
Solid idea and well executed; my only grievance is that I was under the impression that the object class should be Euclid, due to it being a humanoid anomaly with standard needs.
+1
Solid idea and well executed; my only grievance is that I was under the impression that the object class should be Euclid, due to it being a humanoid anomaly with standard needs.
+1
She's the sidekick Vector never knew she needed. <.<
If anything's letting this down, it's the very "here's the whole backstory!" logs at the end. There's no real reason for her to be circumspect or unreliable, but at the same time, it's just dumping everything on us at once.
I concur. Some of it seems terribly heavy-handed, too.
Kind of defeats the point of meditation if you keep thinking about the person who threatened to condemn your family to a fate worse than death.
Other than that, it warrants a modest +1 in my opinion.
This doesn't do much for me. Might just be me but that final line felt pretty hammy, and I didn't really feel any attachment to this character or her family. Perhaps if the bond between her and her family had been established in some small but meaningful way somewhere in the 'letters' that might've helped?
Also the Chaos Insurgency did an /awful/ job of trying to stop her from escaping. They didn't even send a vehicle after her? Or at least someone with a gun? This Aaron fellow just runs after her doesn't call for backup and then gives up.
Edit: is some jerkwad creating accounts in rapid succession just to lower the rating? It seems like this would be on +14 or something if not for numerous downvotes from deleted accounts.
There's a troll in the dungeon, if you will. It's alright though, some nice folks have gone in and upvoted to make up for it.
And Aaron was supposed to let her get away out of sympathy. Should I have made that clearer?
"no one can miss a cue that big", eh?
Regardless, +1 for nice outline. The anomaly is kinda meh, but the story really brought out the character.
A defecting agent from the Chaos Insurgency is an interesting idea but the humanoid is generic in appearance and personality and there's nothing much else in the article to make it stand out. There's a lot of room for improvement here, I think making the SCP a teenage girl is squandering a storytelling opportunity, since the Finnish roots don't seem to have much to do with the SCP. Maybe she's from Africa or South America, in a country with cultural or colonial ties to France or another country.
Also, more detail about how the effect works would be nice. The aerosol poison effect is interesting, especially since it seems like it was engineered to kill people, but we don't get a lot of functional information on how it works. I feel like being more specific and going into detail could only benefit the article. It might also make it more anomalous if maybe she were able to control the gas that comes out of her nose.
The characterization in the notes is very weak, I feel like some more background detail on her or personality traits would help. This is another thing that might be due to her being a teenage girl. Overall, I feel like there's a lot more that could be done with this SCP. What's here isn't terribly interesting, so -1
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
Subject displays a near-complete immunity to all types of biotoxic substances.
any other means of introduction (i.e. injection) will be processed normally by the subject's body and cause effects consistent with normal human intake of the substance.
Don't these contradict each other?
I'm glad she found Sally's, and not Gary's Outdoor Center. The idea of a standard human being surgically augmented into a walking murder machine is deeply squicky; it reinforces every negative impression I have of the CI. I hope her family are just hiding.
You've got me caring about fictional people again.
I think I saw this in the early draft stages, and I'm liking what I see. I do agree that infodumping at the end is a little too obvious - a variety of information formats might have worked better. Journal gives us the human angle, recovered CI documents the more concrete background.
Not enough to make me not like this. This sort of unfettered science/para-science is exactly what I would expect from CI, and not something that's been explored enough.
Still working on that CI human weapon I promised.