A giant tortoise that's the last of its kind. It has several pictograms on its shell, which, when touched, will transport the individual to various 'locations,' where XXXX will guide them. Essentially, this is how XXXX can relive its memories and rediscover its past. I know, cheesy AF, I'm not good at summarizing things :p
http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/indighost
It's the tab "The Ancient Tortoise" in the Drafts section. Some things I'd like help with are:
- Is it too short?
- Is the base concept iffy?
- Do the testing logs provide enough exposition for you to make a reasonable guess about the tortoise's past?
- Did the article draw you in? If not, how could I improve that? (better hook, content, payoff, etc.)
- Did I successfully evoke at least some level of sympathy for the tortoise?
And some minor things such as:
- Any awkward wording or clinical tone slip-ups?
And in case it didn't come through clearly in the article, here's the intended backstory I was trying to convey:
[Logs 1-2:] The tortoise is taking care of its eggs, but it's the last adult on the island; all the others died because of *reasons* (still figuring that out.)
[Logs 3-4:] He goes through a bit of an existential crisis considering he's the last one, and considers whether it's really worth it to stick around and take care of the hatchlings.
[Log 6:] One of the babies ends up hatching, but XXXX is so depressed at this point that he doesn't even care anymore - he spends most of his days in a secluded cave.
[Log 7:] XXXX returns to the nest one day to find that most of the babies have hatched, save for one. He makes a promise, both to himself and to the egg, that he'll do his best to take care of it no matter what happens.
[Log 8:] There's a large gap of time between this memory and the previous one. It turned out… it didn't matter whether XXXX was around for the hatchlings or not. Somehow, he's incapable (or has a really slowed process) of aging, which means… yup. He had to watch his last child and basically the whole island die around him, while he survived. Kind of morbid.
So after he's experienced all of these memories, he decides that he's seen enough and nobody can access them anymore, suggesting that he had sole control over his anomalous properties - this was the only way he could remember his past, and he hoped that someone would come along to help him experience it.
I assume that after this took place he would relapse into another existential crisis. Eventually, even the Foundation will rot away around him and he'll be the only one left, time and time again. And all he can do is wait.
Thanks for your time!
