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I need help. I made a top secret SCP called 'The Bomb' made by The Church of the Broken god to destroy the world if they cant rebuild The Broken God. The SCP is a giant bomb that was put into orbit to crash land on the moon to make the bomb more undetectable. Now I need some help to find out if anything is wrong with it. I recommend reading the draft for more information but just ask if you do.
Okay so I re-read the original draft. I read over the comment section of your SCP and after some careful consideration, I think you need to start from scratch. As a lot of people in the comments pointed out, it doesn't really fit the Church of the Broken God's goals. Plus the idea that they could build this thing, get it off the planet and not attract attention from all the other countries, anomalous factions and non-anomalous organisations etc.
I am going to suggest two alternative routes to take your SCP.
1. The thinking Bomb - Why not have the bomb be a literal smart bomb? A bomb that has a mind of its own, and can self-terminate whenever it wishes? It chooses not to, as despite its original intent, the bomb enjoys living and doesn't want to detonate and end its own existence. The bomb is a clockwork entity though, so it can't just be copied or moved onto a new device and its body safely disarmed. As trying to disarm it, would involve killing it. So the Foundation is working to keep it form falling into a depression, while they figure out how to disarm it, without killing it. It's made up of hundreds of thousands of small parts, keeping it working is a top priority. Replacing a part, actually causes it to lose some of its cognitive ability. The current plan would then be to slowly remove all its parts and reassemble it. Without the bomb components. Due to the level of detail and number of parts, it's an exceedingly slow process. One piece could be slightly off, and jam it, almost causing the bomb to go off.
2. The Inter-dimensional extinction device - The bomb this time, is delivered into the world via unknown means. It's planted with a counter, the counter slowly decreases as the fuel inside it runs out, fortunately the Foundation found it first. And have been fuelling it to prevent global destruction. The creators realise what has happened, and have been trying to set it off ever since. Requiring a constant guard detail and increased efforts to disarm the device. The bomb could be a very old device, more modern, or maybe from a future timeline.
I like the ideas but I still want to make it by the church of the broken god but I need a different 'goal' for it. I cannot think of a goal though, but I would like it to be similar to my first plan.
Maybe the bomb isn't just one bomb? But a series of anomalous bomb devices, that are being deployed by the Church to break into facilities that contain SCP's they are interested in acquiring? Perhaps these bombs can have various effects, like.
1. Converting victims into clockwork automatons, that begin to free or capture SCP's?
2. Releasing blasts of gears and other clockwork devices? Which begin to assemble and convert usable material into more clcokwork devices?
3. A bomb that releases a whistle similar to an old steam train? Debilitating or stunning people?
Got a PM about this.
Why do you want to write about the Church of the Broken God? Given the response on your article version of this, it seems like you're not demonstrating that you understand why the GoI does what it does. If you don't understand how it works, you're not going to be able to write about it well.
Also, why do you want to write about a bomb? What about a bomb would make for a good story when mixed with the CotBG?
Ok, change of idea. The Church didn't make it, but rather has interest in it. Here is hat I wrote:
Addendum-3425-1: The Church Of The Broken God has shown significant interest for SCP-3425 since discovery. Parts of SCP-3425 has been dismantled and stolen by The Church, including over 300 Kilograms of the explosive gel, a giant gear and three (3) oxygen tanks. Unfortunately, all raids to retrieve these items have failed. The procedures to stop SCP-3425 has gotten much harder since The Church stole these items.
No, it's… almost worse.
Furthermore, you still haven't answered the questions I asked previously.
At this point, given how many attempts you've made without indicating improvement, it may be better for you to put writing on pause and do some more reading. It doesn't look like you're familiar with what the site expects yet.
No, it's… almost worse.
Maybe I should get rid of anything CotBG related in my SCP.
Also, why do you want to write about a bomb?
Because I thought that a doomsday device that came from another solar system would be an interesting idea. Is there a problem with the idea being the bomb?
Anything else I missed?
Because I thought that a doomsday device that came from another solar system would be an interesting idea.
Okay. But why should the audience think that's interesting? Why would this other solar system have a bomb?
Is there a problem with the idea being the bomb?
We have a fair number of articles about anomalous explosives. Bombs are a little predictable—they exist to go boom and do damage. And we already have a lot of anomalous things that do that, though the damage is often written about in subtler, less-predictable ways. If you use a concept that's too blunt, no one's really going to be impressed to the point where they feel that the experience was enjoyable.
