SCP-3229 is a young male approximately 9 years of age.
Young male what? A humanoid? If so, then state so and assume that the audience already recognizes being 9 years old as young.
He shares the same physical characteristics of any human male around his age, with one exception, a lack of both eyes.
This has no clinical tone. While I understand that you are trying to create a narrative build-up in this sentence, this is too dramatic to pass off as scientific writing. I would recommend instead using something similar to:
"Compared to a similarly aged, non-anomalous counterpart, SCP-3229 possesses no physical differences besides a lack of eyes."
The area around SCP-3229’s face where his eyes should be located shows no evidence of scar tissue, nor any indication that eyes were ever in the location at all. MRI’s of SCP-3229’s skull show that both eye sockets are missing, in its place is dense bone creating a seemingly flat surface where his eyes should be.
This carries on for too long. It would be far more simple to quickly, yet descriptively, get to the point. As it is right now, this is too much description to lead up to saying "According to MRI scans, SCP-3229's eye-sockets appear to have never existed, as solid bone comprises of these parts of its skull."
It is always better to be efficient, especially since it appears the sphere is the core of your article. Getting to the core as efficiently as you can will preserve the most amount of interest for when the reader gets to it.
The same MRI shows that SCP-3229 despite not having eyes as we know them, does indeed have optic nerves. These nerves, instead of being split into 2 branches for a set of eyes, forms one central shaft that seems to end at the dense bone at the front of SCP-3229’s skull.
First thing's first, it's generally a good idea to not use self-referential statements like "we." The Foundation is a detached entity. Secondly, this suffers from the same problem as before: too much for too little. The information you want to convey is that SCP-3229 has optical nerves bundled together into one shaft leading to the front of the skull(likely the forehead or whatnot). Rather than dancing around with the MRI already stated and what comprises of normal eyes, consider "SCP-3229 does, however, possess optical nerves which form a single, central shaft that projects through the skull's frontal lobe." The same information is conveyed and the reader gets to move on to the core of your article faster.
SCP-3229 is not blind, multiple procedures through obstacle courses prove that not only can SCP-3229 see, but can navigate through said courses with ease. As of [REDACTED] SCP-3229 has never made a wrong turn in any obstacle course procedure of any kind.
This deviates away from clinical tone. Furthermore, not every obstacle course is comprised solely of correct turns. I don't really buy that a 9 year old can get through an endurance obstacle, strength obstacle and so on because you don't write SCP-3229 as having any physical advantages in non-ocular areas. What I will buy, however, is that SCP-3229 can easily navigate a maze course.
When asked how SCP-3229 can navigate through the courses with such precision, he replies with, “It just seemed like the quickest way through”.
Unless SCP-3229 says nothing but this when asked, I would recommend changing the tense to past and specifying that this was a single testimony, or a summary of his typical responses.
When exposed to radioactive substances, SCP-3229 experiences what foundation officials are designating “episodes”. On [REDACTED], Dr. Simon Glass offered a present to SCP-3229 on what foundation officials designated his birthday.
There are some readers, myself included, who will reiterate that the Foundation is not a hotel and doesn't really care if an SCP's birthday has arrived. I would recommend simply having this be the result of accidental exposure to radiation during testing, or a checkup.
His gift consisted of a 1950’s Rolex with glow tipped watch hands, the glow tips of which were slightly radioactive, but designated safe for human use.
This simply affirms my previous point. A vintage Rolex is quite expensive and valuable. Furthermore, what use would a 9 year old have with it. This doesn't sound like anything other than a forced way to drive the radiation exposure forward. I would again recommend cutting this and making the radiation exposure the result of a workplace accident, not because of an elaborate birthday party.
Exactly 13 hours 26 minutes and 39 seconds
This is really specific. I would just keep it to 13 hours, unless this is the consistent time measured for every episode.
The sphere Had a perfect mirrir finish and appeared to be levitating above the surface of the cell floor, however, no energy readings of any kind were detected near the object, inside the cell, or around the immediate vicinity of the cell at any time.
"Mirror finish" is spelled wrong. The first "had" shouldn't be capitalized.
After the spheres initial arrival, it grew exponentially for exactly 6 minutes and 9 seconds. At this time it reached what is now considered “maximum volume” for exactly 1/3 (0.333 repeating) of a second. The maximum volume of the sphere was .785 meters cubed, or an exact height of 1 meter in all directions. After reaching maximum volume, the sphere began to shrink at the exact exponential rate of it’s growth, and exactly 6 minutes and 9 seconds after maximum volume, the sphere disappeared completely from SCP-3229’s cell.
I lost what remained of my interest here. As a reader, I don't particularly care about the exact time and measurements regarding this sphere over multiple stages. Remember, this is not the only report in existence on this SCP. Hidden away in a researcher's computer is probably a full novel's worth of measurements and data logs. This article is more often meant to be a brief executive summary so that anyone who reads it can quickly grasp everything important they need to know about this SCP. I would recommend giving a single time period of existence, and then describing that it grew exponentially from a starting size to a maximum size(measured in radius) before stating that it vanished.
After the event on [REDACTED], foundation personnel conducted an interview to hear SCP-3229’s side of the event, it reads as follows.
This has no clinical tone. The Foundation carries out interviews to learn information, the end. If you want to specify that this is to hear SCP-3229's side of the story, you can phrase it more appropriately: "SCP-3229 was asked to provide an account of the incident."
Dr. Simon Glass: Liam, alright Liam, can you tell me what you saw yesterday?
Liam: A ball.
Humanoid SCPs are still, for the most part, treated as objects. The interview log, typed post-interview, would never randomly switch to using the SCP's preferred name in the middle. I recommend sticking to just keeping this as SCP-3229.
