SCP Draft.
SCP Draft.
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» SCP Draft.
Summary:
Hello,guys! That is my new SCP draft. Constructive critiques are always accepted.
Some advice (2 is an idea and 3 is just my opinion).
1.Try to keep in mind that you are writing from the perspective of a scientist that doesn't just know things about the SCP without experiments. How does the scientist know SCP-xxxx B has memories and a personality of its' own? Make and addendum or a log. Could it somehow communicate? Does it not attack certain people that were close to it?
2.You could write being frozen as its' official weakness. You said it can be contained if the temperature is kept low enough, so maybe the SCP itself is weak to cold.
3."The cell should be locked at all times in order to prevent any unauthorized entry into the cell. The cell"
Maybe replace "the cell" at the end of the first sentence with "it", and in the next sentence say "It should also" or something like that because it is kind of repetitive.
It does seem like an interesting idea though. I would read it.
Noting that the feedback above is misleading. Explanations to follow.
How does the scientist know SCP-xxxx B has memories and a personality of its' own? Make and addendum or a log.
There's no need to put in an addendum or log explaining all of the details of how the Foundation figured things out. It's important that the information in the description could be obtained through empirical observation, but there's no need at all to describe all of that observation. The audience might get bored.
Could it somehow communicate? Does it not attack certain people that were close to it?
How does this relate to your previous point and why is this information necessary for the article?
2.You could write being frozen as its' official weakness.
The "give it a weakness" narrative approach tends not to go well, especially if it leads the author to think about their article as just a video game/D&D boss description rather than a piece of flash fiction with a coherent story/development.
3."The cell should be locked at all times in order to prevent any unauthorized entry into the cell. The cell"
Maybe replace "the cell" at the end of the first sentence with "it", and in the next sentence say "It should also" or something like that because it is kind of repetitive.
Might be better to combine it. "The cell should be locked at all times to prevent unauthorized entry, and…" Although the reader shouldn't really need to be told why the Foundation has a lock. One can assume it's for a good reason.
It does seem like an interesting idea though. I would read it.
What exactly about it is interesting? Would you upvote it, not just read it (you should have already read it at the end of a review)?
So,do you have any good tips on how to improve my SCP?
Did you get this concept checked in the ideas and brainstorming forum, as suggested a few times to you?
I'm still working on a text that makes my ideas clear and easy to understand. My last concept was completely ridiculous and not at all clear. I'm trying to do something better this time.
As I believe you've been told before, instead of replying to your own comments, please edit your previous post using the "edit" function under the "options" tab to the lower right of every comment. That prevents spam buildup, and it's in the rules.
My last concept was completely ridiculous and not at all clear. I'm trying to do something better this time.
Make sure to ask about the concept before starting a draft. I'll ask a member of the forum criticism team to take a look momentarily.
/forum/t-5713861/scp-draft#post-
page revision: 7, last edited: 17 Nov 2020 06:16
