SCP Foundation

Don't skip leg day, you're hindering our ascension into psionic superbeings.

The image is a plate from Gray's Anatomy, which is in the public domain. I got it from https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Gray432_color.png.

This was an absolutely amazing set of containment procedures, and I spent a while grinning at it like a madman before I got started. I hope the description was worthy of it.

Bonus Commentary (dead authors make exquisite corpses; the below is strictly paratextual)

Shame about the poor rating because I honestly think you have a fun idea here, this just needs some more polish. Here are some suggestions for if/when you rework this

1: You may want to make this slightly longer. I don't think it needs to be that much bigger but I do think there's a little room to expand.

2: Give us a bit more info on what SCP-5465 actually does and what the 'paraphysical capability' part means. You also may want to explain more on the gestalt part.

3: From my experience SCPs that try to introduce a new GOI in one go rarely work. You may want to remove the Zarathustra's Gym part and replace it with more info on SCP-5465. (I think in this case the big problem is that introducing Zarathustra's Gym introduces a new variable and plotline when the SCP is almost done).

4. To expand on that read through the story and cut out any extraneous details that don't add to the core narrative.

5. Make sure you check out the guides and get some feedback in IRC or the critique forum. I'm still noticing some SPAG (spelling and grammar) issues.

Anyway, good luck!

How can this be downvoted. _This is the kind of article that I really hoped that this content would produce: you were lucky enough to be handed intriguing containment procedures, and you elegantly stuck the landing.

And your technical writing is also excellent. I assume that the invented term "parakinesiology" basically means 'anomalous superpowers of athleticism."

If we didn't all skip leg day, we'd all be jumping over tall buildings in a single bound. And now I really want to hear that workout song.

The punchline here — that psionic power is derived from the quads and not the brain — is hilarious. Unfortunately, it's near impossible to actually figure out the punchline from the article itself. I read it three times trying to figure out what parakinesiological attunement is, and it wasn't until I read the comments and then reviewed the line about the specieswide gestalt again that I figured out the meaning.

The amount of downvotes was surprising. I have to concur and say this is worthy of praise, it's stupid and lovable, and honestly quite the good read. The conprocs are ones I had critted on before, and they fit nicely into this piece. I do want to say the anomaly isn't 100% apparent though.

Hm. The ConProcs are very interesting, and your writing is really good, I gotta say, to the point where I don't understand some terms (though that's like, my fault because I'm not that well-versed with complex terms).

I think that this idea is pretty fun indeed; the capability for us to do crazy things if we listen to that music and don't skip leg day, but that craziness didn't feel… fleshed out/explored enough? Sure, our lower body has this weird thing that can let us do crazy stuff if we continue exercising those leg muscles, and then we move onto the history section about all the GoI and how the Foundation's trying to get a hold of the gym members, but… then it kinda ends? Idk.

Though, the writing, again, was excellent. The idea's fun, but idk if it's just me who feels that this could've been a lot crazier than the subtle "don't skip leg day and you get anomalous powers" vibes. Tentative upvote.

I'm going to mirror some similar comments here and say, ironically, you didn't "stick the landing" with this parakinesiological article. It's all concept, no execution; only half a routine! The con procs give a great hook, balancing critical information with a touch of intrigue and humor. Then, the description (somewhat) clearly lays out the premise, and it's a good one!

The problem is, after the first climax of redefining paraphycology to parakinesociology, it just falls flat. You propose a fundamental change in how the Foundation views a major fulcrum of the anomalous, and it's rediculous and fun, but then… what? Why do we need to have one D-Class a day exercise this function? Is there only so much para-energy in the world to manifest? Also, there's a "failed" GOI gym aware of this capacity and we want to, what, recruit them? Who are they? What do they look and sound like? You've given the reader no mental image, no personality for what could be one of the zaniest GOIs possible. Leotards! Leg Warmers! Give me something!

This article doesn't go anywhere, which is all the more disappointing for it's great premise. Please, take this back to draft, and make it a complete story.

Until then, a very unhappy downvote for now.

All around, an amazing file. If I could give 2 upvotes I would. easiest +1 I've ever given. it's people like you who keep SCP around so long.

I really, really enjoyed this article for everything in it except…

I don't understand the D-class routine. I honestly have no idea what's going on. I understand you didn't write the conprocs but it really just… doesn't line up with your description at all. Like Rutherford, the best conclusion I could come to is that there's a limited amount of psychic energy available in the world at any given time? Except that, given that why would they be avoiding their legs? Shouldn't they be intentionally making psychics they can watch over? I'm sorry I genuinely am just baffled by the disconnect between that part of the article and everything else, to the point where I feel a little guilty giving this an upvote, despite the fact that I loved the rest of it so much. Nonetheless, I still am, and I love the article overall.

This made me chuckle internally, I gotta admit. I may echo other peopl'e voices abotu expansion, but what I think this may truly need is Jhon Cena's skip's levels of absurdity. Don't feel afraid to go bombastic on this one.

I upvoted because, by itself, it's just too good, but this is an unpolished gem. More expansion, please!