liquid is uncarbonated and very sweet, also including a vague berry flavor (which could not be determined) and a slight taste of salt. Researchers described it as somewhat similar to a sports drink, and testing indicated a similar composition to several commercially available sports drinks, with a marked higher content of sugar and sodium. Texture is slightly syrupy, and will leave a sticky residue on surfaces.

No additional anomalous properties noted; however, it has been observed that those who reported the highest enjoyment of the item also scored the highest on the TSR-88 Cruelty Index during annual testing. Investigation in to possible relationship is ongoing.

Notes – I don't give a damn what they say I scored, that stuff was delicious and worth it for the bottle alone. Isn't there some kind of personalized soda service somewhere? I'm ordering this.

Addendum – request was denied.


Money Entered: 100 yen, severely scratched and disfigured
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A gaseous cloud that, when interacted with, acted as a semi-solid material. Upon inhaling, subject complained of chest pains and severe dyspnea, eventually resulting in death. Autopsy of the subject revealed several sheets of platinum within the subjects torso. These sheets were aranged in an acute mathematical pattern, and fatally intersected with the subject's heart and lungs. A manufacturer's mark near the center of the pattern indicates that it was produced by "Yumjoy Co.", with a laser-cut date of 10/14/1987.


Money Entered: 600 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item Description: "Cow Beans" Jelly beans in the bag were similar texture and color to SCP-843. Class D that consumed the jelly beans clutched his stomach in pain and passed out. After regaining consciousness, subject appeared normal; however, autopsy showed that the subject had grown three more stomachs.

Money Entered: 1500 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item Description: "Ice Cream Flashlight" Object was a flashlight in the shape of an ice cream cone. Testing shown that anything illuminated with the light would slowly convert to ice cream, with the flavor of ice cream depending on the material used.

Notes – I think the ice cream flashlight could be pretty useful. I mean, I know it's just sugar, but can't you live off ice cream in an emergency?


Money Entered: 750 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Prototype 3" - A cardboard box, labeling handwritten in balck marker. Contents consisted of a small black cube, similar in size to a portable television, and a second cardboard box containing 47 unmarked storage disks resembling Zip drives. Disks were unmarked, save for hand-drawn images of various fruits and vegetables. Examination of the black cube revealed a large slot near its base, alongside two buttons, red and white in color. The top of the cube is covered by a thick glass lens. Inserting one of the disks will cause the cube to display a holographic image of the food depicted on the disk. Subjects were able to "consume" the images by miming consumption of the foods, which would cause the image to display the relevant sections of the food as consumed. Following the complete consumption of the food, subjects reportedly felt well-fed, and did not require additional food for the following eight hours.


Money entered: 1200 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Three-pack of "Portable Communion", packaging in Latin, place of manufacture listed as London, England. Dispensed item resembled a pre-packaged Communion wine with wafer sold by [REDACTED]. Package was unable to be opened, even with extreme amounts of force, outside of a place of worship (in this case, the Site's non-denominational chapel). The wafer was found to be made of plain cracker, and the 'wine' present was similar to grape Kool-Aid.

Money entered: 500 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Astro-Dinner!", packaging in American English, Branded by NASA and allegedly manufactured at Cape Canaveral, Florida and NASA Glenn Research Center, Ohio. Contents resembled a TV Dinner tray with several dehydrated foods, including steak, peaches, chocolate pudding, and a packet of juice, along with a hot water gun to re-hydrate the foods. Edible, if not particularly appetizing; testing shows that the food is identical to food prepared for the Apollo missions.

Money Entered: 250 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item Description: A packet of baseball trading cards with gum; trading cards depict individuals playing on teams known from SCP-2206, as well as a Japanese team, the "Yokohama DeNa Joestars". Notably, mention is made on the card of player Francisco Lindor, a pitcher for the Cleveland Exiles, as being key in defeating the Chicago Orphans for the 2016 World Series title. Gum was cherry-flavored.
In what perverse universe does a team from Cleveland beat a Chicago team, let alone win a World Series?! — Dr. Mattings.


Money entered: 60 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Unknown - Aluminium bag with writing that seems to be an Japanese. The bag was full of rice tablets that, when consumed, made the subject fluent in an unknown language called "Chingsans" for twelve to twenty-four hours. The taste was of rice and noodles.


