SCP Foundation

My entry for the Short Works Contest.

Long-winded as I am, this contest proved a bit challenging for me. However, I enjoyed the process in the end.

vacuums which manifest in the immediate vicinity (~5 meters) of SCP-2605 concurrent with the subject's hallucinations. SCP-2605-1 instances have an internal temperature of approximately 51 degrees Celsius

How does a vacuum have a temperature?

Anyways, I thought you were gonna go somewhere mind-screwy or creepy with both 2605 and the caretaker watching something moving rapidly on the other side of the room, and I really think you should have gone that direction. Normally I would no-vote under the assumption that this would get edited to be better, but seeing as how that doesn't happen in a timely fashion with contest entries, I'm going to downvote it instead.

As much as it reminds me of SCP-2240, it does manage to pull my heartstrings with the minimal dialogue. The visit by their daughter is particularly heartbreaking.

Pros:

• Although 2605-1 should be one person, why are there multiple instances of it around? There're potentially interesting implications to work with here.

Cons:

• As mentioned above, it's hard to swallow vacuum with temperature. And since that is not really vacuum in the end, it could be phrased as something else.

Verdict: Neutral vote

This feels like a Soulless skip, but without the charm or wit that makes me like them. I don't find any real reason to care for the lady and her hallucinations aren't all that unique or interesting to me.

I find this very beautiful and touching. Upvoted.

I agree with people above: the sentence re: 'vacuums' doesn't read right. OTOH:

I thought you were gonna go somewhere mind-screwy or creepy with both 2605 and the caretaker watching something moving rapidly on the other side of the room, and I really think you should have gone that direction. Normally I would no-vote under the assumption that this would get edited to be better, but seeing as how that doesn't happen in a timely fashion with contest entries, I'm going to downvote it instead.

Mmh, Scantron, isn't this rather drastic? I don't think Zolgamax should change anything except the vacuum thing. What you suggest here would a be a major change in story and tone. He is free to accept or decline, is he not?

A number of people have noted that vacuums shouldn't have an internal temperature. This was initially an intentional discrepancy that I thought made the anomaly a little stranger. However, upon reviewing the article, I can see that it isn't a sufficiently developed aspect of the object, and only serves to distract the reader from the rest of the article. As such, I've changed the term "vacuum" to something a bit more appropriate. Thanks for the feedback.

I feel the age of the subject is implied as old, but nothing else is implied, needs more filler info. Like where the SCP was picked up, and why. Also why is it listed as Euclid if nether the SCP herself and her manifestation are harmless?

I appreciate the attempt at making a character-driven piece, and I believe it avoids the the perils of being too manipulative and cloying. That said, I agree with some of the previous comments that there needs to be a little something more to the protagonist (and not necessarily length of narrative) in order to have the reader identify with her and make it really hit home.

Funny. It's apparently very difficult to strike the right balance between 'too much said' and 'not enough said'… Even truer with short works!
And it's also a very subjective matter. I (and others?) don't think you should add anything to your skip. Other people think you should. Believe it or not, we are all talking about the same skip! ;>