Subject must be kept in a standard issue lock-box, with the combination to unlock the box being █████.
You should always refer to an SCP as it's designation, the term is 'safe' not lock-box, and you shouldn't redact anything in the containment procedures. Just say:
SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a standard issue safe and removed only for testing.
Much better.
Any unauthorized contact with SCP-5253 will result in the employee being reprimanded and possible demotion depending on the severity of contact.
I would just say:
Unauthorized contact with SCP-XXXX will be severely punished.
It's more concise, and yet threatening.
that has no distinguishing marks
I would just say: "with no distinguishing marks"
It is completely empty until activation
What, like always? What happens if you put something in? I know it won't give you back time, but that seems badly worded. Maybe "it appears empty until activation" would work better.
The type of currency is USD, and the money will be given in cash.
This seems badly phrased and unclinical. I might say:
"The amount requested will appear in US dollars, typically in the manner that results in the least amount of bills. Additionally, SCP-XXXX is able to hold more money than is feasible for its size."
This affirms that it will always appear in cash while maintaining clinical tone, as well as adding a little bit of weirdness.
string of murders within a
I would say 'deaths' and not 'murders'. As far as the police are concerned, they died of natural causes.
Because of this caveat, SCP-5253 should only be used by D-class personnel.
I would move this up to the containment procedures, something like "During testing, only D-class personnel are permitted to withdraw from SCP-XXXX to avoid anomalous aging."
D-8n73b (male, clean shaven, DOB: ██/██/1984)
D-Class only have numbers in their designation, and you don't need to include those details if not necessary.
Due to the extreme changes that occurred during testing, D-8n73b was released from experimentation and returned to ██████ to finish out his sentence.
Yeah, that's not how the foundation works, especially since returning him to the prison 50 years older than he should've been would raise too many questions. Also, isn't his sentence death?
I like the last test log, but maybe you should say it was only like 2 dollars instead of four cents. Some of the other test logs seems a little redundant - you're practically throwing away D-Class.
Now, the letter thing is ridiculous. Everyone is trying to find out what the fuck happened to their friends in the foundation, and they haven't succeeded yet. Why should dying in a slightly different way matter?
Also, the foundation has funding from every government organization out there, they really don't need a bunch of cash lying around.
Concept wise, it seems kind of interesting - literally wasting your life for money. It feels a little lacking, and I would reccomend asking the IRC chat. I would help myself, but Im pretty terrible with concepts in general, and it doesn't help that I got like five hours of sleep and have a headache.
