This seems interesting enough, but something about it is just…off. I can't put my finger on what. Definitely shows promise, no vote for now
EDIT: reread it, changed my mind +1
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You use too many adverbs.
Aside from the fact that the last two paragraphs seem to be doing nothing but hinting towards an ongoing character, I like this.
Good grief, you're right. I'm not sure about adverbs but I did use the word "gradually" like 13 times. Just pruned half of them - thanks for the tip.
Krawl is a "character" in the sense that I felt the SCP was incomplete without the idea of a specific person in that capacity, but I really don't plan on doing anything with said character so anyone else feel free to knock yourself out. :P
Meh. All he does is detract focus from the rest of the scip.
Meh…
The SCP is based on the character of the Roman emperor Commodus, especially in the years leading up to his death when his staged gladiatorial exploits became more and more extravagant (he really did murder cripples dressed up as giants, according to at least one historian). The videos of building on a burned city and attacking killer whales represent the dreams of emperor Nero and emperor Claudius, respectively. The note accompanying SCP-1634 speaks of a "last unit" - indicating that SCP-1634 is the "next-to-last unit" while at least two others are already in circulation. Whose dreams might be encased in this final device, so lurid that this Krawl fellow (who has already knowingly signed his alias to graphic depictions of violence and cruelty) feels the need to treat it differently from the rest? In my mind: emperor Tiberius, who I've remembered since high school as the perpetrator (so it was rumored) of crimes far worse than murder.
Better Than Life, neural-interface VR software with sensory elements tuned higher than real experience, so food tastes better, sex feels better, pain hurts more, feelings are more extreme, ect. Sci-fi digital drug.
I upvoted when I got to the bit about whales. I like the rest of it, but somehow that pushed it into +1. I assumed there'd be others that were similar, so the arson crown was almost a gimme. But whales and other marine animals? Echoing Krawl's "you guys have weird tastes" sentiment.
Happy to have learned what steganography is.
This is pretty neat, and definitely feels like an MCD device. I wonder about calling it a "crown": it seems to be just a flat ring with teeth, from the description. I also question blackboxing the two single-digit numbers in the description. The time available to remove the thing after a dream seems like it, at the very least, would be something personnel would need to know for safe operation.
Heh. Technically it's not a crown, it's a circlet. But too many people are unaware of what that is, so either way someone will be dissatisfied. Regarding the blackboxes, they were originally numbers but I decided the numbers didn't leave enough to the imagination, hence the censoring. You do raise a valid point about them being necessary for safe operation but for now I'm inclined to think that anyone actually running an experiment would have access to additional documents including that information (i.e. uncensored copies but could also include things like full experiment logs for the other D-Classes) whereas it isn't really important for containment personnel or anyone else just having a glance at the file.
But if that's a hollow answer I'd be willing to defer to someone who knows better than me :)
Fair enough. re: "circlet", I always err on the side of technical, scientific and above all, specific language. I've learned so many words by coming here, it's not funny. But being precise is what science is all about, so don't worry if the real-world audience doesn't understand. That's what Google is for.
The above advice does have limitations.
+1
That was some weird SCP (a common MC&D product if you preffer) that did draw my attention inmediately.
That was definitely a good read. Only question: why do you have a [sic] after the word "Your"? That's the proper spelling of the word in this context.
I liked this a lot. I got the reference to the emperors (I do like my ancient Rome!) and though my mind went somewhere other than Tiberius for the last one (it went to a more… Greek influenced place), that works too.
I should like to thoroughly disagree Rumetzen, and while I would have liked it without the last couple of paragraphs, the idea of there being more of these things was very cool.
One question, though: the teeth are the actual emperors' teeth, right? And the circlet was constructed in the modern period some time… and then the KRAWL guy did the addition of the SD card recently? So, if they're able to get hold of the actual teeth… boy do MC&D have their connections!
Glad you enjoyed it.
The original idea is that "someone" confiscated the emperors' teeth for various magick purposes, perhaps most poetically taking place during Alaric's 5th century sack of Rome. They eventually found their way to another Anonymous in the 17th century who used esoteric technology and modern (for the time) metalworking techniques to incorporate them into the crown, making the first "proper" artifact. After they've spent a few centuries going the ordinary way of bewitched items, someone from MC&D tracks down the whole "series" and, with eyes likely turning into dollar signs, sees an opportunity to maximize profit via the SD-card "mod."
But of course your explanation works just as well, which is why I took a minute or two deciding whether to even type the above ;)
(account deleted)01:05 […] the perspective shifts from the tethered animals to the protagonist's right hand (now seen to be holding a late-Roman spatha sword)
04:04 - […] The gladius sinks several centimeters into the bovine's shoulder…
Is this the transformer-sword? ;)
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page revision: 7, last edited: 17 Nov 2020 06:16
