SCP Foundation

SCP-XXXX is to be disguised as private property belonging to [Blackboxes].

So I see you're going to use the black boxes here. That's fine. There's a way to do it with the num-pad or you can simply copy and paste this: █.

Eight (8)

Before we move on let's discuss this numbering style. The most common, if not only, place you will see this is on pill prescriptions. To use this style in almost any other context is a little bit silly. I recommend just sticking to using the numbers.

Eight (8) armed guards disguised as federal guards are to be stationed on the fence blocking SCP-XXXX off.

Why would federal guards be guarding private property? I don't really think the number of guards needs to be stated. SCPs are automatically placed under both guard and surveillance as soon as they are found. If you want to mention the guards, remember that they should fit with the cover story being used. For example, an SCP disguised as a national guard station isn't going to be defended by guards posing as NYPD officers.

The weaponry used should be loaded with blanks.

Why? This makes the guards completely helpless in the case of armed intrusion into this SCP. I understand that perhaps you're trying to have the Foundation just scare people away but this isn't the way to do it. The Foundation isn't going to have its guards shoot everything that moves, such as a wayward hiker, but it also isn't going to have guards that are completely helpless against, say an enemy GOI. I recommend just removing this and relying on the reader's assumption that SCP guards are trained professionals who would interact with civilians just a hair sterner than actual private property guards would.

SCP-XXXX is a fenced-off area of land approximately 300 meters in length. What is within SCP-XXXX is unknown due to its anomalous properties.

This initial line could use some work. First off, since you only provide the length, I can't really imagine how these 300 meters are used. Is it a perfect circle? A square? A rectangle? I also don't know what it looks like from the outside. Sure you can say that what's actually inside is unknown but it has to look like something from the outside. Looking in, does this look like a patch of grass? A path? Does it change depending on which direction it's looked at from?

Information like this helps readers form an image in their minds. Even though the appearance changes inside, many readers would like to know what it looked like before they went inside.

When any person(s) enter SCP-XXXX from any area not designated “the front”, they will have entered SCP-XXXX-1.

I notice you use this 'person(s)' styling a lot. I would advise against it since it puts you in an awkward situation whenever people read it both ways and read "when any person enter" at least once. I would recommend just sticking to 'individual.' I don't personally feel as though people will be snagged on asking what happens if multiple people go in, especially since much of your article is focused on one person expeditions.

SCP-XXXX-1 is an area of unknown distance, possibly being infinite. It is a heavily forested area, similar to a rainforest. Differences include an absence of both animals and fruit, along with a potentially anomalous effect that causes those within to have a feeling of unease.

I don't personally understand this concern with the front and back thing you've got going on. The main meat of your article seems to be focused on the correct entrance and the entities that inhabit it so this part, especially considering how short it is, just feels like unnecessary filler. I would recommend getting rid of the front-back aspects, as well as SCP-XXXX-1 unless you plan on giving them the same amount of attention as you've given the others.

SCP-XXXX-2 is a pathway approximately one (1) kilometer in length. Any vehicles used for transportation brought into SCP-XXXX-2 inevitably break down within the first ten (10) meters. When the person(s) that have entered SCP-XXXX-2 move on the path, they will suffer lacerations on the arms, legs, lower torso. When person(s) are approximately five hundred (500) meters down the path, lacerations will start forming internally. Approximately eight hundred (800) meters down the path, lacerations will start appearing on important organs and parts of the body, such as the neck, heart, and brain. SCP-XXXX-3 appears on the path, walking down it. If the person(s) manage to survive the full kilometer, they will have reached SCP-XXXX-4.

This chunk is a good example of a parentheses overdose. If you imagine every set as a sort of 'hiccup' or 'speedbump' in the reading, I think you'll understand where I come from when I say it's best to avoid them. In regards to the actual content, I can't say I'm a fan.