Money Entered: 400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Milka-brand chocolate bar, 'Bean Paste' flavor. Outer coating is typical of Milka-brand milk chocolate. Filling consists of primarily red bean paste, mixed with food additives E121, E227, E422 and E425. Packaging is in German, and includes a promotional message on the interior of the package. Message consists of a hexadecimal code for the color purple, and claims that any package that contains the hexadecimal code for the purple used on Milka chocolate packaging can be redeemed for a cash prize. The Mondelēz company does not produce this flavor of chocolate, nor are they aware of the described promotion.

Money Entered: 150 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Fruit Luips [sic]" - A cardboard cereal box. Packaging identical to those produced for the Froot Loops breakfast cereal, although the cereal's mascot is notably absent. Contents consisted of a sealed bag of cereal, a plastic spoon and a bottle of artificially-sweetened milk. Cereal content was identical to non-anomalous Froot Loops, with small portions of candied fruits present throughout the bag. Notably, none of the cereal pieces formed a complete ring.

Money Entered: 350 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A small cloth bag containing twenty fruits similar to tangerines. Bag was labelled in an unknown Cyrillic script, alongside the cartoon depiction of a monkey. Fruits were much smaller than typical tangerines, with none exceeding a diameter of three centimeters. Four fruits were consumed, and were reportedly much sweeter than expected. Further inspection found the meat of the fruit was composed of mainly orange gelatin. Fruit skin was also found to be edible, and possessed similar qualities. Genetic testing has revealed a significant genetic divergence from any known citruis fruit. In addition, small puncture marks found in the skin of each fruit show consistent depth and placement, suggesting them to have been made mechanically.

Money entered: 400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: Party stick: Red Flavor - Packaging consists of an asbestos box decorated with festive colours and pictures of balloons. Blurb underneath the logo reads 'Foodz of the Future'. Opening the box revealed a single stick of what appears to be dynamite.
Addendum: Chemical analysis has confirmed that the stick is, in fact, regular dynamite. The stick was successfully transported to a blast chamber, where it was lit. No anomalous effects occurred upon detonation, nor were any additional effects noted upon inspection of the chamber hereafter.

Money Entered: 400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Object dispensed by SCP-261 was identical in appearance to the head of SCP-106. Secuirty guard Phillips reflexively fired three shots at the object, destroying it completely. Researcher Tanhowser suffered cardiogenic shock upon the appearance of the object, but is expected to make a complete recovery. Later chemical analysis discovered the presence of human skin, straw and cherry syrup in the remains of the object.


Money Entered: 300 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Originally powered; power failure occurred as item was being dispensed, due to maintenance personnel shorting a circuit.
Item Description: A "Kinder Matryoshka", large chocolate candy resembling a Kinder Surprise Egg, text in Cyrllic. When opened, another egg of similar size was inside, composed of grape-flavored rock candy. Within this egg was another made out of solid caramel; overall, more than sixty layers were observed before the center was reached, with composition varying from toffee to peanut butter to a substance chemical analysis identified as chocolate paste mixed with saffron. Center layer was inedible, and instead contained a pink plastic case with a large sapphire within; testing showed the sapphire to be both artificial and inedible.

Money Entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: In an attempt to replicate the conditions above, SCP-261 was powered, but powered off as the item was being dispensed.
Item description: "Vac/uum" - Dark tinted glass bottle, with labeling in white English text. Manufacturing information claims it to have been produced by the Dr. Pepper-Snapple Group as an alcoholic variant of Royal Crown Cola. Ingredients identical to non-anomalous Royal Crown, although all were listed at half of their normal amounts. Once opened, it was found that half of the bottle was filled with an imperceptible liquid, alongside the cola. Liquid was consumed without issue, although subject did complain of the cola having a distinct lack of CO2. Subject showed signs of mild intoxication throughout the following day.

Money Entered: 300 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered, but powered on when item was being dispensed.
Item Description: A pair of live raccoons, one male and one female. Biopsy showed no abnormalities in physiology. Inspection of SCP-261 found a small pamphlet with text in Spanish instructing how to care for the raccoons, with no indication that they were meant to be eaten.

Money Entered: 300 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered, but powered on when item was being dispensed.
Item Description: Thirteen twigs from a yew tree, with a purple wrapper depicting fairies bundling them together, text in an unknown language. Pictographic instructions indicated that twigs should be ignited before consumption, and consumed while burning. Doing so resulted in the wood burning purple, giving off a smell similar to artificial grape flavoring. Attempting to eat resulted in second-degree burns to the mouth of D-Class personnel. Remaining samples in storage.


