You completely forgot to remove any XXXX from the article. -1 until it's fixed and after I read the actual article.
It's actually fairly good, and other than the most obvious problem with the article, if that gets fixed it's a +1 for me.
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2732.
It's fixed now, thanks for the heads up ._. I always forget the details, it's either the rating module or that.
Just a short piece concerning the origin/history of the Hanged King, or the different versions of it. Of course, reading the piece doesn't necessarily require knowledge of 701, at least that's how I see it. Generally, I just feel like I have to get this idea out.
(Although I have to admit that, I used all those Chinese culture stuff as a vehicle mainly because writing in classic Chinese feels good :P)
There is not too much background story to this, but generally speaking, someone was trying to discover the origin of the Hanged King, and the entries are his attempts. Some entries are based on the previous ones while others got abandoned. In the end, he was able to get close enough to the truth to caught himself some special attention.
Great thanks to Rimple, Lex1nat0r, Dora, Reject, Shio, LutherC, Adnol, CyberWing89, WestyDude, fleshcrafterAngel all the others who reviewed my draft.
Hmm… I feel this would work much better as a Tale about a Beijing Opera on the Hanged King. The SCP part feels more of an excuse to put in things that could be there as a Tale.
There is an intent to show that someone set up this stage for a supposed reason, but I do not think it is fully utilised. Like, why would someone want to discover the origin of the Hanged King? Is the scenarios showing the truth? Or is the maker's choices affecting what the stage shows?
Actually I've been thinking about this idea for a long time, but have failed to compose a tale out of this. If anything, I'm more of a tale person, but it just didn't work out for me. I did like the skip idea when I came up with it, and the least I can do is putting this out there and see how it goes.
Anyways, thanks for the feedback, and I'll think about the questions.
I don't think that this article can function in a vacuum without the established context of 701.
I was hoping that this could just be viewed as a weird play with some slightly scary implications. Honestly I don't think it relies too much on the content of 701, just a few key concepts, which the piece provides its version of backstory to.
But of course, it's fair that you feel this way.
In Description: "60 meters radius" should just be "60 meter radius" unless this is a regional thing.
"Seems to be corresponding" might work better as "seems to correspond" since it means the same thing and matches the tense used in the rest of the paragraph.
In Entry 2, it says "Instances begin to surround SCP-2732-1-A"; should this be SCP-2732-2-A?
In Entry 6, it says "The piece of meat is a mixture cow and pig meat"; should this be "mixture of cow and pig meat"?, also "Hands out a piece of white silk" can probably just be "hands a piece of white silk", although this is more stylistic than anything.
I'm on the fence about whether or not I think this is most appropriate as an SCP or a more Tale-like addition to the canon. On one hand, I think the anomalous way it operates is significant enough to deserve its own designation and I really like the way it is described and the manner in which the description develops over the course of the entries. On the other hand, the story doesn't have the immediacy or brutality of the original 701 play's screenplay and serves more to enhance the original without bringing a lot of new ideas to the table.
Overall, I think the idea works best because of the way it interacts with people. By having it require a person reading the history aloud to come to life but falling inactive if someone enters the stage itself, it creates a sense of unearthly space between the person and the performance; it is as if the stage is insisting that the reader bear witness to the event without being involved. Between this and the application of the Chinese setting, I think it's well worth a +1 even if I'm unsure about it being an SCP in its own right.
The mistakes are fixed, thanks a lot :3
About the lacking of immediacy or brutality tho, this skip wasn't intended to be like 701, but rather a mostly harmless and slightly creepy thing.
I think the entries are a bit too repetitive, and don't' really escalate in an interesting manner. I feel like I should be creeped out, but it's not really coming across outside the seventh entry.
Thanks for the feedback. Originally the repetitiveness was meant to show the process of the writer revising the entries to get closer to the truth, instead of giving entirely different stuff I wanted it to be him building on what he has. But I can see the possible problems with that, and I'll think about it.
Yea, I got that from your spoiler. I think a better direction to take this would be to cut down/differentiate the entries a bit, and perhaps explore the 'creator' and their motives some, as that aspect doesn't come through in the article (it doesn't need to, but it could help). Perhaps if it's clear to the Foundation that's what it's purpose is, they'd be interested in trying their own entries.
Knowing that it's tied to a god-like entity (obviously related to some other items they have in containment) would perhaps give them impetus to test possible methods of disrupting/killing the figure (in the off chance that the real deal would be summoned/brought into our reality at some point in the future).
You're right, although I don't really have any good ideas atm for that.
Um, by figure I assume you mean SCP-2732-2-D, which isn't alive at all, it's made of animal meat. It just moves on the stage like all other -2 instances. Aslo logically, testing on it won't really help with figuring out how the actual Ambassador would work.
I meant the Hanged King. By testing, I mean altering the narrative to see how it reacts to changes in the script.
I figured that as the HK has a presence in a couple other contained items, they would reasonably assume it to have some potential for entering our world and causing trouble. (I might be completely getting the figure/mythos mixed up, not 100% familiar with it all).
On second thought, not sure how that would work for two reasons: 1) Here, it seems to follow the narrative written, so I'm not sure how anything 'unexpected' could come out of it (both in-universe, and out-of-universe). 2) this deals with it's origin, has nothing to do with its subsequent actions. So I'm not sure what could come of it.
At best, they could try to see what happens when they write the King to not hang himself *shrug*.
Actually, witing new entries on the booklet is actually a pretty good angle I previously didn't think about. But I'm not entirely sure if the Foundation would be willing to try that, given that it might be risky and they're not in any urgent situation concerning the entity.
I agree that some of the middle entries get a little repetitive, I think maybe making one completely different might help keep the reader's attention. I can't say that I wasn't creeped out a little by the last entry, though, so +1.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
(account deleted)+1
I'm a sucker for foreign culture in SCPs aight? Also it's well written, generally interesting (I do agree with Lil' Stalin that the middle is a bit repetitive) and that ending is great. Great job Sunny!
Also, I can agree. Writing in your native language's own script is very fun.
Српски, ја требам да направим један СЦП у Српцки.1
Footnotes
1. I feel there's a grammar error in there I dunno need to work on my Serbian
Admittedly, it is the ball-and-wing Ambassador that piques my interest, especially given all the behind-the-scenes research and theorizing I do regarding Alagadda and On Mount Golgotha.
There's a traditional Chinese mystery character reference, named Hundun(浑沌, literally means 'Chaos'）. That's a faceless monster or god that has a round body.
I'm pretty sure they would be using Traditional Chinese characters during the Ming dynasty since Simplified hasn't been invented yet
I honestly think it's a minor detail and could just be that the Foundation used Simplified Chinese to transcribe the entries.
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page revision: 1, last edited: 25 Feb 2021 03:57
