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Written with much help and input from Roget,
Vivax and
Wogglebug,
Drewbear and
Quikngruvn!
Voct has added their own little bit to the containment procedure.
Thanks to LilyFlower,
Ihp and
Wogglebug for critt!
Mistakes such as random caps and numbers being wrong have been fixed. All "s have been removed.
Did you see what we did there?
Accidentally gave Roth a non-complaint image, that one is NC.
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Blue_tongued_skink_NSW_Australia.JPG
this image however is compatible.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
Well, that's certainly fun and interesting! The interview log contains numerous errors, like an it's mistake, random capitalization, and wonky formatting. -1 due solely to that, but I'll definitely revisit for a +1 once it's cleaned up.
There were loose lips (or, tattoos if we wanna be accurate), but no ships were sunk.
+1
EDIT: I can't believe I didn't see the pun until after posting this. +1, then -1 just so that I could give it a second +1.
(V) (;,,;) (V)
Caretakers have observed that this resembles the moon reflecting off the sea.
Seams a bit too fanciful for the foundation. —Ether put that description in quotes or rewrite it into something like:
Caretakers have observed that this in appearance is reminiscent of moonlight reflecting of water, specific in reference to the ocean.
Or something to that effect.— EDIT: Danke, Zyn.
Doctor Carson: "Where are you from?"
SCP-3011-1: "Oh, we're a long way from our home, my boy. Born on the ragin' sea, you see. We don't make to land, 'least not that we plan."
SCP-3011-2: "And now here we be."
Doctor Carson: Alright, but how did you get here?
[…]
The erratic quotation marks are too distracting for me to read it. I'd personally remove them all together, but fixing the quotation marks on all of them works too.
Besides those points here have a +1
P.S. OH HI ROTH DIDN'T SEE IT WAS YOU CONGRATS!
P.P.S. Oh I see what you did there.
Will we see a rabbit inspired skip?
Seams a bit too fanceyful for the foundation. Ether put that description in quotes or rewrite it into something like:
Caretakers have observed that this in appearance is reminiscent of Moonlight reflecting of water, specific in reference to the ocean.
*seems *fanciful
Also, Dr0Shadow, the text that you recommend replacing and your replacement suggestion contain very much different information. Something resembling another thing, provided you take the first usual definition, can be interpreted as rather different from something being reminiscent of another thing (e.g., an enormous chocolate strawberry may be reminiscent of your mother if she made those for you, but hopefully you never tell your mother that she resembles an enormous chocolate strawberry)
You don't need to capitalize "moonlight" as it's not a proper noun, the correct word would be "specifically" since it refers to the verb "reflecting", and "in reference to the ocean" is overly wordy when what is currently there suffices for clinical tone, as it's stated that the reader is being told of the opinion of caretakers.
Clinical tone does not mean overcomplicating text to try and sound more professional. Concise, precise language is preferred over wordiness, even if said wordiness sounds more technical.
Please be more careful when attempting to critique clinical tone from now on.
Considering I was trying to hit on a comedy rather than super duper serious science, I did not want to hit it too hard with all the science lingo. I wanted to get away with a semi-serious SCP. As some may know by now I am more of a comedy writer rather than a serious writer.
I have, however, fixed up some random caps that strayed in and random numbers that were wrong. Even after checking those numbers twice and thrice there was still just a couple that got away. Some grammar has also been fixed up.
Ah bugger. Sorry Zyn, I though I had the tone concept down. Apologies, and I'll try to keep this in mind in the future. Thanks for the correction!
(edit: also I have tendency to capitalize random things when writing. Forgot to get rid of that.)
Sorry for necro, but I have to agree, that sentence also made me stumble when I read the article. It just seems ham-fisted.
My suggestion would be something like:
"Several caretakers have noted that the resulting/displayed patterns often resemble moonlight reflecting off the sea."
I find it… odd that the procedure starts by stating there are 90 of them and concludes by saying there are over three thousand.
Its like, that is the original amount they had but the counter has basically said it has just gotten out of control since.
I surmised that, but I'd still rather it be stated outright that they originally numbered ninety.
I wasn't particularly moved until the interview, but I loved the way it went from cute and funny to scary in just a couple lines (I was wondering why it was Euclid until that point).
Also, anyone care to explain the pun? I definitely cannot see what they did there >__> (English is not my first language)
The title of the SCP is Loose Lips Skink ships. Its a play on Loose lips loose scips or something like that on a poster that a user made (That also appeared in CB)
This is in turn a play on "Loose Lips Sink Ships", an American WWII Propaganda slogan.
~🏵~Flower Power~🏵~
Wonderfully silly, I love the idea of them swarming their way to containment breach, characterization is really good. I do think the interview lines in quotation marks is strangely off-putting, but I will let it slide.
(account deleted)