Note from research team: To control for possible sources of anomalous behavior, a single newly-minted 100-yen coin was used for each of the following tests.

Money Entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "OK Soda" - 355 ml can of "citrus/spice" flavored soft drink formerly produced by the Coca-Cola Corporation. Packaging is minimalist, with the logo consisting solely of the letters "OK" with smaller text reading "things are going to be" above it. Although Coca-cola discontinued OK Soda due to poor sales in 1995, the received can was apparently produced in 2017. Contents were non-anomalous.
At least we can tell why they stopped selling this stuff. Tastes like I drank television static. - Researcher Van Nostrand

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Bamba - 50 g bag of peanut-flavored puffed corn snack, as produced by Osem Food Industries of Tel Aviv, Israel. Packaging is in Yiddish transliterated into Cyrillic characters and gives an address for Osem in the "Free City of Jaffa." A revenue stamp is affixed, containing Russian text "Import Duty - 5 Rubles - PAID" and a portrait of Tsar Nicholas IV. Upon inspection, bag only contained 44 grams of product. Contents not otherwise anomalous.

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Approximately 500 ml clear plastic bottle containing a bright blue liquid. Label was untranslated (possibly in Japanese) and had a drawing of a penguin-like creature (since identified as "██████", the mascot of ██████ ████ Software). Liquid was not carbonated and gave off odors of saltpeter and raw fish. Before taste testing could commence, a subject accidentally knocked the bottle off its counter. Bottle exploded upon contact with ground, causing minor injuries to subject.
I think we're done for today. - Researcher Zembrovski


Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Madam Jesute's Blueberry Cigarettes" - A standard cigarette package decorated with a blue trim and gold lettering. Subtext claims it to have been produced by "Yang-Marlboro", although no company of this name is known to exist. Package contained twenty-one blue tinged cigarettes and a small retractable cigarette holder, resembling ones popular during the early 20th century. When smoked, subjects reported a pleasant blueberry taste alongside the tobacco. Smoke emitted from the cigarette held a similar blue hue, although smelt no different from standard tobacco smoke.


Money entered: 73 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A small plastic bag filled with water. Water contained several hundred unusually large Atlantic Krill (Euphausia superba). Bag possessed no identifiable label, with only a six-by-eight rectangular pattern of polygons found on the bag. Squeezing one of these krill resulted in the expulsion of a golden substance from it's mouth, resulting it the instance's death. Substance was consumed without issue and confirmed to be honey. Remaining instances collected for testing.


Money entered: 150 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Unknown. Item that was dispensed carried a minor antimemetic effect that caused subjects to be unable to perceive it. Subjects under Grade Y amnestics describe the taste as "colorless".


Money entered: 400 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: "Bostonian Molasses Soda", text in English, albeit with British spelling and linguistic conventions. Molasses-flavored carbonated "drink" with a very high viscosity, in a glass container. The top half of the container screws off, and instructions on the bottle indicate it is to be consumed using a spoon or fork. Testing on item suspended after D-Class reported difficulty swallowing item.

Money Entered: 400 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item Description: Large plastic bag branded "Stranglefruit Thesaurus", text in English, resembling linguistic patterns observed in SCP-2337. Contents were non-anomalous, albeit high-quality, gummy worm candies. SCP-2337 was presented with the contents of this bag, and expressed gratitude.
Note: At least, we think it was gratitude. I'm not entirely sure what "Stranglefruit heal meat nomen, cack" means.


Money entered: 300 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Lars" brand potato chips, vinegar and salt flavored. Packaging in English. Bag similar to Lays brand packaging. Bag contained a mixture of cut raw, under cooked, and over cooked potato slices, floating in a bath of vinegar. D-76037 attempted to consume slices, but could not due to the strong odor of vinegar coming from the bag.


Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Mr. Leaven's Yeast, Nacho Cheese Flavored" - A yellow aluminum bag containing what appeared to be active dry yeast. Packaging was written in American English with a southern dialect. On consumption, subject likened the taste to Doritos tortilla chips, specifically the nacho cheese variant. Several hours later, subject complained of abdominal pains and mild drunkenness, likely due to the consumption of pure yeast. Subject recovered without issue.


