SCP Foundation

This article needs a lot of improvement. To be perfectly honest, the strange formatting contributed the most to me losing interest by the time I got the description. This will not be a line-by-line level critique. This will be a macro-issue critique.

Once unconscious, SCP-XXXX must be brought back to its containment cell before it wakes. Anyone caught attacking SCP-XXXX after being rendered unconscious or while its not in A.S will be reprimanded.

This strange, bolded text that interjects itself into the article doesn't serve any purpose. The first time it's used, it was a jarring declaration that the information was updated. But this could easily have been turned into a notice or a mention somewhere else. This bolding gives Dr. Jay's update an undeserved amount of attention. The second time it's used, the example above, is clearly designed for emphasis. Emphasis and importance is earned, not instantly created by bolding the text. It is far better to let the content of the words do 99% of the narrative and emotional work, rather than throw in bolded, all-cap, italicized or otherwise twisted text. The third case is the form of a note. Same as before, the notice gets bolded without deserving its importance. The relocation of an SCP is not some strange thing that deserves the same stated importance of pre-emptively waking this thing up during containment. Because bolding text universalizes the impact, you trip yourselves up by doing this frequently. By letting the text itself do the work instead, you can allow the readers to develop the appropriate emotional response to each bit of information you deem important.

due to the nature of SCP-XXXX

This phrase is stated twice in the containment procedures alone. Avoid this. Not only does it make little sense in-universe since the Foundation assumes everything written in the Special Containment Procedures is there for a specific reason, but it's related to telling instead of showing. The ideal mixture would be telling us the containment proceudres in the procedures section, and then showing us why these procedures are warranted in the description. In this case, you feel as though you have to remind the reader that the procedures are designed to counter your SCP's effects. The reader knows already, and it's there are some, myself included, who find this critically problematic. We will talk about showing instead of telling later.

Description:

Object type: Humanoid Biped

Height: 2m

Mass: 140kg

Physical Appearance:

I stopped reading here, and would down-vote at this point too. This dossier style writing is extremely out of place in an SCP article. First of all, an SCP article is not a dossier; it is more of an executive summary than official lab report. In-universe, a Foundation official could ideally take a quick read of this and learn everything important they need to know about your SCP, as far as identifying it, recognizing its threat/abilities, and containing it. Out of universe, these are pieces of flash fiction in a technical format. That being said, there is no "Object type" precedent to follow, and I don't see one being set. Height and mass are not attributes that many readers can easily picture in their heads, nor are they attributes that an MTF team could immediately recognize in the case of a containment breach. I recommend jumping straight into the description. That being said, dedicating another section of your article to anomalous properties is silly and should be rolled into the description. Breaking up your description in this manner only bloats up your article to a fault, and I don't see any gains that this formatting could provide. Being this organized does not make your article sound more scientific.

the tendons contract and it attempts to destroy the anomalous object(s)

And now we address the biggest problem. This SCP relies entirely on destroying other SCPs. I don't know what your intention is in writing this, but this sounds like the prequel to some sort of SCP-pit-fighting log. No matter your intention, an SCP that is hostile to every other SCP means that it technically has nothing going for it when the Foundation stops it from interacting with other SCPs, which it will. This is a flawed concept in my opinion.

Due to the unknown properties of SCP-XXXX it is to be kept under heavy surveillance in the case of sudden activity.

Add a comma after "SCP-XXXX".

With the events that transpired after retrieval of SCP-XXXX, it was moved to Area-03S in the northern region of Canada.

This is a rather awkward sentence. A better structure would be: "Because of what transpired after the retrieval of SCP-XXXX, it has been moved to Area-03S, a site in the northern region of Canada."

SCP-XXXX is currently being kept at Area-03S, a small compound consisting of living quarters for staff and containment cell for SCP-XXXX.

The construction of this sentence would sound less awkward if there were articles in front of "living quarters" and "containment cell".

SCP-XXXX cell

Make this sound possessive, because otherwise this doesn't make sense. Either "SCP-XXXX's cell" or "The cell of SCP-XXXX", though the former sounds better.

SCP-XXXX cell consists of two cubes 2m apart.

You may want to clarify that one cube is somehow suspended within the other. Just reading this, I thought that they were next to each other and was confused when you started talking about the "outer" and "inner" cubes.

The inner cube, which acts as the main cell for SCP-XXXX is composed

Add a comma after "SCP-XXXX".

composed of austenitic steel layered with nickel measuring 2m in thickness.

You repeat the same thing twice. Just say they are identical in construction or something.

If such an event occurs, SCP-XXXX

Add the bold corrections.

until it's

While correct in usage, I generally consider contractions to be out of place in scientific-style papers like we are trying to emulate. This is just a personal thing, however, and you can keep this in if you want to.

while it's not in A.S

Add the bold corrections. What is "A.S"?

SCP-XXXX body

Again, add an apostrophe to indicate possession.

when within austenitic metals,

it enters what has been dubbed an alternative state

You should introduce this concept before abbreviating it, otherwise it gets confusing.

this occurs, SCP-XXXX's_tendons

While in A.S, its physical

This lab was located when a G.O.C task force and another unidentified group were found fighting outside it via satellite imagining.

This would sound better if you phrased it: "This lab was located via satellite imaging when a G.O.C. task force and another unidentified group were found fighting outside it." Otherwise, it reads like they were fighting using satellite imaging.

In concerns of that anomalous objects

Unintelligible.

Commander ███:

I can forgive the scarcity of normal punctuation because this person might be talking faster if they are overwhelmed by their experiences, but in general you should try to avoid long, unbroken paragraphs, especially in dialogue.

G.O.C as a researcher, Dr. Cardinal

This isn't a rule or anything, but judging by your username, some people may take this as a self-insert character, and those are frowned upon by some.

probably to stop an information leak.

This seems like a rather random assumption.

strewn about

Multiple.

Multiple what?

After 2 months of inactivity, SCP-XXXX

pizza she had gotten from SCP-458.

I'm not seeing the purpose of this cross-reference.

Eventually it made it to the cafeteria, where

shudder shutter

No casualties or containment breaches occurred.

You just said last sentence that it was a containment breach, though?

Upon Dr. Jay's request, two H.F.S.E were placed inside the cell

How did Dr. Jay think of this?

inquires inquiries

No further data could be recorded

please see MCF Kappa-12 Commander's debriefing.

This is short enough that it shouldn't be a separate article.

as him himself was an SCP

Unintelligible.

How's the idea?

Pretty average, in my opinion. There's not anything particularly remarkable or awful about it.

X-Men syndrome?

A little. The whole "sentient, confused creature what is sentient and confused and acts scared" has been done before and is a little one-note when trying to show personality.

What'd you like and dislike?

I wouldn't say I disliked anything, but I'm not crazy about the seemingly-random cross-references/tests. A lot of the supplementary material feels extraneous, as well, and probably wouldn't change the draft much if half of it were deleted. I thought the contrast with the bird names between Dr. Cardinal and Dr. Jay was clever, though.