SCP Foundation

Link for the draft: http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/daveytheduck

Okay, so uh… there are a lot of issues with this.

• "*A photo taken > the asterisk is unnecessary.
• "of SCP-XXXX before specimen" > state "the specimen" or just "it"
• "was taken from ██████ and sent to site ██."" > Site names need to be capitalized, and have hyphens. Site-XX.
• Also, according to this: https://www.flickr.com/photos/34192984@N04/19183269033 that's a taxidermied mouse.
• SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a 12x12 inch mouse cage. > Inches are not metric. The Foundation, as a scientific organization, only uses metric.
• Cage must > the cage.
• have a record player made from 1883-1927 playing classical music made during 1883-1927. > how would you fit this into the cage? Also, why does it need a record player at all? Why not just have a modern music player play old music?
• SCP-XXXX is to be held with rubber gloves, > handled, not just held
• and is to be AT ALL TIMES outfitted > don't use bold or all caps for emphasis.
• In a top hat, black shoes and monocle. > no need to capitalize in the middle of the sentence, and I don't see why this is required.
• SCP-XXXX Is > unnecessary capitalization
• a small white grey mouse > the crossout doesn't really have a narrative purpose and looks sloppy.
• wearing a top hat, a monocle on it's right eye, > only use it's when you mean "it is" or "it has". Also, one usually wears a monocle over their eye, not on it, I think?
• and black polished shoes. SCP-XXXX was discovered during 1886 in ██████, ██. > avoid dropping history before it's established what this thing is and does. Furthermore, if you're going to black that out, it doesn't really tell the author much.
• SCP-XXXX has a "area of effect" > "an area"
• (some of the perfessors are calling it the old timy zone) > professors, and this sentence just seems too casual to include. It also doesn't really matter for a professional document. Take it out. Also, "old-timey".
• that causes recording technology of any kind to record in black and white, audio for recordings have light popping and starching sounds > missing an "and", though this entire sentence could be reworded for clarity.

The rest of the article is similarly problematic with regards to unprofessional writing. The part about the balloon comes out of nowhere and seems to be due to the image rather than providing a coherent story. The effect itself seems kind of… bland, in all honesty. It's cute how a mouse will reality-bend things into the kind of time period its outfit comes from, but that's pretty much it, and I wonder why the Foundation doesn't just keep it lightly sedated to prevent too much reality bending happening.

I do feel like there's a small seed of a good article here from the quirkiness and the image, but the writing will need a ton of work before it'll stand a chance on the site. I'm also not sure why this is Keter. All you need is some sedative and rodent food.