Money entered: 500 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: "Fractal Flakes": a small box of cereal, packaging in American English. Resembles other "corn flake" based cereal products, albeit with each flake having an intricate fractal pattern engraved on it, a small note was included warning to only eat one at a time. After consumption, subject reported feeling uncomfortably full. Feeling remained for next 8 hours. After testing with placing a flake in a jar of water, the flake exponentially grew in size to the approximate capacity of the human stomach. Fractal pattern observed to fade as flake grew.


Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "¡Revolution! Energy drink" - Glass bottle of orange liquid, labeling in modern Spanish. Drink was heavily carbonated and tasted of citrus. Following consumption, the subject climbed atop a nearby table and began aggressively shouting anarchist slogans, before engaging in a physical struggle with a guard. Subject incapacitated and returned to their cell, where they awoke without memory of the event. Notably, instructions adhered to the rear of the bottle detail how to transform it into a molotov cocktail.


Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "Barrett Cola" - Opaque glass soda bottle. Product name was laser-engraved onto the bottle itself. Opening the bottle resulted in a .50 BMG round to fire from the interior, with the force expected of a standard BMG machine gun. Initial opening resulted in the immediate termination of the subject. Bottle stored for further testing


Money entered: 100 yen
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Item description: A glass orb with a removal rubber stopper. Embossed on the exterior of the orb was the shape of a cog. Contained within the orb was approximately 500 mL of a clear gelatanous substance. Subject consumed the substance with some issue, claiming it to taste of rusty metal. Following complete consumption, a gear manifested within the subject's right hand, with a small note encouraging the subject to "Collect all of the parts to build your very own replica of the Mysterious Clockworks!". Note contained a small image of a large machine, recognized as a portion of SCP-914.


Money entered: Three cigarettes compressed flat from Osaka Correctional Precinct, Japan. Notably used by the inmates as currency.
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Item description: A small piece of caramel, packaged in a tightly wrapped napkin. Napkin matched those used by the Osaka Correctional Precinct. Within the caramel were two paperclips, bent to form a rake pick and torsion tool.


Money entered: 200 yen, taken from the collection plate of a Shinto temple in Tokyo.
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Item Description: None dispensed. Money was returned in the coin return slot.

Money entered: As previous.
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Item Description: None dispensed. Money returned in the coin return slot. Attempting to retrieve the money resulted in Dr. Williams receiving second-degree burns in their right index finger and thumb. Agent MacElroy, who originally retrieved the money, was the only individual able to handle the coins unharmed. The 200 yen, along with a check for ¥‎10,000,000, has since been returned to the temple, upon which it lost all anomalous properties.


Money entered: A yen coin modified to bear a QR code used to redeem 20 Bitcoin
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Item description: "Pie in the Sky" - A singular slice of Chocolate Oreo Cream Pie, served within a tin container. Packaging in English. Upon opening the container, the slice slowly floated upwards, resting several centimeters from the chamber ceiling. The slice was eventually retrieved by a length of fishing wire, which was used to restrain the slice for consumption. Confection proved edible, although reportedly tasted low in sugars and other caloric content.


Money entered: 1,000 yen
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Item Description: A cage containing one (1) domestic rabbit and a bag containing assorted instruments of torture were dispensed, along with with a note written in Swedish encouraging the consumer to use the tools to eat the rabbit alive. After initial reluctance, the subject used one of the tools to make an incision across the rabbit's stomach, whereupon a clear, red, and sticky liquid started to ooze out of the wound. Subject tasted it and reported that it tasted like strawberry jelly. The vivisection continued and it was discovered that all the internal organs were made out of milk chocolate, the bones were made out of hardened sugar, and the muscles out of gelatin snack similar in texture to gummy worms. The subject noted that nothing seemed to be unusual about the taste of any of these things. The rabbit appeared to be in great distress throughout the entire procedure.


Money Entered: 500 yen
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Item Description: "Cadbury Ouroboros", a several meter-long chocolate bar. The item was pulled out of SCP-261 over the course of three hours, and was found to be anomalously flexible for a bar of solid chocolate. Packaging states that the total length was over three kilometers. Upon full removal, inspection found that the bar was made up of over ten-thousand individual chocolate squares, which had a variety of fillings including solid chocolate, caramel, dark chocolate, puffed rice, and the filling used for Cadbury Creme eggs. All fillings correspond to items manufactured by Cadbury.

