Draft for first Scp
(account deleted) 16 Apr 2018 08:41
Draft for first Scp
Forum
» Writing Help / Help: Drafts Critique
» Draft for first Scp
Summary:
i need someone to please tell me how bad this is (its mine btw)
(account deleted) 16 Apr 2018 08:41
You have a huge issue with clinical tone here, a huge issue. When writing a document you need to stick to clinical/professional tone throughout the article. Example:
SCP-XXXX is big and scary, making people run in hopes of not getting torn to pieces. <That's what not to do
SCP-XXXX is large and seems to incur fear in those who view it. <This is more closely to what a clinical type of tone is.
Secondly, the image you posted is quite frankly poor and obvious what it is. I suggest you come up with a new image.
And lastly, the idea itself, I don't like it. Now a lot of this has to deal with tone as mentioned earlier but you also have the foundation act like this SCP's friend. That should never be something that can be inferred from just the description alone. Plus it's rather hard to believe that the foundation have no way to properly contain it, especially if you take in account what they already have locked up.
All in all these needs so heavy revising and I suggest you look at the guides on how to write SCPs and the current lowest rated page to get a good idea on what will and will not fly on here.
Happy writing!
This outright should not be posted anywhere close to its current state.
- This is very obviously self-insert, as the username described is your own username as well as being present on Steam with a near identical logo.
- It is riddled with errors in grammar, capitalization, spelling, and punctuation.
- It is entirely unprofessional in tone.
- It godmods and claims that this SCP is best friends with the highest levels of authority for absolutely no reason.
- The log titles make no sense.
- It is inconsistent in language, calling it 'he" at one early point in the document and then questioning the usage of a male pronoun later in the same document.
- It has absolutely no substance.
Honestly, I would scrap this idea entirely. It's clearly just self-insert fanfiction. If you want to take some ideas from this and make them unique while injecting other new aspects into it to flesh it out, go for it. But this is not going to work unless it's completely rewritten.
Nice critique
I see your point and i'm okay with it as for the name of it being the same as my user well i cant change my user and i know its no excuse but just so you'll know.
and this is what i got wrong last time i just made a page put a picture and just some words that said the old site so as you can see im not veary good once again its no excuse on my part so thank you for your critique.
… then change the "username" of the SCP you're writing so it's not exactly the same as yours. even then, you likely wrote this SCP to have all of your personality traits and opinions. that's just self-insert.
/forum/t-5736434/draft-for-first-scp#post-
page revision: 7, last edited: 17 Nov 2020 06:16
