I feel the reason why he became stuck is not based on any sort of established internal logic, as far as I can tell. When it comes to storytelling, it does not feel rewarding as a reader/viewer to have the established rules of the story broken when there is not a reason given for it. In this case, the rolling back the paper undoing the deterioration of the bathroom. It works once and then it doesn't work the second time. Why is this?
I understand the implication here is supposed to be creepy. And I'm not saying the reason has to be spelled out exactly but there's not really even a hint of a reason.
You then told me that the foundation is supposed to be a metaphor for peer pressure and. as you described to me, this is intended overall to be a metaphor for "routines, rituals, habits, and addictions." I truthfully believe this is weak in the framing of this story.
First of all, the Foundation "commanding" the D-Class to continue I do not believe is a very strong metaphor for Peer Pressure. Peer Pressure is a far more insidious thing that is generally much more subconscious to the victim. The common portrayal of it in fiction is, overall, pretty incorrect and more stereotypical than indicative of what people actually go through.
Second of all, I feel this whole thing would have worked far better as a metaphor if you had focused in on drug use, as you had mentioned at the start of our previous discussion. Drug Addiction is a scary as shit thing and if you had made this a strong parallel to it, I believe the entire thing would have been more impactful.
I believe a fairly simple thing to do would be making the use of the paper towel dispenser cause actual physical pleasure to the user. This could compel the user to keep using it past the point of when he really should stop doing so. And once he gets stuck and the room continues deteriorating into hell, the pulling of the paper becomes his only source of actual pleasure until the effects of it dull to the point of barely even working.
This, to me, would've made for a stronger metaphor for drug addiction.
Anyway, ultimately I am no-voting it because I actually think this is generally well written and I think the concept itself has merit and potential. I just think the execution could use some work.
