This SCP is an old Mansion located in a forest, in ██████████ . Anyone who enters the house will think that it is just a normal house, until they will start hallucinating and see spirits of other people. Upon exiting the house the person will start experiencing severe coughing and headaches followed by nausea. After three days the subject will find it hard to concentrate and to do certain day to day activities. Finally after a week, in all cases, the subject suffered a deadly, spontaneous heart attack and died. The name of the victim will then be seen scribbled on one of the house’s interior walls and one of their important belongings will be found placed randomly in the house.
From my opinion, it doesn’t seem interesting enough to work, at the point it is right now. Try adding more interesting twists and details if you wish to stick with this concept. Also, the motive for even exploring the Mansion is lacking, i wouldn’t wish to go in if I was to hallucinate and die. I also have a few questions.
What do the spirits represent and who are they?
When your name is scribbled inside, what does that mean?
The spirts are the people that have died by entering the mansion. When your name is scribbled on the wall it means you have joined the spirits. I will add more details in my first draft, I tried to make the concept brief. Anyways, thanks for the feedback!
Agree with ecom. Death note kind of house seems too boring.
If you want anomalous house that hurt people just a plain visit>halucinate>run>die will not work.
Even poisoned hot dog from your long time friendly merchant have more plot twist.
Or iam just too used to horrors.
Back to anomallous house. What would you think about a maiden, trapped in the house, taking care of everything including random visitors.
Room for expansion left for further discussion.
I have thought about it, will this reason to enter the house work?
The house belonged to the wealthy couple ██████████ in the early 19th century. The couple died when the husband, murdered his wife during an argument which turned into a fight. The husband then proceeded to kill himself after realising what he had done. The riches of the family still remain in the mansion, a good target for thieves. When approaching the house also the spirit of the wife attempts to lure people in, still trying to find the perfect companion.
That is turning into interesting concept indeed.
Her husband could be protecting the riches while her wife would be caretaker of their mansion.
Whenever someone would leave the mansion with anything that the did not brought inside themselves. The husband will consider them thieves, showing to them as hallucination, resulting in death. Imagine driving a car. Seeing her husband in front of the ride. Turning the wheel and crashing.
Possession of the thieves could then appear in the mansion as a possession of the death couple. Adding to the variety of things people would like to steal.
Thanks for the huge help! I think in will try writing a first draft and posting it on the Darfts and Critiques forum. I will also consider your suggestions.