It Was Never Really About The Soup, Anyway
I formatted as I went, so I hope I did everything right.
Without further ado, here is what I hope will be SCP-3262.
It Was Never Really About The Soup, Anyway
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» It Was Never Really About The Soup, Anyway
Summary:
Just finished my very first SCP draft, and I'd greatly appreciate your critiques.
EDIT: I realize my mistake in replying rather than making a new post. I shall endeavor to not make the mistake again.
Also new to the site, been looking at other people's submissions and the critiques to get a feel for how I should be writing. I do enjoy your idea here, but one thing sort of sticks out to me. In Test C, I feel like they would be using another D-Class to pilot the robot so as to not risk the life of a doctor, considering there are other documented SCP objects that affect operators of drones. Even if it was a doctor behind the controls, i feel that, having seen what the object does to people, there would be someone watching to make sure the doctor was unaffected.
Just some initial thoughts I had on the matter.
Follow up thoughts, the D-class personnel are very rarely if ever referred to by their real names in reports. Instances of "Jeremiah" and "Martin" should probably be replaced by their serial numbers.
Thank you for your critiques! I think your insight into the remote operation and D-Class terminology were very needed. They make the entry feel more cohesive.
Okay, here we go. Cleaning up forum backlog, so this is a quick read. Here are my thoughts:
Containment seems a little backwards; usually people establish the physical containment before the access procedures. Also, if something is required to be 5 x 5, it might not necessarily be "standard".
Some little hiccups here and there. I'm not entirely certain that "mint condition" is a clinical term. The "for easy removal of the cutting unit." insert seems unnecessary and can be removed. The footnote noting the canned good not mattering seems to still be a little vague… does a can of soda count for this? Also, it should be "Foundation personnel" and not "SCP personnel". Also, probably put blackboxes for the person's name rather than [REDACTED].
The "An Open Letter to On-Site Personnel" part at the end kind of ruins the article. I'm not sure if it's intended to make what seems to be a body horror article funny, but it just makes the Foundation look incompetent and breaks my suspension of disbelief. I recommend taking that out entirely—it doesn't contribute anything good to the article.
Overall… I admit I'm torn. On one hand, I really don't like body horror, but on the other hand, this is a quirky but terrifying object that isn't bloated by too much extra attributes. It tells a straightforwardly creepy story and is nicely simple.
Maybe ask some other authors about this, who have some experience with horror. I think psul is a solid bet? Remember to ask politely!
Thank you very much for your critiques! I went back and made changes as you suggested. You're absolutely right, after the amount of time I've spent on this site, you'd think I'd know to put physical containment first before any access procedures. I also cleaned up and clarified the bit about the kinds of cans that activate the quirk.
I'm not normally into the body horror SCP's, either, but it was a thought I had as I was opening a can while making supper a few weeks ago and I thought "Hey, this might make for a simple and straightforward SCP." So I really appreciate you taking the time to read it and give some very good critiques about it.
/forum/t-5567435/it-was-never-really-about-the-soup-anyway#post-
page revision: 7, last edited: 17 Nov 2020 06:16
