CardinalSin , this feedback is too vague to be helpful.
In general, if an author has a draft with multiple errors, try to tell them how to fix the errors. If they're unfamiliar with proper formatting, telling them "it needs proper formatting" will likely not help them much. Additionally, if someone likes the idea of "something that kills you", telling them that their draft is nothing more than that will likely make them confused, since that's what they want.
Author, please use the templates available in the How to Write an SCP Guide, so you can have properly-bolded headings. With regards to conceptual fixes of this draft, go to the Ideas and Brainstorming forum, post a quick summary of the concept you want to write up (don't link the draft unless someone asks), and reviewers there can help you. We already have a lot of dangerous, violent SCP objects on the site already, and it's very hard to write something with that premise unless it's unpredictable or otherwise novel in approach.