Research is undergoing into the viability of reproducing and marketing the flexible chocolate that makes up this item.


Money Entered: 500 yen
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Item Description: "Potato Quips", manufactured by the "Frito-Utz" company. Bag contained twenty-one potato chips; consumption of a single chip resulted in the D-Class personnel becoming more talkative and sarcastic. The D-Class showed minor precognitive capabilities, as they appeared to have the capability to create a retort to any statement as it was being spoken.

Money entered: 200 yen
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Item description: A 354 mL bottle of "Mountain Dew - Dorito Blaze". Contents were an orange liquid with a strong spicy and cheesy taste; stated to be "completely unappetizing" and triggered the gag reflex in all who attempted to taste in. A promotion for the non-existent company "Sweeny-Wilson Games" was found on the bottle, wherein one could obtain promotional items if a code on the underside of the bottle's cap was entered at an advertised web address.


Money entered: A novelty circular chocolate with a wrapper depicting a 100 yen coin.
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Item description: An aluminum bar in the shape of a Hershey's brand milk chocolate bar. Despite being chemically identical to aluminum, metal was said to taste like milk chocolate when licked.


Money entered: 10 yen
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Item Description: One sheet of 'Poultry Postage' stamps. All stamps bore the image of an avian species from the order order Galliformes. Researcher reported the flavor of the stamps when licked to taste "foul." Expiration date printed on back of sheet was 3/19/1973.
Notes: I think these were supposed to have different flavors depending on the bird, but it all tasted like chicken to me.

Money entered: 500 yen
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Item Description: One package of "Quizzlers." Candies appeared similar to the brand Twizzlers produced by the Hershey company, except green. Flavor reported to be "this Australian cultivar, named after Maria Ann Smith." All subjects who consumed any such candies were only able to speak in similar trivia questions for an hour after consumption, exhibiting trivia knowledge unlikely to have been known by the subject. All anomalous knowledge faded alongside the effect, with no lasting aftereffects.

Money entered: 650 yen
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Item description: One bow and quiver of arrows, removed from machine with some difficulty. Quiver embossed with an image depicting the legend of William Tell, with labeling in German, French, Italian, and Romansh. Testing moved to on-site weaponry range, with D-91807 serving as the "target" and Doctor Chapati, an archery hobbyist, firing. First arrow successfully embedded above target's head, at which point an apple spontaneously manifested where the arrow had lodged. Second show went astray and embedded itself in the target's left bicep. No anomalous effects reported. Object sent to anomalous weaponry storage, and testing adjourned for the day.


Money entered: 77 yen
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Item description: One "UnChristables" brand sealed crustless sandwich, similar in appearance to Uncrustables brand sandwiches. The shape of a cross was observed depressed into the bread. Packaging displayed a depiction of the Christian deity Jesus in the form of a cartoon mascot. Product made of wheat flour and water, containing a filling of wine-flavored jelly.

Money entered: 77 yen
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Item description: One bag of "Jeez-It" brand communion wafers, displaying a mascot identical to that of the previous test. Packaging similar in appareance to that of Cheez-It brand cheese crackers. Subject described the snacks as "bland but filling", despite each wafer only containing 0.5 calories.


Money entered: 1 yen
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Item description: "get done the hard stuff for munchies [sic]" - Small pink cellophane bag. Labeling in broken American English, and identical to the speech patterns observed in SCP-4966. Bag contained 50 biscuits, described by most who observed them as appearing poor quality. Despite this, biscuits proved effective motivation as a reward for completeing tasks, with subjects preforming tasks they had previously shown aversion to in exchange for a biscuit. Remaining 46 biscuits sent to the Foundation Memetics Department for further examination.

Money entered: 1 yen, with a note that said, in English, '499 yen coming soon'.
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Item Description: 1/500th of an ordinary Cadbury's packaged chocolate bar, with 'other 499 pieces of chocolate being manufactured' written on package.


Money entered: 291 yen
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Item description: A pack of sugar paper notes of various colors. Label read "Sugar Paper Pleasures! Over 4000 Flavors! Taste Them All!". Each note had a singular word or phrase written on it, which would correspond to the flavor of the note when consumed. These ranged from average flavors such as citrus and almond, to more conceptual and onscure flavors such as burning plastic, the Sombrero Galaxy, and dyslexia.