I'm fairly certain any laceration that occurs inside the body is pretty severe already. But beyond that, I'm not sure I approve of an SCP that just slowly kills you as you move inside it. To me personally, it appeared as though you wanted SCP-XXXX-3 to take the stage since you dedicate the only addendum to them and hint at data corrupting abilities on their part. However, I feel as though you added this to set up for SCP-XXXX-4, which provides an object of desire. If you want to keep this harmful aspect, I recommend elaborating on how desirable the end prize is. For example, someone might desire simply a new iPad and won't be willing to suffer internal lacerations to get it, while a prize being an elixir of eternal life or something definitely would motivate someone to brave severe lacerations to their brain and organs. And even then, I would tone down the damage since internal bleeding really isn't something the human body can take a lot of.

SCP-XXXX-3 are deformed humanoids who move down SCP-XXXX-2, appearing seemingly out of nowhere. If the person(s) take any instance of SCP-XXXX-3 with them, SCP-XXXX-2’s effects are lessened. If approximately three (3) instances of SCP-XXXX-3 with them, they will not be affected by SCP-XXXX-2’s effect, but eventually appear within SCP-XXXX-1, where [DATA REDACTED].

So generally this site uses [REDACTED] or [DATA EXPUNGED]. They're not interchangeable with one another necessarily, but I would recommend against combining them. In this case I recommend [REDACTED]. "Seemingly out of nowhere" does not have clinical tone. Remember, a scientist will try to describe any phenomenon to the best of their abilities. In this case, you could state that they materialize out of the subject's view(which would give the appearance of appearing out of nowhere), or they materialize in view. Depending on where you want them appearing, you can play around with tone.

As far as deformed humanoids go, I don't feel as though this is enough to create an image. How are they deformed? Do they have hunchbacks? Tentacle arms? Something else? I recommend providing a brief description, enough to provide an image but not too much to resemble fantasy novel description. For example, "SCP-XXXX-3 instances are humanoid entities with skin resembling tree bark and multiple forms of vegetation protruding from opening along its surface." This description doesn't necessarily apply to yours but I recommend something of this length for now. Readers also would like to know how these entities behave before the conversation. Simply mentioning that they are conversational and seemingly amiable in nature could do the job.

SCP-XXXX-4 is a defunct factory of unknown height and size.

Factories are pretty big universally. I would just say that SCP-XXXX-4 is a defunct factory if you decide to keep it in.

Within SCP-XXXX-4 is an item, usually of desire to the person(s)

Again, there are varying levels of desire.

Upon removing the item and keeping it, the person(s) who keep it will appear within SCP-XXXX-1, where SCP-XXXX-3 will swarm them and [DATA REDACTED].

So after enduring severe, life-threatening injuries to get something they desire, people are just killed anyway? I can't say I like this. The story was more interesting when it felt like a 'trial' or test of will than as a bait-and-switch by these hitch-hiker creatures. I would recommend reconsidering this aspect of your SCP as it really didn't work for me.

If the person(s) do not keep SCP-XXXX-4’s item, they will appear outside SCP-XXXX with no memory of their journey.

Do the wounds disappear too? If not, this is going to be a very panicked and confused person with life-threatening injuries.

Interviewer: D-14287, assisted by Dr. [Blackboxes]

How is Dr. Blackboxes assisting? He doesn't appear in the log so I can only imagine that there's radio communication. If this is the case, I recommend mentioning that radio communication is still possible in the description, even though reality changes inside the fenced area.

It nudges D-14287, attempting to elicit a reaction.

I personally would avoid these dialogue interruptions. They tend to break the flow of conversation(imagine two people in a conversation suddenly stopping in the middle of talking for the amount of time it takes to read this) and contribute less than they take. I can tell you that the interruptions you have in your log really don't contribute much to the dialogue at all and I believe they can be safely removed. If you want to keep them, make them very very brief, detached and in italics.

You sigh, muttering to youself about how all this tehcnological malfunction will be the bane of you.

Yourself and technological are spelled wrong. I recommend going through your piece to catch simple SPaG errors as they arise.

This refers to everything beyond [DATA CORRUPTED] It seems like this isn't an SCP article at all, but rather an SCP article and part of a tale all rolled into one. I would strongly recommend against adding in pure narration into this. Generally, SCP articles are meant to serve as vehicles of story-telling within the confines of a very specific, technical format. They are not meant to accompany common story-telling that's found in tales. I would recommend removing this section entirely, making the article the best it can be, and then making a tale using it later. Attempting to do both at the same time is…risky.