SCP Foundation

So what follows in this collapsible was originally intended to be Addendum 1, however based on feedback I received during the writing process we determined that most people wouldn't find the following information interesting. Thus I decided to exclude it from the Article proper. However, when I originally posted the article, I had a footnote mentioning the addendum attached to a comment here on the discussion page. Based on feedback, this was fairly immersion breaking and I've ultimately decided to exclude the addendum from the article proper. Instead, I will leave the collapsible here for anyone interested on what my projected structural differences between the prion and the ATP-synthase would be. Thanks for reading.

So here is my third SCP folks. A lot of thanks to Aiden, Niles, Weryllium, Shaggydredlocks, Joreth, and BlackFluid for their feedback and idea storming. This one started off as a Joke and evolved into a very sad narrative. I hope you guys like it.

The image is of a functionally modified ATP synthase molecule licenced under creative commons from PDB-101. http://images.google.de/imgres?https://cdn.rcsb.org/pdb101/motm/images/ATPsynthase.gif

I like the picture. You already know what my view is on your skip so I won't bother again.

Interesting how the SCP set out to accurately fold 1000 cranes, including a count-down.

This doesn't do justice to what is an interesting core idea (protein folding = origami, what would a protein do if it could wish?).

• The pseudo-science doesn't make sense. If only one misfolded protein is produced every 2 weeks, how would this ever get to 5g in mass, let alone 78g? Based on my rough calculations (happy to be proven wrong) it would take far longer than the total lifespan of the universe.

• The choice to put Addendum 1 (which is not consistently capitalised) in the discussion page is odd. It breaks immersion (especially as the Discussion page post in question starts with an out-of-universe author note) and doesn't appear particularly necessary. Do you need Addendum 1 at all?

• You spend a footnote justifying how the proteins can see presented items, without the Foundation seeming to be particularly interested in how these proteins are significantly smarter than domestic animals. The jump to recognising and responding to emotional indicators was particularly big. Also, how does the protein know which items are "presented to it" - ie why is it not always folding to imitate the shape of petri dishes, or substrate molecules?

• The body horror of the last three paragraphs of the Description seems completely out of place tonally, never pays off and requires a host of new "powers" for the proteins, like drilling out of cells. Why don't the proteins recognise the emotional reactions of people they're mutilating?

• Perhaps it's just me, but I didn't understand the significance of Mr Adachi at all. The medical status updates seem particularly odd - did the proteins use their wish to ask for Strep. pneumoniae as playmates?

I think this would be significantly improved by going back to the drawing board and concentrating on things that better tell the story of what a sentient protein might do, if it existed.

Ok, problems:

-1. This thing is saddled with so much technical language that, as I said above, I can't even tell if this is missing story elements that would make this coherent or if they're just not there.

Minor note: is there a way to change the image so if I click on it, I don't save a .tif file to my computer?

Hey Folks, just wanted to let everyone who posted and voted know, I have made a major update/revision to the article based on Feedback I received from Psul, Petrograd, Cimmerryan, Shaggydredlocks, and AbsentmindedNihilist.

In here

"Fukurokuju or the Kanji Characters 愛子安達."

愛子安達 should be 福禄寿, since 愛子安達 translates to Aiko Adachi, while 福禄寿 translates to Fukurokuju.

I do like this one, though is somewhat lacking compared to your previous two skips. A nitpick I have is that November 31st is not actually a day on the calendar.

Too much technical language, an emotional connection so forced that it falls flat on its face, an interesting skip brought down by lukewarm, uninteresting writing. I would suggest you trash the whole thing and start over with just the basic idea (Kind of cute cells that copy stuff). I seriously doubt there's a way to make this skip work as it is, even with superb writing.

Downvoted