Money entered: -5 yen (Made specially by the Japanese government for this experiment.)
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Item description: One copy of the book "The Phantom Tollbooth." All pages mentioning "subtraction soup" are folded in the corner, and cannot be unfolded due to a low-level cognitohazard.

Money entered: -100 yen (Twenty of the previosly mentioned -5 yen coins)
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Item description: A pyramid-shaped chocolate wrapped in tinfoil. No labaling present, although several ankhs were observed carved into the chocolate. Upon consumption, subject collapsed and seemingly deflated. Inspection of the corpse revealed that all of the subject's internal organs, musculature, and skeletal system had been removed.


Money entered: 1,000 yen
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Item description: A papier-mâché piñata, shaped similarly to a deceased equine, alongside a wooden baseball bat. Object is believed to have possessed cognitohazardous properties, influencing nearby researchers to temporarily suspend further testing for a celebration. Celebration was attended by all personnel assigned to SCP-261, with all claiming the piñata to have been "SCP-261's 1,000th dispensed item". Celebrated concluded with the destruction of the piñata via the provided baseball bat, upon which the object lost all cognitohazardous properties.


Money entered: 320 yen
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Item description: A small plastic tub of "I Can't Believe It's Butter!". Packaging identical to the popular butter substitute "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!", wit the exception of the title. Chemical testing of the tub's contents showed that it was identical to butter. Upon consumption, subject was adamant that the product was not butter, despite being provided evidence to the contrary.


Money Entered: 500 Yen, taken from a wallet dropped by a civilian in Nagasaki, Japan
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Item description: A Hershey's chocolate bar, text in Japanese. Wrapper proved to be completely resistant to tearing, and had to be unwrapped fully. The inside of the wrapper contained a warrant for Agent MacElroy, in Japanese, for several counts of theft; this corresponds with an extant warrant for Agent MacElroy that was not present prior to the dispensation of this item. Chemical analysis of chocolate showed it to contain a paralytic capable of severely impairing movement, but the amount contained in the bar was below the fatal dosage.


Money Entered: 100 Yen
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Item Description: "Bismuth Bites", packaging in Korean. A bag of colored gelatin 'candies', identical in composition to commercially-available bismuth subsalicylate stomach medications, but not advertised as such. Candies are non-anomalous and theoretically reproducible.
This is so much better than chugging half a bottle of Pepto every time my GERD acts up, and they don't have the sticky, smily texture like the tablets. I'm going to make sure these get mass-produced if it's the last thing I do. — Dr. Freeman


Money entered: 5,000 yen, alongside Foundation medical documents for Dr. Cynthia Taftan, who was suffering from kidney cancer. Due to existing complications, the canerous kidney was deemed unable to be surgically extracted.
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Item description: A plastic package with the image of a human liver on it's front. The text "Special De-Livery" and, "Flavor: Cynthia Taftan" written in English surrounded the picture. Upon dispensing the package, Dr. Taftan fell to the ground complaining of severe abdominal pains. It was found that her cancerous kidney had been anomalously removed from her body, and that her other kidney had been restored to it's previous healthy state. Dr. Taftan is expected to make a full recovery, and has been placed on temporary medical leave. Further attempts to enact a similar response from SCP-261 regarding other Foundation personnel have resulted in failure.


Money Entered: 500 yen. Due to a production error, all graphics on the coin were mirrored.
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Item Description: One chocolate bar with no wrapper, with graphics engraved in the chocolate that appeared similar to that of a Mars Inc. 'Mars' chocolate bar wrapper. At either end, the chocolate bar tapered with a spiked edge. Inside the bar was a cavity containing a solid block of black plastic coated in caramel and nougat.


Money entered: 550 yen
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Item description: "Whistle Wetter" - A 500 mL soda bottle containing a red liquid. Subject initially drank a quarter of the bottle, remarking it to taste strongly of artificially cherry flavoring. As the remaining liquid was consumed, subject began unintentionally whistling while they spoke, eventually becoming nearly incomprehensible over the shrill noise. Subject proceeded to display an extreme proficiency in whistling, despite lacking the ability to whistle prior to the experiment. This effect has since remained, with the subject becoming increasingly aggravated at their inability to speak without whistling.


