SCP Foundation

Note: I correct the given mistake only once. If you do not use the metric system, I will only make a single comment about it, even if it appears again in the rest of the article. If the draft has many language problems, I will only correct the most glaring ones.

One(1) hive of SCP-xxxx will be kept in a 5x3x5m containment chamber for testing purposes.

While the number (#) notation saw a lot of use in the past, it's not something that really needs to be used unless there's a strong need for the number to be read accurately (drug dosages, for instance.) Otherwise it's just taking up space. Measurements shouldn't be included unless they are essential to containment. E.g., it's okay to say 'standard' and you don't need to include the measurements at all, as that can actually cause more trouble and questions more often than not.

Instead of biting prey

You mean stinging?

it does appear to diminish neural capabilities

Instill drowsiness and inhibit alertness?

and attract prey in a manner that compels them to follow trails of the pheromone.

I'd change this into: 'capable of mimicking pheromones of the respective species' because the word 'compulsion' has a negative bias attached to it.

Once SCP-xxxx-1 and the swarm arrives, a new kind of bee comes into play.

Don't say 'come into play'. It's unclinical.

SCP-xxxx "butcher" bees are nearly twice as large as workers, coming to a average length of 2.5 inches.

Since the Foundation is an international organisation, we use the metric system. Use metres, centimetres and kilometres.

SCP-xxxx "butcher" bees are nearly twice as large as workers

You should probably designate these 'butcher' and 'worker' bees as SCP-XXXX-1 and -2 while making prey animals -3.

So the interview does a lot to give this a degree of personality, and it's overall competently written apart from some clinical tone issues. There's two large gripes I have with it right now though:

1. The MTF that got eaten was completely unnecessary. If they expected bees this size, why would they even get out of the car? Why wouldn't they return with some kind of armoured vehicle? It doesn't make any sense.
2. The anomaly in itself is competently written but bland. They're bees that are abnormally large and have an attractive pheromone. I appreciate the fact that you resisted making the monster as big and scary as possible, but it still doesn't stand up on its own right now.

Why does this thing exist? Why does it have these properties? What makes it different story-wise from any other monster already on the mainlist? We already have a lot of monsters, These ideas usually don't work because there's not a strong story element, and since magic/deadly/monstrous items have been done hundreds of times on the wiki, a new one has to be ridiculously unique to work. The bulk of successful modern articles use the object as a means to tell a story. Ask yourself the following questions when you write an article like this:

• Why is this colony here?
• How did the Foundation find it?
• Why should the reader care about it?
• Where did it come from?