Author:
Wiiskey
Translator:jekyllgrim
Date of creation: 2012-05-12
Original: SCP-1092-RU in the Russian branch
Translation: SCP-1092-RU in the Translation Archive
SCP-1092-RU / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1092-RU.
Ok, so at first I was like, “this is weird, did the author take some extra poetic license during the translation? Or does it just read weird?” Because I hadn’t read any of the other new stuff from the INT branches.
And then I figured out what it was doing and it’s clever. Kind of reminds me of the screw in SCP-4000, but instead of being used as an addition to the core anomaly, it is the core anomaly. It’s fairly simple, but that’d only be a complaint if this was any longer than it is.
Good job. I look forward to more of these.
Yes, at first I thought it was just a peculiarity of translation, then it started getting annoying, then it got to the point I couldn't figure out how this article was ever accepted due to its complete deviation from scientific tone….and then I hit the last bit and realization smacked me upside the head. Enthusiastic upvote.
There's a reason this is the highest rated Russian skip on that website. Also, a note from the translator I'd like to share.
A NOTE TO POSSIBLE FUTURE EDITORS
I understand that this is an open platform and I shouldn't be overprotective of the text I wrote. However, please remember, while it's designed to look like a solid text (that was the design of the original), it's a POEM. And not just a poem but also a poem written according to Russian standards of rhyme and rhythm, which are very strict. (Not always perfectly, see post-scriptum.) And if you want to edit the text, I'd really appreciate it if you respected that rhythmic/rhyming structure of the text.
For that reason I reverted some changes that have been done and I'm adding this comment. If you change the number of syllables in a line or move a stress, the verse breaks. If you replace "we only" with "the Foundation", you move the stress from the 2nd syllable (we-ON-ly) to the third one (the-foun-DATION) and you turn 3 syllables in what sounds like 4 syllables (because "found" in "foundation" is a diphthong so it sounds longer than "we").
If you replace "inflaming" with "spurring" you change 3 syllables into 2 syllables, and you also remove the play on the meaning of inflame/inflamed/inflammation.
I understand that the choice of words and the structure of sentences isn't always perfect and doesn't always sound natural. I'm sure I don't have to explain to anyone that something like this happens in poetry often for the sake of rhyme and rhythm. While the examples above may seem like improvements to some, from the STRUCTURAL perspective they make the verse worse.
I would be happy to see this text actually improved, however, please be mindful of its structure and technical qualities before you decide to change it.
P.S. The structure of the text isn't perfect though. For example, in the line "Agents look for the sources of the object's effect", the part with "-ces of the" is too long, there's one extra syllable there. But I haven't found a way to rephrase it better (the easy solution would be to change "sources" into "source", but there are indeed many possible sources). So there are definitely some things to work on.
THANK YOU
Wanted to say thanks for getting it here and for all the nice comments. It has been tricky indeed, partly because poetry is hard, partly because poetry is perceived differently in Russian and in English (as well as by people whose native languages are different), but even though it took a lot of time I had fun doing it. I'm a professional translator but I rarely get the chance to work with poetry.
The original article also has an attachment written from a class D. I'll try to get it here as well.
Those who'd like to read it in a more traditional line by line format, you can find it here: [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-YyGJcltvWXS1sAbYiK40vtfVDJXZ8Ih97nOInWLMYw/edit?usp=sharing]
The article is arranged as a solid text, the same way as the original one, to be less obvious.
/forum/t-7833490/scp-1092-ru#post-
page revision: 5, last edited: 18 May 2020 23:10
