SCP Foundation

My big problem is with the containment procedures, specifically this bit about inspectors.

with the exception of food and safety inspectors.

Are you saying the Foundation just let inspectors in? Why? Even if they aren't responding to stimuli they can still be stopped. Why can't the Foundation build a fence or a wall to stop them getting in?

On arrival, ██% immediately have convulsions and are found to have died from histoplasmosis. The remaining ██% begin conversing with an unknown entity and pacing the length of the empty warehouse. After fifteen to twenty minutes, the inspector leaves as if they had performed a satisfactory review.

All of this is description and should be in the description.
I also don't agree with killing the inspectors. Death for the sake of death is overdone by this point, I think the idea of them leaving and giving a satisfactory review is much more interesting.

Personally I find the censoring of every single number in this document highly frustrating, why is this information even restricted? I'm sure you can think of something to put in there.

Why is the whole facility anomalous? The only things here showing anomalous properties are the 3 machines and building C-3. It's not a huge issue, it's just something I find a little strange.

I think you need to really focus on the language of the document. The diction, as some of my old creative writing teachers used to tell me, needs to be more focused and more concrete. For example:

Foundation personnel tasked with containment, research or custodial duties associated with SCP-XXXX are restricted to a diet of fruit, vegetables and nuts only.

I think it would be more effective if you changed the last to "Foundation personnel tasked with containment … are restricted to a vegan diet." In this way, the sentence is clear, simple, and to the point unless there is a specific reason why they need to eat those specific foods.

Also, on that vain of syntax and sentence structure might I suggest instead of: "Daily vitamin supplements will be provided with all meals and are mandatory," that you instead state. "Mandatory daily vitamin supplements will be provided with all meals." Just look at your sentences in this way, as if it is a report, a concise assignment, and it will help.

I'm also not sure if you should explain that they are not to be exposed to any animal dead tissue or animal products in general. Procedures need to be outlined, and not necessarily explained. Personnel need to follow orders. Somewhere in the Description of your document a description of the animal meat and products, and their effects would hit that home more directly.

Might I also suggest that you substitute Port-a-Johns with "portable waste disposal facilities." It makes it sound more technical and clinical, as a Foundation report and document should be. Port-a-Johns sounds too commercial and, honestly, kind of crass.

Also, I would suggest changing "countermeme" to "countermemetic." A countermeme, at least to me, sounds like something you would find on an Internet Forum instead of a scientific paper. A counter-memetic sounds more technical, yet again and in some ways more fearsome too: like an actual weapon or a potentially deadly tool if used by anyone other than an expert.

Just remember nice clipped, clinical, cold, technical language. From what I've seen, Procedures are instructions, and practically commands. Discovery and Description can elaborate further, but they should be very empirical: factual. They are recorded observations of phenomena.

I also agree with rubberchickenzilla in that you need to know when it is appropriate to use redactions
and expunging. Too many redactions can be distracting. When they are used, they are used to censor sensitive information, and they should be — from my understanding — used sparingly and to help actually tell the story. Just some things to think about.

What is it specifically about this SCP that is anomalous? Is it the label that was created by that environmentalist activist anartist group? Is it the miniaturized temporal wormhole? How does the wormhole affect animal meat and animal products not contained or produced specifically within itself? Is the radius of the temporal anomaly large enough to affect all personnel in all the Factory complex? And could this also have adverse affects on plant and organic matter in general? Would it affect personnel physical functions in and of themselves. Humans are meat after all. Something must contain this temporal acceleration effect.

Also, why would this defunct anartist group support a business that potentially caused more harm to the environment with its deficient methods. I assume the chicken in the anomaly was fed chemical-laced and processed sustenance of its own: possibly even the remnants of its predecessors. Who knows what the temporal acceleration can do to chemical processes in general, never mind artificial preservatives.

And statements like "The mulched material is somehow fed into the soil" do not sound like something you would put into a scientific document. It is all right to admit from observation that you as the observer and experimenter cannot perceive nor understand how something occurs. For instance, a statement like "The nature of SCP-XXXX's mulching process is unknown" or "The origins and nature of SCP-XXXX's mulching process remain inconclusive" sounds clinical and "objective" enough to exist in a report of this kind. Remember to be concise and to the point.