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http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/urbandelayed
please help I've been affected by a cognitohazard that makes me unable to see my own work from an outside perspective, so I need your critiques!
yaboii
I finally realised what this SCP was missing! Yes it's very well written, but you forgot to include a story about its discovery and containment. You didn't write up an exciting story to go with the detailed description of its hunting method. And there's not really much detail on its attempted breaches, other than trying to disguise itself and slip out.
Modern SCP's are just as much about the story as they are about the anomalous entity itself. I'd advise adding a detailed discovery and capture of this SCP and any other instances of it. Maybe go into detail about them being solo or pack hunters? Or following trails left by them, to a nest of eggs, confiscated to breed more of them, in captivity with the captured parents?
Alright I've added a new addenda about some eggs
yaboii
Liking the layout of the page. The SCP is solid. All it needs now, is information on how the first Cephalopod was first found and captured. Good work. I'd recommend getting some additional feedback before posting, but I think it's almost ready to go up on site, with its own page.
Aand, here's a very late review.
Line by line:
SCP-3779 is a member of an anomalous species of amphibious cephalopod, most similar to the white-spotted octopus (Callistoctopus macropus), the main difference being the lack
This doesn't flow right to me, though I can't really say what's wrong with it. This sentence is in general very long, and while not technically a run-on, I think it would benefit from being split up.
as it is constantly camouflaging to match its environment, even when asleep.
I'd remove the bolded part.
SCP-3779 will often suspend itself from walls or ceilings to evade detection through use of its comparatively strong suckers.
Would sound better as:
"Through use of its comparatively strong suckers, SCP-3779 will often suspend itself from walls or ceilings to evade detection."
Also, is there a more scientific term than "suckers?"
with the ability to plan and execute complex plans, and can improvise in the event that its original plan proves nonviable.
This the two underlined uses of "plan" don't sound particularly clinical, and I don't like the repetition of "plan" here.
reacting differently to certain researchers (footnote: specifically Senior Researcher Larange, who has been the administrator of all tests regarding SCP-3779 and SCP-3779-1 to date.)
"Reacts differently, specifically to " doesn't make sense.
However, SCP-3779 does not use this ink to distract or blind, but to incapacitate its prey, displaying anomalous properties once a minimum of 1 ml4 has been ingested by a human subject.
Split this baby up — the underlined and italicized segments carry related, but wholly different meanings.
adhering to it through unknown means
"Adhering" sounds off here.
In the wild, SCP-3779 uses this period to puncture the thin bone in the rear of the ocular cavity using its tongue-like appendage.
Missing a comma after "cavity."
It appears that being human isn't a factor to SCP-3779, but rather it's the sentience of a subject that matters.
Yeah, humans aren't the only animals with synaptic plasticity, and they aren't the only ones able to form connections this thing could attack. They also aren't the only species making memories…
[REDACTED]
I could not actually imagine what went behind these redactions. They failed to have any effect on me. Also, redacting two whole tests? It just seems like you didn't know what went there.
The creation of trillions of self-replicating nanomachines (classified as LETHE-31 nanomachines)
Or… what if you just spray a shit ton of Class-A amnestics into the air? Hasn't that actually been done by the Foundation in other articles, and wouldn't it be a shit ton cheaper and easier?
The science
subjects experience a reversal of synaptic plasticity which accelerates exponentially until the victim has lost all sense of subjective self-identity and non-conceptual memories.
Did you do your research here? I might be missing something (I am absolutely not an expert), but the fifteen or so minutes I spent googling this tell me there is very little actual research on what happens when a patient experiences loss of synaptic plasticity. I also could not find anything about loss of self-identity in relation to synaptic plasticity, though I did find things related to the formation of self identity…
Also considering that synaptic plasticity is the ability of synapses to strengthen or weaken over time, what is meant by reversal? How can you reverse the ability of something to strengthen/weaken?
I tried googling it, but all I got was this which talks about reversing DEFICITS of synaptic plasticity which kind of seems to imply to me that "reversal of synaptic plasticity" isn't a common term?
I mean, I dunno. You could easily be an expert here and I could easily be missing things, but I'd double check that the science makes sense.
catatonic state through the use of an ultra-potent cerebrospinal fluid solution
Again, I couldn't find anything about this online. Is this an actual method that's used? Also, I'd go with "highly potent" rather than "ultra potent."
