SCP Foundation

Nice. Pretty good stuff, the language was pretty biblical-sounding. The sole exception is Verse 8, which jumps out as incredibly weak to me, especially for the first two items of the list.

+1.

I'd say that this article was some really solid work, and I enjoyed the story and the message behind it. It was a little weak regarding tone and language, however.

One of the most enjoyable parts was how it combined narrative, structure, setting, and moral into one piece. It's a very clear lesson on the morals of warfare and the justification of violence, and it neatly calls out the hypocrisy utilized in those cases. It's a clear statement on how forgiveness may come from engaging in certain acts if they are justified and one doesn't gain pleasure from them. The true evil comes from the desire to engage in those actions. If someone has to do something they would normally consider evil for the greater good, then they shouldn't be searching for the opportunity to do those evil things. Many people may claim that their actions are justified, but the fact that they relish the opportunity to engage in them, as the soldier does here, is what makes them evil, regardless of whether or not they can claim justification. In the end, his desire for violence and bloodshed is what caused his fall from grace. It didn't matter that he did it in the name of his King, his atrocities and corruption had become ingrained within him.

I'd say my primary issue with this piece is its execution of biblical tone at times. I think you often mix up "biblical tone" and "flowery language," and while works of scripture are indeed very poetic and flowery, I feel that in some places this article doesn't quite execute the actual biblical tone, and substitutes it with generally descriptive language.

I haven't read much Horizon Initiative stuff, but this has actually piqued my interest regarding them, and I'd actually like to see more GoI formats from them in the future. Well done!

This nails the tone it's trying for, which makes for an immensely enjoyable read. Although the subject matter — another 076 backstory, as I take it — is a bit cliche, the tone was great enough to more than make up for it.

Echoing what stormbreath said, you really nailed the biblical tone here: combined with the simple but moralistic story presented here and the diction, this really feels like a kind of story you'd find in a gospel book. This made for a very nice introduction into the Horizon Initiative GoI format for me. Great job with this!

I have several issues with the tone here and do not believe the piece sufficiently captures "Biblical language", whatever that is. I'm also not particularly engaged by the morality presented here — that war is evil but necessary so don't enjoy it — nor by the narrative itself. The story's practically done as soon as the king warns him to wash off the blood, since everything else can be extrapolated from that.