Money entered: 200 yen
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Item description: A 355 mL can of "Coca-Cola Classic", packaging corresponded to typical bilingual Canadian packaging circa 1991. Contents of the can were found to be a brown viscous liquid, chemically identical to previous recipes of Coca-Cola soft drink. Upon consumption, subject began to display excess energy and euphoria, attempting to access the interior of SCP-261 through the vend slot in an attempt to retrieve more of the substance. Subject restrained by security personnel and returned to their cell.


Money entered: 200 yen, with "What are you?" written on it in kanji
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Item description: 355 mL aluminum can of "Not Gonna Say", with an expiration date of August 12, 2027. Contained a translucent odorless liquid. Subject consumed the liquid, upon which they began responding to all questions posed towards them with "not gonna say". Subject returned to their cell, with further testing scheduled for August 13th, 2027.

Money entered: 200 yen, with "Surprise Me" written on it in kanji
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Item description: A small red box, decorated with orange symbols. The exact contents and appearance of this box are unknown, as upon dispensing it, SCP-261 was launched upwards at an estimated 190 km/h, destroying nearby obstructions and causing the machine to fly an estimated 15 km south of its location in the Site-19 break room, where it was recovered undamaged. Further testing was suspended until repairs to Site-19's ceiling could be completed, and personnel who conducted the test were reprimanded for their actions.


Money entered: 400 yen
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Item description: A 4-pack of toilet paper, with packaging written in a bizzare combination of French and Japanese. Translation indicated that the paper was edible, although further details were unable to be ascertained. Chemical testing discovered trace amounts of cocoa powder and maple syrup within the paper. Subject claimed it to taste extremely high quality, and proceeded to consume an entire roll of the paper. Subject later reported that they did not require the use of toilet paper when they evacuated themselves for the following five days. Remaining rolls confiscated for analysis.


Money entered: 200 yen
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Item description: A tube of Pringles, original flavor. Tube was measured to be 90 cm tall, and constructed in such a way that I could be compressed down 30 cm, the size of a standard Pringles container. Chips were unharmed by this compression, and were non-anomalous. Initial retrieval resulted in the tube suddenly extending in the subject's hands, resulting in a minor contusion.

Money entered: 100 yen
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Item description: Machine dispensed a single-serve package of Kraft Mac-and-Cheese. Subtext below the label claimed it to be peppermint flavored. Subject was able to confirm this, although they were unable to consume the mixture, commenting that it was "absolutely and utterly disgusting".

Money entered: 261 yen
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Item description: SCP-261 was idle for several seconds before producing a 57 cm replica of itself, constructed of milk chocolate. Interacting with this smaller machine resulted in it dispensing a 19 cm replica of SCP-261, similar in appearance to the first replica. This process was repeated ad nauseum until the fifth replica produced a singular green skittle. All replicas were consumed without issue.


Money entered: 450 yen
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Item description: "CAN OF WHOOPASS" - Bright yellow aluminum can, packaging in American English. Labeling written in bright red, bold lettering. Can was similar in design to those produced in the early 1960's, including a "pull-tab" opening mechanism. Can contained 200 mL of red-tinted carbonated liquid. Shortly after consumption, subject complained of a severe pain in their dorsal pelvis. Examination found severe bruising on their gluteus maximus, as well as a fractured coccyx.

Money entered: 450 yen
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Item description: "CHERRY BOMB" - A black aluminum soda can, similar in design and packaging to the previous test. Labeling depicted an explosion made up of wild cherries and red smoke. Subject reported the can's contents to taste of "strong cherry". Shortly after consumption, the subject's head violently exploded with the force equatable to a stick of dynamite. The explosion resulted in four minor injuries among observing staff members, and viscera to be sprayed across the surrounding twenty meters. SCP-261 remained unharmed, but became heavily coated in viscera. Testing concluded for the day; resulting clean-up took six hours.


Money entered: 108 yen
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Item description: "Nirvana3" - Small white box with a removable lid. Unmarked, save for the product's name on the lid in small black font. Once opened, subject became obscured by an bright light that began eminating from the box. After four seconds the light ceased, revealing the subject to have vanished and the box to have closed. Further attempts to produce this effect have failed. Box was found to contain several brown crumbs, identified as cookie batter.


