Okay, here we go. Sorry it took me so long to get to this; Sunday is normally chores day for me. This is a quick read since I'm clearing up backlogged unanswered threads. These are my thoughts:
First off… initial impression is that it seems a little sloppy. The rating module coding is incorrectly used—I believe you're not supposed to have line spaces in between the three bracketed code bits. The image caption doesn't capitalize Site correctly, and the phrasing makes it seem like the photo is the thing being transferred.
The containment is kind of unwieldy:
- Why an immovable tank? Wouldn't that be ridiculously hard to build? Why not just note "the tank is to be well-secured in place and not to be moved?"
- "water source" can be anything from a water bottle to a fire hose. Might want to specify some sort of standardization here, or just note the thing is to be supplied with [however much quantity of water]
- If contact with this thing is prohibited, why is it just in a tank? There's no mention of a containment chamber or any security restrictions to access.
- Class-D Personnel and SCP-XXXX-P. > why are people affected by the anomaly allowed to handle this thing, especially if it seems to mess with them a lot? Why is anyone? Why not have a robot do the moving? Why not have the thing be kept in a case in a little remote-controlled car or something if it needs to be moved?
- also, no need for hyphen in "two weeks"
So far as the concept goes… it's pretty bland.
After the initial confusion, psychosis and suicide are the most common end results for those that have touched or moved SCP-XXXX.
This made me lose interest in reading. So you know, the "it makes you crazy until dead" approach isn't particularly interesting on its own anymore, given how many times SCPs with that effect have been written. Take a look at the articles tagged with "compulsion". Furthermore, the SCP's effect forcing someone to do something tends to be a bit of a lame narrative, since things are more interesting if there's a struggle involved, and/or if the people instead do terrible things of their own volition. Consider reading through the further discussion on the narrative issues of compulsion and addiction effects.
There's also several small hiccups in the writing:
SCP-XXXX appears to be an orange and white shell.
Is it actually a shell? If it is, say it is. "Appears" tends to imply it's not actually the thing it looks like it is.
Previously thought to be uninhabited, SCP-XXXX has left faecal traces on personnel and in its tank.
This is kind of boring and I wonder why the containment procedures don't mention needing to clean up after this. Fecal matter buildup can lead to infections. Also, doesn't the Foundation have X-ray technology or the like they can use to run scans of this thing?
[DATA EXPUNGED] had claimed to have seen a claw coming from the shell, because of this it is to be given a supply of oxygen, water and sustenance until further notice.
…why is the second part not in the containment procedures? Also, the expungment here is sloppy. Who claimed this and why did their name need to be expunged? -I recommend reading over this guide on interesting expungment.
As it is, this is kind of a generic magic object formula thing, with extra danger tacked on for no real narrative reason. How is a shell related to memory loss anyway? It seems too random.
All that said… I think this needs to be run through the Ideas and Brainstorming forum before you try working on the draft. There's a lot of other issues that I haven't covered with this, but trying to fix those before the idea would just waste your time.
