STD
STD
Summary:
So I’ve been reading a lot about SCP’s and I tried really hard with this. I really suck at writing but this is my best so any crtisicism to make it better is appreciated, thank you
Ok let’s have a look here. Ok
So the first thing I see is bold text and formatting.
You figured out spacing. But boldening the titles makes it look less muddy, more defined and to what exactly we are looking at.
I don’t care for these “stages”. It seems to much like you are trying to make this SCP more dangerous than it has to be. As for the stages in the SCP file itself they should not be in the Containment Procedures. Those should be kept to strictly anything that needs to be done to contain the SCP. In the Description you can tell people why the special containment procedures are necessary.
Do not I repeat DO NOT ever refer to an SCP by its nickname in the file. It looks so bad both on paper and spoken. Having a nickname for it is fine but it should and shall always in all foundation documentation be know by the SCP-XXXX.
“If the specimen is showing aggressive behavior, mild pleasure should be administered to put it in a better mode”
This is example of language that doesn’t reallt fit in anywhere. Writing needs to be clinical if you’ve read any SCP it is very clear how that looks. I also don’t much care for this classification. I would try to write this as a -J that’s what it seems like the type of material I’m getting. I’m seeing a lot of over the top and out landish stuff (and this is the SCP universe we are talking about) so that’s saying a lot.
It’s a giant dick. attempting to pass this as anything but a -J at that point is taking the idea way to seriously. Honestly I cracked up so hard when I looked at this and it basically just said it’s a giant dick.
The fact that it makes more dicks by “sexual intercourse” makes me crack up again. I don’t feel like I’m reading a document about a dangerous creature. I’m reading someone’s fever dream diary.
The Description is a giant mess. You start on a path that seems normal then it takes a 180 nose dive that takes me right out of the immersion. (no there really was non once I read it was a dick) I can see you are trying what I would recommend you do is go to the SCP’s and read about 10-20 SCP’s really get the feel and language of them. Understand the world and how the foundation interacts with it. If you need TheVolgan has a basic introduction video you can watch as well.
The reference is so out of place I wonder why it is there at all. Especially the fact that it can give me information and give me more questions then answers
Never say things like “removal of human life” the foundation does do some shady things but they are not evil. Well most of the foundation isn’t evil. Anyway I would replace that with just deaths. When it says it has “497 confirmed kills” how do they know that? It seems unlikely to just be a well known fact about it you’d think if a penis killed 497 people capture of it would have been dare I say… hard
You add way to much information that should have been in the description in a tiny box at the end. These plot points would actually get me invested a bit more. Talk about the discover of a colony of penises and how they know they have average intellects? That part really seems so out of place where it is. The same thing goes with the fact that they kill for sport? How do they know that!?
Please collapse long posts. ~Zyn
I highly recommend getting more accustomed to the exact writing style and terms. Considering making this a -J I guarantee no one in the community would go for a big penis being part of lore.
Dr Hazmat, this feedback is vague and misleading.
I can see you are trying what I would recommend you do is go to the SCP’s and read about 10-20 SCP’s really get the feel and language of them.
Just telling an author to read a number of SCP articles won't really help them much, especially if they go and refer to 10-20 articles written 10 years ago. If you're going to tell someone to read more, be more specific in your reading recommendations.
Understand the world and how the foundation interacts with it.
What does this mean? The author may think they already understand this, which is why they're writing the article. How is their view of the Foundation inferacting with the world problematic?
I highly recommend getting more accustomed to the exact writing style and terms.
What does this mean? What terms? How can the author figure out the "style"?
Considering making this a -J
Why? What's the joke here? Why is it funny?
I guarantee no one in the community would go for a big penis being part of lore.
You'd be surprised. I think we already have a penis SCP. Ben Franklin is involved.
Given that this is not the first time staff had needed to address problematic feedback from you, please be more careful with your critique from now on.
/forum/t-5645499/std#post-
page revision: 7, last edited: 17 Nov 2020 06:16
