Okay, here we go. This fell to page 4 with no replies, so this is a quick read. Here are my thoughts:
First off, the containment procedures read a little wonkily. You start out with "Any pregnant personnel must report immediately to Site-77 Administration to be transferred to another Facility." > this seems far too general. Should any pregnant personnel member in the entire Foundation be immediately reporting to Site-77? Or is it just Site-77 personnel? Also, no need to capitalize "facility" here.
Ditto for "Milk is not allowed at Site-77." It seems a little odd that that sole line of instruction gets its own paragraph. Furthermore, why must the SCP entity in question be contained at Site-77, if apparently pregnant personnel are at risk around it, and Site-77 may indeed have pregnant personnel? Wouldn't it be better to have the entity placed somewhere with fewer staff, especially staff who are unlikely (or unable) to become pregnant?
There's also a lot of excessively-complicated writing going on in several sentences in the draft, which makes it hard to read through the piece smoothly. For example:
In this room is also to be contained one D-class individual.
and
The process of its feeding is drinking, for milk; a constant and supposed uncontrolled mental leeching with range radius of 1.3km; and a controlled mental leeching on contact.
The first sentence is just excessively complicated. Just state that one D-Class individual is to be kept in the containment unit. The second sentence seems to use both bad science ("mental leeching" isn't really a clinically-defined process) and improper punctuation (semicolons are supposed to separate complete thoughts/sentences). It's also just generally confusing to attempt to read. Is it the milk that is being "mentally leeched"? Why bother noting the "process is drinking" at all if you're just going to toss in the "mental leeching"?
Overall… this just seems to be a garden-variety dangerous Keter thing. If there's more to it, it's kind of buried under confusing/overcomplicated wording. We've got plenty of monsters on the site already, so if you really want to make another scary monster happen, you will need both a unique concept and excellent writing ability to support it.
I recommend getting the base idea polished up in the Ideas and Brainstorming forum before you try fixing the draft. Go to that forum, post a quick summary of the concept you want to write up (don't link the draft unless someone asks), and reviewers there can help you make the idea more interesting and give you some advice on structuring the eventual article for smoothness of reading and narrative.