Money entered: 451 yen
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Item description: A bird resembling a small hawk with red and orange wings emerged from the vend slot. Bird proved aggressive and attacked nearby persons before being terminated by secuirty personnel, upon which the corpse combusted and became severely blackened. Subject instructed to consume the bird's remains commented that it tasted similarly to burnt turkey. Thirty minutes after consumption, subject's body temperature rapidly rose and developed symptoms of high fever before falling unconscious once reaching 65°C. Vital signs ceased shortly afterwards. As the subject's body was being disposed of, subject suddenly regained consciousness, claiming that they had dreamt of "falling from a very high height into a volcano" prior to reanimation.

Money entered: 225 yen
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Item description: An orange crank lamp. When cranked for an excess of thirty seconds, all individuals within the light's radius felt hungry, while the individual operating the crank felt increasingly sated. Physical examination showed no actual changes in weight or stomach contents, suggesting the effects to be purely psychological. Object possessed mild compulsive properties, resulting in a minor struggle between testing subjects over use of the object.

Money entered: 393 yen
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Item description: "Kitty-Cat Commerce Candy" - Large bulk candy bag, labeling in Japanese. Bag features a variety of cartoon anthropomorphized cats with varying professions and hobbies as depicted by their attire. Candies contained within the bag would correspond with one of the professions occupied by the characters. Consuming a variable amount of these candies would make the subject increasingly proficient in the profession associated with their candy, although the amount of candy necessary for this proficiency to be notable far exceeded the contents of the bag.


Money entered: 200 yen
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Item description: "Arseno-Mallows!" - A small bag containing eight yellow marshmallow candies. Each of these candies was shaped similarly to various animals, all of which were pachyderms. When consumed, subjects would fall unconscious and begin to show evidence of arsenic poisoning, although these effects would dissipate upon subjects awakening. Notably, all subjects who have consumed these confections have woken up exactly two days following their initial consumption, universally describing their experience as "Disneyland but with arsenic".


Money entered: 200 yen, with a note reading "Nothing bad, please" in kanji
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Item description: "Medio-crispies" - A white bag of what appeared to be plain white crackers. Label was written in plain black lettering. Ingredients list and manufacturing marks were both absent. Subjects who consumed produced crackers were unable to describe anything other than "okay", "alright", and other similar descriptors. Effect lasted approximately four hours; no other persistent effects noted.


Money entered: 500 yen
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Item description: Mound of small grey spheres vacuum-sealed in cellophane. Instructions written in an unknown script similar ot cuneiform, with a small panel on the reverse side depicting an anthropomorphic sphere dropping a second sphere into a bowl of fruits. Following these instructions, one of the spheres was placed in a small bowl of grapes, upon which the sphere emitted an immense amount of heat. Nearby researchers retreated from the bowl, observing three additional pulses of heat before the heat ceased. The bowl was found to now contain an amount of smoothie identical to the previous content's volume. Chemical analysis discovered the presence of grape extract, a sizable amount of iron, and an unknown eukaryotic organism. Sample taken, remaining spheres removed for further testing.


Money entered: 400 yen
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Item description: "Cloudy-Puffs" - A pair of two mini-cakes, one covered in a vanilla frosting and the other covered in a dark chocolate frosting. Vanilla cake hosts a cartoon yellow sweet embedded into it's top resembling a cartoon sun. Labeling in French and bubbly rounded font. Upon consuming the dark snack cake, subject began to openly weep for no discernible reason. Subject then immediately consumed the second snack cake, ceasing weeping and showing signs of elation and immense joy. This elation lasted several seconds before the subject returned to a neutral state of emotion. Subject was unable to place the reason for their emotional outbursts when questioned.


Money entered: 100 yen
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Item Description: An citrus fruit resembling a grapefruit, although exact species was undetermined. Fruit was in the shape of a t-bone steak, and possessed a large bone-like stem where one would normally find a lumbar vertebrae. Flavor was described as unusually meaty and tough, with its flavor being comparable to a honeydew melon.


Money entered: 350 yen
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Item description: A white box with red stripes, produced by the Coca-Cola company. The phrase "Feel the Flavor" is present on the box's exterior. Within the box is a small haptic feedback strip connected to a battery pack and a small screen. When placed on a subject's tongue, the screen began to display various flavors of Coca-Cola soft drink which the subject claimed to be able to taste. These included several currently nonexistent flavors of the drink, such as sassafras, copper, and "mystery."

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