This seems somewhat incomplete (like the edit I made). Have you announced this in the proper thread?
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1139.
That's because it was incomplete. lol.
You found it literally midpost (you accidentaly locked me out for a couple minutes when you fixed the picture that I was currently working on…no harm done and I appreciate the help, though I got very confused for a second).
It is now posted, the correct picture is up, it is on the main list, and it is announced. Please let me know if something about it still feels incomplete or if you have any other advice/critisism. Its my first SCP, and after a couple of days growing in the advice thread, I decided to post it.
"██. Following Incident 1139-1, object has been moved to Research Area ██. No Keter class testing or containment is to be perfromed at Reasearch Area ██."
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE FRONTSPACE.
Area: Facility built to contain Keter-class objects. Constructed far from civilian establishments, Areas house nuclear devices that can be used to clear the facility and terminate all facility personnel. These devices are detonated if the containment of a Keter-class object is breached and is not able to be contained again.
OH SHIT, HOW ABOUT THAT.
LEARN TO READ.
Military Consultant, SCP Wiki
You're right that additional explaination was called for, but I had read the portion you quoted, and this was on purpose.
This is not currently listed as Keter, but the costs of having it go off with Keter subjects at the same location is high enough to justify isolation. I think I clarified, including a nod to the fact that Areas are generally only for Keter class objects.
That makes a lot more sense.
Military Consultant, SCP Wiki
There's potential here, but you still have some work to be done. I noticed at least one or two SCP-XXXX remaining in here, it looks like when you were copy-pasting the test logs you copied some extraneous lines between several of them, and I'm not sure what the purpose of all the extra lines between things at the bottom of the article is. The inclusion of the CoBG is nice, not enough of them around, but it almost seems a bit… Forced? That is, this thing has no real mechanical components to it aside from the fact that it uses electricity to rewrite peoples' speech center.
Still, a pretty good concept that I don't think has been done to death; fix up the typographical issues, and I'll upvote it.
For future reference, you should NEVER post into the main list until it's ready to post; if you're fixing it up, experimenting with format, etc. you should really use the sandbox.
I just went through & did a lot of spelling/format cleanup, so those extraneous bars and the XXXX are fixed now.
But yeah, there's some copy-paste in the experiment logs. The wording is weird in several sections, as well.
It's an interesting take on the "Tower of Babel", but I want to see this get fixed up some more before I feel comfortable upvoting.
Oh, also? You're way overusing the black boxes & redaction. Figure out what really needs to be hidden and expose the rest.
Giving bearhugs to the unsuspecting since 1872.
Thanks, I had sandboxed it and let it sit in the advice forum for a while, but as advice dried up there, I figured it was good to post. I appreciate the corrections.
EDIT: Ok, thanks. I had worried I was overredacting. I will fill some of it back in. As for the CotBG, I want there to be a lot more…as it is, there is little direction, and I am open to changes, since this could very well contibute to their identity (if it sticks around). Some people seem to think the Chruch can only use steampunk type things, some have items which are metal and do stuff, but have no traditional "moving parts." Origonally, this was stone…I changed it to metal to make the Church a better fit. I made a slight change to the description to imply that the interior of the object is not a solid mass. I intended the moving parts to be just dormant, and only move when its plugged in correctly, but that's sort of a sub-plot to the story in my head about this.
"the moment the radiation touches the base of his brain stem"
You might change the wording to make it less overly specific. "the moment the subject's head is fully enveloped in the radiation field" or some such thing.
Also, the repetition of "Two months after testing, Dr. A████ placed on voluntary administrative leave due to stress. Subject D-18394 terminated and all documentation locked in long term storage." needs some work. I'd suggest clearly acknowledging that this has just happened again in each new report, rather than just repeating it near-verbatim.
Thanks for the suggestions. I am amending the radiation to the brain stem thing to sound more clinical, but I prefer it to be on contact than on immersion. Also, I like the simmilar reactions of the doctor to failing each time…the second one being a mandatory leave after a longer time studying is perhaps too small a change to be noticable, but the report would use simmilar language for simmilar results.
Does anyone else have a strong feeling either way? I will bow on either of these to a group concensus, though I am leaving them for now.
EDIT: Other things I specifically want feedback on are whether it is too long (I worry that it is, especially the containment), whether I used O5 comments correctly (I think I did, but I don't want to get their tone wrong), and whetehr this should be instead rated safe or keter (I think it is rated correctly, with denied requests for keter status).
"Request upgrade to Keter status. Dr. A████
Request denied, and pull the plug on this sideshow. If you want a long term test subject, use Dr. A████ O5-█"
Wow! He can talk english on and off! Might wanna fix that. Good story overall +1.
I like this, but I find that the experiment log bugged me and by the end of it, most of the enthusiasm i had for the idea was gone.
I just feel like there isn't much gained from it. Still, good ideas.
This is weird. No sockets are shown in the image, for one. Class AA amnesiacs seem to be overreaching, since I've never heard of such a thing before. There are other SCPs that overwrite language ability, though that's not necessarily a downside. I dunno.
I have a lot of problems with this. Foremost, considering how straightforward the effect is, the description and specific details are convoluted as hell. The radiation is a great example- it's completely superflous to what the object actually does.
Second, certain elements the article are painfullly over the top. Bits like the researchers suffering from breakdowns after trying to study just a single language instance, or the request for all excess D-class, are completely absurd under my head-cannon, and I doubt r'm alone in that regard.
Lastly, the tone could use a lot of work. Get my attention in the IRC if you'd like specifics; I'm not prepared to post the full rundown from my phone.
Suffice to say, downvote.
I liked it. Almost. Then it went dumb. And I didn't like it then.
/forum/t-509911/scp-1139#post-
page revision: 1, last edited: 02 Apr 2021 15:16