Overall:
So, this is very competently written, and it's clear you spent a lot of time and effort on it. That being said, I have a couple major issues with it:
I'm responding to this post in part because I feel responsible for the phrase "reversal of synaptic plasticity," and believe that the author could use my counterpoints as feedback. I've emboldened the feedback they can take away from this.
A note to the author: I am not negating any of Ratsy's feedback; all of it is good. I am just providing counterpoints which you would do well to either emphasize or incorporate.
There's a lot to change, but that's what's needed for this to reach its full potential.
Alright, so. I'm really afraid I'll have to disagree with a lot of what you're saying saying here. Honestly, I'm not 100% the draft thread is the best place for all of this, so I'm going to try to just stick to the things directly relevant to the draft that the OP can benefit from.
I think I was the one who came up with "reversal of synaptic plasticity" here – I used it in the discussion thread for their idea. It was just the best thing I came up with at the time to describe the phenomenon of losing memories as you think of them.
Just, uh. This is not a very good way to approach science in SCPs at all. This should have been, at the very least, googled along the way. Because really, if you take the draft and replace "synaptic plasticity" with "the ability of synapses to strengthen or weaken over time" it'll just stop making sense. Which, obviously, isn't good.
That it can be explained does not discount it from being anomalous because, it predating humans makes it anomalous. Society would be, at best, uncomfortable with the notion that there are things actively hunting us;
No? An anomaly is something that cannot be explained by modern science, not something scary or that which makes people uncomfortable. Something hunting humans doesn't make it anomalous. If something hunts us and can be explained by modern science just fine, it's not an anomaly.
In PMs, I suggested to the writer that they should try to cut down on the amount of science they include. Not only is this science, upon closer examination, very iffy, but it also make this seem like a non-anomalous predator with an odd poison. I stick by that advice.
The Mnemosyne Protocol is justified, because it does what few amnestics can do: target specific memories. Your proposed use of Class-A would involve the wholesale erasure of the last 24 hours – equivalent to a mini-2000 in the scope of effect – whereas this, though much more costly in production, could save the Foundation a headache in the future.
This is what I disagree with the most here. It is still 100% more practical for the Foundation to erase the last 24 hours for whole population than to spend hundreds of billions of dollars building trillions of self replicating nanomachines. And it it's not, the Foundation is far, far too powerful for my tastes.
Like… self-replicating nanomachines aren't a thing in the real world. That's alright, though, I'd buy the Foundation can build some at extreme costs if it's necessary to serve the plot. The fact that these machines can not only perform extremely difficult medical tasks impossible in the real world, and that there's enough of them to literally simultaneously perform these very complex tasks on the whole world or even just a large city? No way, man. That's just so insanely powerful it's boring.
This should be made less OP; for example, this could be a long-term project rather than one readily available now.
That's already how it is in the draft. If anything, I would suggest scrapping the insane nanotech entirely and focusing on smaller scale uses — perhaps it can be used to make a small amount of affected individuals forget a single anomaly and only a single anomaly, for instance.
I agree that something predating humanity, doesn't make it anomalous. By that logic, Dinosaurs are anomalous creatures. Now a modern day T-Rex would be an anomaly, cause they went extinct. But their fossils existing, doesn't make them anomalous. Or was that meant to be predatory? Like preying on humans, cause animals do that, if they're hungry and they can get away with it.
I agree with the idea of keeping the use of the memory wipe to a smaller scale. Perhaps it's able to flush specific memories of specific SCP's from the minds of people. Thereby curing them of the anomalous effects of certain memetic and infohazardous SCP's. I could see this being used on victims of SCP-2662, that are detained after trying to break it out.
If the big memory wipe project wanted to be kept. It should probably be mentioned as a hypothetical project, and that nanomachines are still not nearly small enough or smart enough to perform these kind of tasks yet. Or that the Foundation cannot produce this sort of technology yet, but will likely start seeing progress towards this goal in about twenty years. And that's before they can even begin to manufacture them. Of course nanomachines for me, have always been one of those sci-fi technologies that run huge risks. Like Grey Goo scenarios or someone using them to compel a person to commit horrible actions. Controlling their brain or limbs. Hell nanomachines being used to poison or kill someone would likely mean groups would be focused on keeping these things, out of their bodies. Despite all the potential benefits. So the proposal being shot down, I would be fine with too.
