SCP Foundation

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean
I don't get what I deserved
No better and no worse

Picture is from thispersondoesnotexist.com, with explicit permission from the creator for use on the site.

Recommended listening here.

Massive thanks to all the my critters, including Dr Wile, barredowl, LonLangLin, HammerMaiden, stephlynchUltimate Ridley, PlaguePJP, The Pighead, and especially Nagiros and etoisle, without whose invaluable advice this wouldn't be close to what it is today. There's a few others, too, for whom I don't know their Wikidot usernames, but I thank you all equally for reading this behemoth of a draft.

And finally, thank you for reading!

Really enjoyed this one - take your well-deserved +1

loved it as a draft, love it now. i loved watching the concept grow into the really strong piece it is now. thanks for taking my wacky advice, and take your +1, you more than earned it :]

This one blew my mind, Amazing hook that kept me guessing and now that I see the full thing I'm blown away. Amazing dialogue!
+1

i've been following the development of this draft for a bit and i'm glad to see how much it's improved. excellent read.

+1

Toys with the old heartstrings like a cat with a ball of yarn.

Wish I could duplicate so I could upvote this twice.

Some of the dialogue can get a bit hokey at points, but it's otherwise really, really good. I enjoyed the somber take on the nature of identity, and felt for the characters all the way through.

Sidenote: by the end, …Like Clockwork by QotSA was playing in my head. Mark of a good piece.

There's a lot of good moments but all of them are interspersed with enough cheesiness that it detracts from the overall experience, and, while this may be a consequence of my own experiences with mental illness and identity, none of the identity themes landed. There was a resonance the first time it was brought up, but the more and more the same messages got repeated the more they got drained value. The character of Ezriel never worked for me, either, since they felt too much like a stock mad scientist with a tragic backstory attached that I couldn't get invested in them. His behavior being tolerated for so long also breaks my suspension of disbelief for what I imagine the Foundation would let fly with their researchers.

It's not a bad article, but there's a lot that detracts from it being a truly powerful experience.

-1.

While the dialogue was a bit unpolished, which I am sure will develop at you write more, this was thematically evocative enough that I don't especially care or mind.

I do agree with NatVoltaic's point about the Ezriel character feeling like they got the short end of the development stick.

Both of those criticisms aside, this is a thorough exploration of the theme in a way that naturally brought out emotion through character interaction rather than blunt force shock. The body horror was good early although some of the "bones protrude" was a bit repetitive in a couple of points.

That's a +1 from me.