The MS Paint-ish-looking image definitely needs to go, though. It doesn't look professional and that sets a poor first impression.
Why would this other solar system have a bomb?
Well that's a mystery. Maybe ancient civilisations want revenge on earth on something that happened a long time ago? Maybe they are trying to test weapons?
The MS Paint-ish-looking image definitely needs to go, though. It doesn't look professional and that sets a poor first impression.
Yeah. Know that I think of it, it looks p r e t t y bad.
We have a fair number of articles about anomalous explosives.
I don't think it will hurt just to add one more. And can I have some examples on other anomalous explosives so I can get a better understanding?
Well that's a mystery. Maybe ancient civilisations want revenge on earth on something that happened a long time ago? Maybe they are trying to test weapons?
This is kind of generic sci-fi fiction fodder. You'll need to come up with something more unique and less predictable. Again, it's apparently an article about bomb—what else is someone going to do with a bomb?
I don't think it will hurt just to add one more.
Again, you're writing for an audience on this site, not just yourself. You're free to write whatever you like, but if you assume the audience automatically feels the same way you do, it alienates the people who will be deciding whether your stuff stays on the site or not.
And can I have some examples on other anomalous explosives so I can get a better understanding?
This is really something that the author should be able to do on their own. All writers here should be capable of doing their own background research.
That said, you can start off with:
This is kind of generic sci-fi fiction fodder. You'll need to come up with something more unique and less predictable.
Yes, I will change that and make it better soon.
If I were you, I would read my draft to get a better understanding. It may help.
You're free to write whatever you like, but if you assume the audience automatically feels the same way you do, it alienates the people who will be deciding whether your stuff stays on the site or not.
I get it, but after coming this far with this SCP idea, I want to keep that idea.
If I were you, I would read my draft to get a better understanding. It may help.
If a reviewer is not interested in the concept, why would they be interested in the draft?
I get it, but after coming this far with this SCP idea, I want to keep that idea.
I personally don't think it's a good idea to cling to a problematic concept just because you spent a lot of time trying to make it work, and given how many times it's already done poorly on the mainsite, it makes me as a reviewer hesitant to want to keep helping because you seem to be repeatedly ignoring the feedback everyone has given you.
I have to agree with Zyn, it's probably best if you just scrap this concept. Unless you're willing to change the basic concept it's probably going to keep getting downvoted as it really doesn't fit with the Church. Sometimes an idea we really love, doesn't pan out. That's okay though, you don't get disheartened. You learn from this experience and you try something else.
If my SCP is really that bad, then OK, I'll get rid of all that work. But there is just one thing about Proffeser_JD's post.
probably going to keep getting downvoted as it really doesn't fit with the Church.
You said it's probably best if you just scrap this concept, unless you're willing to change the basic concept about the Church. But I already said that I was going to get rid of that idea?
Should I start from the beginning?
I think it would be best to start over with the bomb. It seems to be needlessly complicated and convoluted, with the weird gel and the chemicals involved. Plus having the bomb located on the moon etc.
I think it would be best if you rewrote the bomb SCP entirely. Think about the possible motivations for building the bomb. Then examine the bomb SCP,s that are linked, and similarly destructive pieces of technology like SCP-2399. Now making it less complex doesn't mean it can't be dangerous or hard to contain and prevent exploding.You could have your SCP damaged by another GoI trying to destroy it, who only went and made it worse, like the GoC or if you really want to include them, the Church of the Broken God.
The damage means it's on like a ticking clock, with the Foundation working to defuse or destroy it, before it detonates. But that would be very similar to SCP-2700, and would probably require a very good story/narrative to make this SCP stand out. One angle I could recommend is going with a biological bomb of some sort. There are plenty of examples in nature of creatures exploding and killing themselves as a form of defence, like Kamikaze termites. A bomb like this would be harder to predict when it explodes or worse it can regenerate to explode again? Requiring that it's kept in some form of cold/sub-zero temperature to slow down or halt this process.
I hope these thoughts on your bomb SCP help. The concept has been done well a few times already. And there's not much else I can do for you at this point.
I think should change the idea completely. I now think that a bomb idea will be predictable and not unique, that's why I've started a new one.
