SCP Foundation

This is something that's been kicking around in my head for a few weeks. I decided to write it as a little breather from all the contest stuff.

I regret nothing.

Edit: This tale is dedicated to the memory of the Ultimate Warrior, Paul Bearer, Gorilla Monsoon, Jack Tunney, Doink the Clown, Curt "Mr. Perfect" Hennig, Macho Man Randy Savage, and all the other since-departed legends of wrestling who gave their all in the name of entertainment.

I didn't really find it funny. Audio Log 185-53 did it better.

The Ultimate Warrior, alias Jim Hellwig, was one of the worst wrestlers of all time. Not because he didn't know how to wrestle (he wasn't that good) or because he didn't know how to work a crowd (he did), but because he didn't appreciate anything that he was given as a performer.

Excellent wrestlers like Rick Rude or Randy Savage were the ones working their asses off to make him look half-way decent. This totally should have been Able versus The Undertakers. Two people who die and just keep getting back up again. The Urn versus SCP-072? That would have been friggin' excellent.

As it is.. It's not bad, and I could have really done without the Blackwood reference, but…

Jesus. This thing made me just grin the entire time. I think you really had to grow up with a lot of this to appreciate it at all.

So… Sure. +1.

Don't make me regret this.

All of my upvotes.

Truly a masterpiece. +1

I lost it the second the Ultimate Warrior opened his mouth. As is often the case.

My God. I'm ten years old again. D:

It greatly amused me that I could follow along with it. +1

And someone find a way to reverse Clef from the Infant-o-Ray.

This takes me back to the time in college when I actually watched pro wrestling. I enjoyed it more once I realized it was a soap opera based on ridiculous levels of machismo. Unrelated, this was also the same time that I watched the single season of DragonBall Z I ever saw, which I now realize I enjoyed for similar reasons. All the ridiculousness is there, even if I don't recognize half of the wrestlers.

ALL THOSE WHO FACE ME SHALL FALL LIKE DOMINOS ON A CHESS BOARD BEFORE THE MIGHT OF MY MONOPOLY!

This is brilliant. And also in character.

This is the best thing since the Able/682 rap battle. I am not even kidding.

The Unable pun, the Undertaker vs. 173, and Blackwood as Kurt Angle made me grin. And die a little, inside.

Upvoted.