SCP Foundation

alright so what should be done here to make the idea i have so far better
here is the basic concept
the castle is semi sentiant
it contains suits of armour that will go to great lengths to kill all threats approaching this castle
it contains a king who knows all there is about the castle but will turn to stone in order to not tell those secrets
it contains a bigger golden suit of armor that plans to assassinate the king and is stronger then the average knight
among many others that i haven't thought of

here's the full thing http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/dr-nelson-3

For the draft, you can feedback on it in the drafts and critiques forum. This forum is more for concept/outline critique.

Speaking of which, I can't say this sounds very interesting. It seems like a combination of the classic living suits of armor cliche with a videogame dungeon. The Stone King is evocative of a few medieval myths, but the fact that said image is used as a fairly unnecessary logistical aide (why not just not tell them anything?) makes it feel flat. There also isn't a great sense of historical conceptualization to the concept since you don't describe the nature of the king,knights, and castle in question. Are they french gothic? English High? Spanish Late? The way its written seems to want the reader to accept it as a generic storybook king and castle, but even that would require contextualization (and ideally some lampshading) to come across as compelling.

I see, now this forum isn't for critique I really just intend to bounce ideas around to improve this draft

So what should be omitted and what needs to be elaborated on to improve this draft

How would you go about tweaking this draft

I will change the draft acordingly

So, it looks like you didn't answer any of Modern_Erasmus's questions about how you want to build up the idea, so I'll ask a couple more simple questions. Remember, reviewers are not here to write the article for you.

1. Why do you want to write about castles and knights? What are some interesting facts about castles and knights that not everyone knows about, that you can use to make your story more interesting?

2. What kind of castle and knights do you want to write about? French Gothic? English High? Spanish Late? Why?

3. Why does this anomalous castle exist in-universe?

4. How does the Foundation interact with the castle in an interesting way?

So some immense issues with my current draft have been pointed out to me here is all of them that I was able to understand

• containment procedures make no sense
• the anomalous properties of the castle hardly add much to the story
• the anomalous properties of the castle itself are not elaborated on enough
• instances of SCP-xxxx-1's abilities aren't described well enough
• most of the dialog is robotic
• a lot of the characters sound the same
• with the story I'm trying to tell the classification keter is not necessary
• as of now the SCP seems overpowered
• interview with SCP-xxxx-3 doesn't make sense as it is known to violently kill people yet the foundation approaches it very nonchalantly
• interviews with scp-xxxx-3 and 2 are not really necessary as the picture book tells the story more

Now I have few ideas on how to mend this without changing the story as just about everything leads back to something else related to the story ( aside from containment procedures)