SCP Foundation

Image source: https://archive.defense.gov/News/NewsArticle.aspx?ID=120851 Department of Defense, public domain, modified by me

I have decided to no-votedownvote this piece for two reasons. The first is that certain sections of dialogue don't really line up with each other, examples will be provided below. The second reason is just a line that probably needs to be deleted.

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I personally liked this entry, even if I agree with Alces’ points about the dialogue. I especially found the twist pleasantly surprising :)

This is heavily reliant on its dialogue to make it work, and it doesn’t work. It’s wooden throughout, I think reading them aloud and tweaking as such is a good suggestion.

There are moments where it feels like it could turn and enrich what came before by virtue of taking that next step but that never manifests in the article itself. I agree with Alces’ crit and I might also greatly summarize the description since the article doesn’t really need much more than a paragraph’s worth of information to set up the interview logs.

Hmm… nah. There's just not enough in here to grab my attention, which is a shame because I feel there could have been. It's an army guy who you can't interact with (reminds me a lot of an X-Files episode), but there isn't enough done with it. For a start, him being military doesn't contribute to the story in any way, you could switch him out for anybody. Then, as people above have already mentioned, the article relies heavily on dialogue, but the dialogue is short, wooden and doesn't add much. The final interview is I guess supposed to add a mystery of if there's a second one, but honestly it's so short it doesn't register.

There's so much unexplored that could have been cool. How did this affect him before he was contained? Was it when he was still in the army? Can you be pushed by him without feeling him? Can you hear him when you shut your eyes? Surely his anomalous trait makes him quite dangerous (again, the X-Files episode)? Why do the Foundation deny him everything? How is being taken away from his life and locked in a bare windowless cell without human contact, except for a cold chat with someone who doesn't care about him once a day, doing for his mental health (he seems just comically irritated)?

So much different ways to go, none of them taken imo. -1