Pardon me, first time on the forum. Like I said, I'm definitely not an expert. But note that I said "for a first draft." The idea of something that only activates in the light is interesting, at least to me, but the thing needs more revision. By "breaking up," I don't mean making separate sentences— I meant with punctuation just as you gave an example for. Also, I said "Just add some interesting things like tests and addendums…" as in, not that adding those things in themselves would be interesting, but that adding more interesting content, which might involve adding that sort of item, would help spruce it up to prevent it being so generic by adding more story to it. As for it being a bit of a generic monster, I didn't happen to mention that. My bad, I probably should have. Maybe I'm just not so good at explaining; might be a good idea for me to just shut my trap until I figure that out. :/
And then there's also the (very probable) possibility that I just have no idea at all what I'm talking about. -.- I just thought It'd be nice to give input on it, since no one else had at the time, and I know exactly how it feels to be ignored.
…I'm trash at this aren't I… first day on the job and I'm already causing problems.
*One a side note, hey, you're a good critic. Could I get some help on my draft…?
