SCP Foundation

DISCLAIMER: I will not catch all tone/SPaG issues. Just the ones that jump out at me.

to prevent from being walked over or disturbed

I believe you missed an "it" after "to prevent".

It is expected that SCP-XXXX kills individuals who pass through it to gain nutrients, allowing the body to naturally decompose into the soil.

For some reason this sentence reads clumsily to me, but I can't put my finger on why.

Ok, so I like the base concept. I think presenting living barbed wire in a historical setting can give you a lot of of opportunities for some cool war stories. Unfortunately your draft right now falters in execution in a few areas.

First of all your description goes into immense detail about the mechanics of exactly how the living wire operates. I think you can probably find a way to summarize a lot of these points, or cut out information entirely, since I think its not all necessary to the story being told. Also, leaving out information about the barbed wire killing people for nutrients allows you to show us that information through the addenda, instead of just straight up telling us.

Secondly, I felt that your third addendum did not provide the appropriate escalation that this article needed for its climax. I like the first two addendum, because they showed me what was going on in a somewhat erie way. But the third one seemed to just be "The wire moved up and we bombarded it by accident", which did not feel like a satisfying ending. I felt that the erie feeling that was created in the first two addenda was not expanded or capitalized on, and thus the article had no real climax. Unfortunately, I don't have any real suggestion on how to fix this. Maybe brainstorming about the ending in chat might be beneficial.

So in summary - shorten your description, and find a way to amp up the tension to strengthen your climax.

Note: I correct the given mistake only once. If you do not use the metric system, I will only make a single comment about it, even if it appears again in the rest of the article. If the draft has many language problems, I will only correct the most glaring ones.

The object is observed to reside in battlefields notorious for high casualties, presumably due to the lack of competing vegetation and abundance of edible material.

Don't say 'the object' or 'the subject'. Designate it 'SCP-XXXX' or 'it'.

Are these you're men?

Your*

I would usually say that the object in and of itself isn't interesting enough to carry it, but the context and time period make it interesting nonetheless.

I want to repeat ratsy's sentiment though:

I'm not entirely sure what can be done to fix that. I'd have liked to see more Foundation involvement, perhaps? I mean, 1916!Foundation would definitely be interesting, and may have a different approach to anomalies than we're used to. Or, alternatively, there might be a side/implication to the anomaly we haven't seen yet?

It just ending then and there seems too sudden, and Foundation intervention in that specific time period sounds very interesting if we explore it more. I recommend adding more to it from their perspective.

Quick note, I didn't get much sleep last night and I've had a bit of a day, so apologies if I make stupid mistakes or if I miss something obvious.

So, I'm not 100% sure about the teletype. I do like it, but it is a little hard to read. I think its a little easier to read if you bold it as well, like this, but that's mainly personal preference.

Populations of SCP-XXXX are especially established in areas where barbed-wire has already been installed

You've got a hyphen in your barbed wire here but nowhere else.

This is recognised to occur through slow contractions of the wire, presumably due to magnetic properties, allowing SCP-XXXX to tighten and shift in position over time, however is incapable of long-range movement or travel.

This has one spelling error, you're missing an 'it', and it's a bit of a run on sentence. I would replace it with:

This is recognized to occur through slow contractions of the wire, presumably due to magnetic properties, allowing SCP-XXXX to tighten and shift in position over time. However, recorded speeds have not exceeded 1 mile per hour, making traveling a significant distance impractical.

That sounds more like something a human would write.

This method is similar in procedure to devices such as snare traps, and will constrict individuals to the point at which they expire from exposure or bloodloss.

I might replace that with:

, using a method similar to snare traps, constraining its victims until they die of exposure or blood loss.

It's a little less formal, but I think that's more appropriate for the situation.

SCP-XXXX will focus to target individuals who are already wounded or unable to resist

I might change that to:

SCP-XXXX appears to target those who are physically unfit, wounded, or alone as prey,

Flows better and fixes a minor grammar error.

Report to confirm loss

I would say reporting to confirm the loss.

Vehicle found without crew. Abandoned 200 yards behind advanced trenchline, deemed unrecoverable due to the amount of barbed wire enmeshed around it.

I would merge the first to sentences with a comma, get rid of the second comma and replace it with an 'and'. Alternatively, you could just get rid of the first comma. Either will do just fine.

Cause of breakdown due to

Cause of breakdown appears to be.

Most extreme case so far reported. German wire must be stronger than our own.

The last bit seems more than a little at odds with the rest of the report, I would get rid of it.

Okay, I'm going to skip the rest of this report because it is missing lots of 'the' s and 'it' s. It looks intentional, but I'm just going to say that it really doesn't work out. You should fix it.

Okay, so for the last report, it looks like you're trying to make them 'doomed to die'. It really doesn't work, mainly because you just can't perceive the barbed wire as an immediate threat, not when it moves so slowly. I think it might work better if you had another back and forth round of messages, where enemy troops move to cover the area. The barbed wire keeps on encroaching, and finally the entrenched soldiers are forced to run right into enemy fire to escape it. I think that might work better - the barbed wire chasing them into a more immediate threat. Just an opinion though. I'm really not great at concepts anyway.