Okay, here we go. I got caught up making dinner for the family, so this is a quick read. Here are my thoughts:
I'm not entirely sure if the containment makes sense. I feel like a building covered in black mold that's been guarded by armed people would probably increase suspicion rather than lower it. Instead, put some "private property, under renovation signs" in front, build a little guard cabin and mark it "groundskeeper" or "caretaker", and pretty up the place every now and then. Also, who is Dr. Stevenson with regards to the project and why is it only their permission that can be sought for testing? Better to just put someone's title/position rather than relying only on one person, who can very possibly be unavailable or indisposed at a given time. Ditto for the reports submitted to Stevenson. I don't even know who that person is or why they're apparently so important for this object.
The description is… eh, couple things popped out here and there for me. The measurements seem a little small, given that these are some church plans that are considered small: https://affordablestructures.com/modular-religious-building-floor-plans.html is it meant to be a very small church? Also, try to establish an object's primary anomaly before you distract the reader with the history. At that point, they're not properly oriented as to what the anomaly does, so the history might not be as enjoyable (or make much sense).
Some small errors:
- personnel, not personel
- "When finished with testing, a full account of their experiences" > this is weird idiomatic phrasing. Sounds almost like the account is the thing doing the testing.
- "and measures in at 27 x 16 meters" > sounds almost like a wrestling play-by-play. WEIGHING IN AT 300 POUNDS! Take out the "in". Also,
Overall… I feel like there's something here, but I'm just not getting it? I'm not sure what the list of people in the collapsible is supposed to mean (does it really need to be in the collapsible or in the article at all?) and the test logs just seem to tell me "depending on your religious affiliation, you see different stuff/different stuff happens to you in the building". As such, I feel like there isn't much to it.
What am I missing here?
