SCP Foundation

I look forward to all of your critique!

http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/wineclaw

Okay, here we go. This is a quick read since I'm a little pressed for time at the moment, but here are some of the most glaring errors I noticed in the first 5 seconds or so of reading:

• The "By order of O5-██:" bit is completely unnecessary. The O5 Council has way more important things to deal with. Attempting to artificially inflate the importance of your anomaly by having the top dogs issue an order about it tends to come off as tryhard and will result in downvotes.
• Ditto for the "Any personnel who ignore this order will be terminated after debriefing and clearing of Class-E status." part. It's really, really hard to find trained professionals, especially those with medical degrees. Terminating them left and right for something as small as eye contact is overkill.
• Why does the containment cell have to be 3.5 m x 3.5 m? Will containment be breached if one of the dimensions is 4 meters? If not, there's no need to require specifics.
• "if SCP-XXXX escapes it must be returned to its cell via an opaque container." > if no one is allowed to make direct eye contact with it, why not specify that a robot of some kind is to be sent after it? Or, heck, give it an enclosure inside the chamber, so there's two sets of walls it would need to have to go through before becoming an issue?
• Would a pair of semi-opaque glasses be enough to prevent direct eye contact? Or heck, why not just keep the thing sedated all the time? It can't make eye contact if it closes its eyes while asleep.
• Does this thing not need to be fed?
• Who has access to this anyway?
• It can be assumed that unless otherwise stated, all containment procedures are in place "at all hours". There's no need to repeat that.
• A lot of the description has overly flowery language that comes off as overdramatic or otherwise out of place in what should be a professional scientific document. Here are some examples:
  • "SCP-XXXX features long strands of hair" > "features" is non-clinical
  • "SCP-XXXX’s most striking characteristic" > "most striking" is subjective. Remove that.

Basically this kind of boils down to your standard generic monster manual entry, especially with:

Eye contact with SCP-XXXX reportedly causes emotional distress, painful migraines, and in a few cases a loss of consciousness.

What does emotional distress and migraines have to do with opossums? The death notice/explanation at the end with the removed eyes just sort of feels like a creepypasta insert tacked on to try to make this more compelling through fear (which doesn't really work too well these days if the insert seems too disjointed, given how many times people have tried that).

I recommend getting the base idea polished up in the Ideas and Brainstorming forum before you try fixing the draft.

The Agent reported a sudden, irrational feeling of anxiety once he made eye contact with the entity, later stating, “It felt as if that thing was looking within me rather than at me.”

This is not how humans talk. Even trained professionals such as the SCP agents would likely use shorter, more flowing terms. Rather than saying "as if", they would say "like". Rather than saying "looking within me, rather than at me", they would say "staring into my fucking soul", or "reading my mind", if in a more professional setting. Also, why wouldn't they just put a blindfold on it? Can't make direct eye contact then. Just my two cents.