So I made a thread about this SCP project I was working on, but now I made some major changes on it. I'm sick of asking Zyn ,who has been very helpful, to ask someone to critique it wasting mine and his time. So please review it, critique it, share your honest opinion on this project.
It's still far from finished, but I'm stuck and don't know how to continue. Every post matters and means much to me and this project.
The link:
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/deleted:dr-david-brajkovic
Thank you!
Edit: I think the main problem is around the experiment and interview logs so take a look at them the most. If you have an idea of how to change them please tell me, it would really help to improve the project and help me write my first SCP article.
This draft will probably get lost in this pile of drafts without being reviewed :-(
Dr David Brajkovic, please do not reply to your post if it has no other replies. Staff members and reviewers tend to look for and review threads with no replies, so it hurts your chances of getting crit. It could aslo be considered bumping, which is against the rules.
Additionally, please be patient. It can take up to 30 minutes just to write good crit, and your draft has been up for only 5 hours. There are older threads that need crit first and this is all volunteer work.
I'm sick of asking Zyn ,who has been very helpful, to ask someone to critique it wasting mine and his time.
For the record, I'm female.
Oh, Sorry
Well that's awkward…
I think the SCP is a great idea
Cyndicate, this feedback is vague and unhelpful. Forum reviewers are held to a certain level of thoroughness in critique, and are expected to provide some sort of indication of how an author can improve their writing, rather than just giving generic responses that don't even demonstrate that the reviewer has read the specific draft or not.
Furthermore, this thread was originally created almost a year ago. I will be locking it. Please be more observant from now on.
Yo.
A few brief things I picked up:
Remove the "unknown" part from the description, it serves no real purpose into the narrative.
For the description, you really need to use a decent paragraph structure. You've started a new line per sentence, which leaves it all feeling "disjointed".
Addendum XXXX-01 needs a little work with the templates, how you wish to approach this is up to you, but as I've mentioned earlier, leaving gaps and starting new lines, just to give a coordinate for example, doesn't so much draw attention to your story as it breaks flow instead.
Shrink the photo: "The photo found in the instrument's bell" down, I don't know how it looks on your screen, but on mine its interfering with the Experiment Log XXXX-A template and text within.
For when D-15927 speaks in Croatian, for ease of reading, just have the log state [in Croatian] and then type it up in English, the footnotes aren't meant to be used this way, as when you hover over them it always gives a heading, and offers you the choice to click to scroll the page - its distracting and ruins the atmosphere you're trying to build.
There are quite a few test logs that could do with some collapsibles.
The last image: "SCP-XXXX shematic view", I need to point out 'schematic' is spelled wrong, also its shoved right down the article on the footnotes, when it is actually a far better quality and clearer image than the first picture you've chosen, "SCP-XXXX in its storage chamber", I would either swap them, or delete the 1st image altogether.
Keep it up!
Hey man, thanks!
Firstly I wanted to leave D-15927 and other class-D personnel speaking Croatian for the authenticity of the story and you don't have to scroll down to see the footnotes, you can just hold your mouse on the footnote number and the footnote will appear. Also I think I will leave the first image because it really looks like XXXX is in the containment chamber. And for the last image is actually quite unnecessary, but I like it.
There are quite a few test logs that could do with some collapsibles.
I don't understand…
And if you have time could you review the story and the logs of XXXX?
Thats what really bothers me.
Let me help you out here.
Whenever you hover over the footnote number, it always gives you:
- The heading,
- The content (the bit you actually want to read),
- And then offers you the choice to click to scroll the page.
Sorry, but its distracting to do that for every line of dialogue, and ruins the atmosphere you're trying to build in the log. I understand the effect you're going for, but the footnotes aren't meant to be used this way. Footnotes are used to put additional information into an article, without breaking the flow of the text.
They are not meant to be used as a literal language interpreting service.
Collapsibles to give your logs more organisation, can be found here, under the "formatting" tab:-
http://www.scp-wiki.net/how-to-write-an-scp
Hey, Thanks
I just have one more question to ask you
Do you think I should put all tests in a one bigger experiment log or do you think I should have a separate experiment log for every test like I have now?
And also, how do you think I should make D-class speak Croatian without losing the atmosphere and the effect?
No. Separate experiment log for each for ease of reading.
You will have to understand something about your readers - they're not here for language class. Putting foreign dialogue up, is going to bore your audience regardless of whether the characters speak in Polish, German, Czech or other.
If people want to learn languages, give them the option.
Instead of using footnotes for what they're not designed for, try this instead then:
Character 1: "Croatian text"
[translation]: "English text"
Thanks!
The Croatian with the english translation is smart. Don't know how I didn't think of it. And for the logs, don't you think there are too much of them? Some people pointed that out. They said that there are "to many logs with a vague story".
What do you think?