The Devil in the Details
The Devil in the Details
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» The Devil in the Details
Summary:
First draft, feedback welcome!
Uh… so to be completely honest, this feels pretty shakily-thrown-together. The description doesn't even establish what this thing's primary anomaly actually is, besides maybe the surface being hot enough to boil water. You jump right into the "summoning events" without telling the reader what this box is capable of.
I vaguely remember someone telling you to maybe get your concepts checked before writing drafts? Have you tried the Ideas and Brainstorming forum? That might help you get on the right track when drafting, since at this point, I just feel too confused at the beginning to enjoy this as a read. Also, why is it Safe class? It's a really hot box, sure, but it's not actively trying to run away, is it? Also, the last paragraph of your containment isn't actually a containment procedures. Also, keeping this thing in a steel box doesn't really make sense, given that there are plenty of fire-retardant materials that are less likely to heat up the way steel does.
Uh… so to be completely honest, this feels pretty shakily-thrown-together. The description doesn't even establish what this thing's primary anomaly actually is, besides maybe the surface being hot enough to boil water. You jump right into the "summoning events" without telling the reader what this box is capable of.
The box is a container, its only anomalous property is the heat it exudes - which is in the description. The contents of the box, which have their own designation, have further anomalous properties - namely that they initiate a summoning event, as described in the containment procedures.
I vaguely remember someone telling you to maybe get your concepts checked before writing drafts? Have you tried the Ideas and Brainstorming forum? That might help you get on the right track when drafting, since at this point, I just feel too confused at the beginning to enjoy this as a read. Also, why is it Safe class? It's a really hot box, sure, but it's not actively trying to run away, is it?
What other object class would you suggest for a box with a relatively low danger threshold that poses no threat when left alone? The box is not a sentient creature, it has simple containment requirements, and aside from requiring PPE when handling, is generally not a threat.
Also, the last paragraph of your containment isn't actually a containment procedures.
Noted, I added that as an afterthought and placed it in the wrong category.
Also, keeping this thing in a steel box doesn't really make sense, given that there are plenty of fire-retardant materials that are less likely to heat up the way steel does.
The steel box is a protective covering for the aerogel insert, which is the thermal insulator for the SCP. Aerogel, while excellent at insulating, is pretty fragile and easily damaged - thus reducing its protective ability. Inspection of the insert is also included in the containment procedures. In the context of the containment procedures, a person familiar with aerogel knows that it is easily damaged and a steel covering for it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary, where as a person unfamiliar would (ideally) see it as flavor text.
It is a first draft, and I plan at least another re-write to work on better formatting and a few thematic changes, but overall I don't fully understand your take on it. I don't think that most of the criticisms you've given it are warranted, as I have indicated above. I do appreciate the feedback and will definitely take into consideration some of the things you've pointed out.
The contents of the box, which have their own designation, have further anomalous properties
Why isn't an explanation of these properties in the description?
What other object class would you suggest for a box with a relatively low danger threshold that poses no threat when left alone?
My bad, typoed my earlier sentence. Should have been "Also, why isn't it Safe class?" Right now, you have it as Euclid (neutralized).
Aerogel, while excellent at insulating, is pretty fragile and easily damaged - thus reducing its protective ability.
According to the internet, flexibility depends on the type? Are you going polymer, silica, metal oxide, carbon, composite, etc? Also, apparently Airloy is a thing.
It is a first draft, and I plan at least another re-write to work on better formatting and a few thematic changes
Did you get the concept checked first, to ensure that readers here would be interested in this, and what specifically they would need to see covered to upvote the eventual draft? "Deals with the Devil" are a pretty common trope used here.
but overall I don't fully understand your take on it.
Probably because you as the author and I as the reader have fundamentally different perspectives of this. An author is inherently invested in their work; the reader has to be convinced to care about it. I personally didn't really enjoy the read because it seems like the bulk of the basic descriptive information is hidden away in the addenda, and the reader has to pick through a 2000+ word slightly-confusingly-formatted series of logs involving Researcher Caulfield (who, admittedly, seems kind of unlikable and makes me disinclined to read more about them) just to figure out the secondary anomaly of this.
> What other object class would you suggest for a box with a relatively low danger threshold that poses no threat when left alone?
My bad, typoed my earlier sentence. Should have been "Also, why isn't it Safe class?" Right now, you have it as Euclid (neutralized).
You are correct. Safe would be the correct designation, I seem to have changed this at some point for some reason. *boggle
> Aerogel, while excellent at insulating, is pretty fragile and easily damaged - thus reducing its protective ability.
According to the internet, flexibility depends on the type? Are you going polymer, silica, metal oxide, carbon, composite, etc? Also, apparently Airloy is a thing.
This is why you get magic items and bestiary entries.
> It is a first draft, and I plan at least another re-write to work on better formatting and a few thematic changes
Did you get the concept checked first, to ensure that readers here would be interested in this, and what specifically they would need to see covered to upvote the eventual draft? "Deals with the Devil" are a pretty common trope used here.
It's all tropes. By series 4, most basic ideas are covered rather extensively. I'm trying to do an original take on story telling with a common fantasy topic and what I'm getting is we'd rather just have a list of insanely complex, abstract concepts with titles like 'Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooey.'
> but overall I don't fully understand your take on it.
Probably because you as the author and I as the reader have fundamentally different perspectives of this. An author is inherently invested in their work; the reader has to be convinced to care about it. I personally didn't really enjoy the read because it seems like the bulk of the basic descriptive information is hidden away in the addenda, and the reader has to pick through a 2000+ word slightly-confusingly-formatted series of logs involving Researcher Caulfield (who, admittedly, seems kind of unlikable and makes me disinclined to read more about them) just to figure out the secondary anomaly of this.
Honestly, it feels like you didn't read the story, or at the very least didn't understand it. You're not meant to like Researcher Caulfield - he's an impulsive asshole. If all characters in fiction were meant to be liked, you would have very boring fiction. Also, there are articles on this site that are thousands of words long and full of 'infohazard' and 'cognitohazard' warnings throughout - they make no sense to the reader and they aren't supposed to. Additionally, using addenda to tell a story seems to be fairly common and labeling it 'hiding details' seems fairly reductive.
As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn
Contrary to the number of complaints I see regarding tropes, abstract 'deus ex machina' type plot devices, and item lists in SCPs, it seems that is exactly what people want.
Honestly, it feels like you didn't read the story, or at the very least didn't understand it.
I didn't read most of this. I hit my downvote moment before I got halfway through the addenda.
You're not meant to like Researcher Caulfield - he's an impulsive asshole.
Okay. Why should I as a reader want to finish the read about this asshole?
Additionally, using addenda to tell a story seems to be fairly common and labeling it 'hiding details' seems fairly reductive.
It's one thing to use addenda to tell a story, it's another to put material that should be covered in the description into a collapsed addendum.
Contrary to the number of complaints I see regarding tropes, abstract 'deus ex machina' type plot devices, and item lists in SCPs, it seems that is exactly what people want.
If you're confident that you know what people want, then I'll step back here and let you post to this mainsite. I personally don't think it'll do well, but I am always welcome to articles doing well even if I don't like them.
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page revision: 7, last edited: 17 Nov 2020 06:16
