SCP Foundation

Reason for pruning: Changes on the atomic level (rubber to paper and the like).

Name: Researcher Martens
Date: 21/04/2019
Total Items: 2 store-bought whoopee cushions

Input: 1 store-bought whoopee cushion
Setting: Fine
Output: A 56-page book with the title ‘101 Stale Pranks To Embarrass Your Friends!’. All of the ‘pranks’ described in the book involve the use of unidentifiable items.

Input: 1 store-bought whoopee cushion
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An ordinary-looking vuvuzela. When it is blown, a farting noise measuring at over 250 decibels emanates from the vuvuzela.

Note: And I thought the noise from hundreds of normal ones during the World Cup was bad. - Researcher Reese Martens

Reason for pruning: Poor grammar. If the output is exactly what you'd expect from the input, or if 914 has just obligingly improved everything you put in, the entry is out-of-character.

Name: Jr. Researcher Redmar
Date: 23/04/2019
Total items: “Redmar’s flashdrive of memes”, a piece of paper that says “Are you sentient?” and Jr. Researcher Redmar’s Personnel file.

Input: Redmar’s flashdrive of memes
Setting: Fine
Output: A twenty terabyte flashdrive containing nothing but internet memes from the social media site Reddit.

thank you 914 for giving me 20 terabytes of memes! This is like Christmas for me! - Jr. Researcher Redmar

Input: “Are you sentient?” paper
Setting: 1:1
Output: a piece of paper that has the writing: “Maybe yes, maybe no. Who knows?”

Okay. Guess it won’t tell us.

Input: Jr. Researcher Redmar’s personnel file
Setting: Fine
Output: a copy of Redmar’s personnel file, but it has been altered, showing his life accomplishments instead of what is normally shown.

I’ll be sure to show this to The O5. And thank you once again 914!

Reason for pruning: I can get behind bad luck being an object because of the syringes, but a format screw is a bit too much on the side of meta.

Name: Researcher Festiv
Name: 24/04/2019
Name: 1 iron cube, 500ml vial of bad luck

Name: Im going to see exactly how 914 reacts to bad luck being used with the input, i have done one before and it just gave a worse quality item but i wonder if it can make other things happen. Like change which setting the output comes out on. A example would be iron nails, a 1:1 or Fine output from a iron cube on Very fine- Researcher Festiv

Name: 1 iron cube, 500ml of bad luck
Name: Very fine
Name: one format screw

Name: oh -Researcher Festiv.

Reason for pruning: 343 crosslink, if you're assuming that heaven is a thing, a ticket to haven would be a flat improvement.

Name: Dr. Matism
Date: 24/04/2019
Items: Dr. Matism and his wife's plane tickets to █████████

Note: I'm not expecting it to make first class tickets

Input: The tickets
Setting: Fine
Output: Two tickets to Heaven. When SCP-343 was questioned about these, he confirmed that these were authentic.

I'm selling these because I'm atheistic, should fetch a good price - Dr. Matism

Reason for pruning: Refining adds mass.

Name: Dr. Breole
Date: 25/04/2019
Total Items: One HexBug Nano, one sticky hand toy
Time to bring back my childhood! Bigger and better than ever. - Dr. Breole

Input: Above items
Setting: Fine
Output: One sticky hand filled with various electronic devices. Output was shown to be able to stick to surfaces with far greater strength than usual.

Note: Dr. Breole was sent to the medical bay due to blunt force trauma to the forehead when she attempted to remove the output from the testing chamber wall.

Damn it 914 this is not a HexBug that can climb walls. Can someone bring me another ice pack? - Dr. Breole

Reason for pruning: LOLFoundation

Name: Dr. Matism
Date: 25/04/2019
Items: One CD copy of Soulja Boy's Crank That

Input: The CD
Setting: Fine
Output: A CD, that when listened to, causes the listener to say you like Soulja Boy Does

YOOOOOUUUUU did good 914. YOOOOOUUUUU did good - Dr. Matism

Reason for pruning: Splatoon and dictionary

Name: Guest Researcher Bill
Date: 25/04/2019
Total items: Two copies of Nintendo's Splatoon 2, and one copy of Nintendo's Mario Kart 8 Deluxe and an English Dictionary.

Input: One copy of Splatoon 2, and an English Dictionary.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A book detailing the entirety of the language found within the Game. Compatible readers develop the ability to fluently speak this language within 72 hours.

Input: One copy of Splatoon 2.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One humanoid creature resembling a human, with tentacles where one would expect hair to be. Observed to glow in the dark. Genetic Makeup resembles the Firefly Squid. Appears to be capable of communication, albeit in a different language.

Can I keep her? - Guest Researcher Bill

Fine - Dr. ██████

Input: One copy of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One go-Kart

I can't say I didn't expect that. - Guest Researcher Bill

Reason for pruning: Like I said, I'm removing logs until the author learns how to format date properly. Also the final result is sort of predictable.

Name: Dr. Matism
Date: 25/04/19
Items: 3 copies of The Bible

Input: 1 Bible
Setting: Rough
Output: Shredded paper and book binding

Input: 1 Bible
Setting: 1:1
Output: The Bibble, every b in the book is doubled

Note: I fail to see how this is useful - Dr. Matism

Input: 1 Bible
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The Bible, but a memetic hazard causes anyone who reads it to become a Christian

Note: No, just no. Thank goodness I used a D-Class to investigate - Dr. Matism

Reason for pruning: I'm going to crack down harder on wackyness. Popculture references aren't improvements.

Name: Dr. Matism
Date: 26/04/2019
Items: One cardboard cutout of Michael Jackson

Input: The cutout
Setting: Very fine
Output: One animate and hostile cardboard cutout of an Ayuwoki. Object can be heard occasionally vocalizing Michael Jackson's trademark "Hee Hee"

Notice: Anomalous item incinerated. Dr. Matism placed in intensive care due to extreme lacerations

Note: How did that thing cause so much damage? It's made of cardboard for God's sake! Then again, when has that ever stopped 914 - Dr. Matism

Name: Dr. Thompson
Date: 26/04/2019
Total items: One Yoshi plush

Input: Above mentioned
Setting: Very fine
Output: One mario doll. Anyone in a 5 meter distance will dance and vocalize “Do the Mario!”. They will also sing the lyrics to the Do the Mario song that plays after every episode of The Super Mario Bros Super Show.

Note: Come on guys, don’t put this in the break room. I need a break after testing -Thompson