So, I’ve been away from SCP writing for quite a while (I don’t have the best track record anyway…), and I recently decided to get back into the swing of things. Here is my latest attempt at writing. All criticism, positive or negative, is welcome and greatly appreciated!
i have some free time so i'ma crit this
All instances of SCP-XXXX are to be kept in a lockbox in a small room.
i don't really think the room size is important, there's usually just a wing for that, and lockbox is informal- a better term is "a locked container".
Gloves, bags, and other such tools may be utilized to transport SCP-XXXX.
"protective coverings" would suffice here
the usual, standard designation format is SCP-XXXX-1 thru -16.
SCP-XXXX was discovered in Tucson, Arizona during a welfare check on their original owner, [REDACTED].
Blackboxes work better for names, and i don't see how a welfare check would lead to calling the Foundation- maybe add a line about it being an embedded foundation agent?
[REDACTED] had only been missing for a week prior to the welfare check, which led to the assumption of SCP-XXXX’s anomalous properties.
again, i doubt some welfare worker will immediately call a clandestine organization because somebody died.
SCP-XXXX possesses the ability to bind itself to those who come into direct contact with it. This anomaly affects animals as well as humans. Further testing is required to determine the effect SCP-XXXX has on other SCPs.
a lot of cross-testing is frowned upon- why sacrifice a skip when the entire point is that they'll kill you
Upon touching SCP-XXXX, the subject (designated SCP-XXXX-1) will become substantially weaker, often experiencing vertigo, fatigue, dyspnea, and asthenia. These symptoms typically subside within one hour with no lasting effects. When SCP-XXXX is broken, any instances of SCP-XXXX-1 will begin to atrophy at an abnormal rate. Within one minute, all instances will be reduced to skeletons.
how does it bond, however? what level?
Immediately following the death of the last remaining instance, SCP-XXXX will begin to reform itself without the aid of any external forces. No evidence of damage remains following this reformation.
the death of the last person it bonded to? clarify.
in conclusion, this seems like a thing-that-kills-you without much meat- maybe add a interview with an effected d-class? i'm not sure how this can be improved- it honestly doesn't seem interesting just being Marbles That Kill You.
Thanks for the critique, I’ll try to do a bit of reworking.
Hey, just popping in to correct a misconception:
Blackboxes work better for names
That's absolutely not always the case. In fact, a lot of the time, blackboxing out names can lead to a worse piece (ie, a blackboxed researcher's name can look ugly and make it harder to track who's doing what). For places like this, it really, really doesn't matter whether you black it out or not. If there is no in-universe or narrative reason to do, I wouldn't.
aight, just seemed to think that was practice. in addition, i was referring to blackboxing names vs redacting names with [redacted]
Ah, I thought that was about "Tuscon, Arizona." My apologies.
In that case, either one works, but you're right about black boxes being more standard practice.