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Goo Goo Gaa Gaa, Baby Crit Ahead

Angryman, awaaay

Requested via IRC. Keep in mind I am not an official critter.

Re: Delusional telekinetic by deathbygindeathbygin, 24 Nov 2020 17:29

Thanks for the crit! I figured characterization of the Foundation would come up as an issue, I was iffy on it. I'll probably cut the MTF involvement, I think it complicated things internally too much anyway. It makes sense that the idea to exploit them should come from the O-5s themselves and not some low level rando, but for them to consider that the anomaly would need to be powerful enough for it to be worth it, so it needs to be a strong ability but not unreasonably so. I'm considering making it a thermal and kinetic energy only anomaly, maybe also limited by physical contact with objects. I definitely need a better story beat to end on for the escaped twin, you're right that the tone doesn't really work, the problem there is I don't want both characters ending up in basically the exact same situation at the end, I think it's kinda boring that way. Gonna have to think on that one and rework the concept.

How can I imply that 06-M was at some point a component of 315? A tough question.

Hmm. Maybe it'd be enough to like, introduce the idea that 315 is the kinda thing that can have components? It feels…weird. To be honest; I'm not necessarily sure that this actually needs fleshed out more? Like I don't get the implications but I think it's fine cos it helps add to the feeling here of everything being kinda surreal and weird?

Secondly, I agree with Polly being introduced too late. Do you think this could be rectified by having the glassed agent be one of the three that are introduced in the first chat log, or is it kind of an inevitable problem of how brief the tale is in its current form and where the death is placed? If it is the latter I guess this just needs to be quite a bit longer.

It might help? Possibly just using the one chat log featuring Polly to show what she's like more and like…really capture the idea of her being a fresh faced newbie would help?

Re: Tale: Unknown Angel by cybersqydcybersqyd, 24 Nov 2020 17:26

Goo Goo Gaa Gaa, Baby crit inbound

Angryman, awaaay

Re: Delusional telekinetic by Angryman22Angryman22, 24 Nov 2020 17:17

Hello fellow writers. I am Tacos4sale. I prefer to be called Taco or Tacos for short. Hope everyone is doing well. Can't wait to see what everyone's wonderful ideas.

I am a new Site Member, I might get things wrong, beware of this.

It just seems like it has been done before, and it's a reoccurring concept.

TL:DR: It's just to similar too other SCPs.

Reserved. Come back after 24-48 hours to see your critique

"The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world."
- Half-life 2

Thank you for your feedback.

I should of clarified he is only immune to most effects of SCPs he makes, not all SCPs. Also his motivation is to stop the end of the world. Also I should have clarified further with his SCP creation abilities he cannot completely control what the SCP turns out to be. Basically he is trying to create a guardian and constantly fails creating something weird say a town of giant telepathic plushies. I had this Idea way before I created my account I just decided to name it the same.

Again thank you for the feedback and will continue brainstorming.


So I didn't know what else to put here so I put a favorite quote, "Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus."

Seeking Greenlights:Yes

Page Type:SCP Article

Genre (Optional):(Other) Danger to public/horror

Page Layout (Optional):I plan on using a multi-document based format with the Item#, Class, Containment Procedures and Description being document i(one) each document after will have a specific purpose wether it be how this was discovered, to medical report or the tests done to attempt to understand the SCP

Elevator Pitch:The premise of the SCP is that there is a live broadcast on the internet that displays images with mind altering() properties that have fatal effects, the anomalous aspect is that of the inability to prevent the stream from existing.

Central Narrative:I have not thought to much on its central narrative other than how it was discovered so I guess my answer here is “none”

Hook/Attention-Grabber:After writing I started realizing this is a semi-unique SCP as it is contained, inside-out/not in the normal way you would expect. As the stream can switch web addresses when tampered with, it can not be directly contained from the outside, but it is possible to prevent things from entering in to it to prevent damage to those persons and possibly the people around them.TL;DR: It can get out IF IT WANTS, but entities can not get in.

Additional Notes:This could be considered world-ending as it can cause mass murder if a large enough audience is reached (prevented through successful containment) and enough people experience homicidal thoughts. Also if anyone understands the SCP well enough and can help, identify or inspire a narrative for me that’d be great.

Subnautica by far and away is my favorite. Destiny 2 is also pretty high up there, as is Breath of the Wild and Rocket League.


I’m eating your sandvich

Re: Video Games by USfyreGamingUSfyreGaming, 24 Nov 2020 16:11

Wonderfully human.

Human by jdalexjdalex, 24 Nov 2020 16:10

Firstly, thank you so much for your feedback. Very helpful.

I'm very conflicted on how to act on it though. I feel like much of the confusion vis a vie the plot comes from just how vague I am about what Malaecat actually is. I intentionally did my best to "not show the monster" in this regard, but since you're the second person who has left the story confused there clearly needs to be more. I've toyed with the idea of showing Malaecat's SCP card, but I can't figure out a way to do that that doesn't spell out everything for the reader.

How can I imply that 06-M was at some point a component of 315? A tough question.

Secondly, I agree with Polly being introduced too late. Do you think this could be rectified by having the glassed agent be one of the three that are introduced in the first chat log, or is it kind of an inevitable problem of how brief the tale is in its current form and where the death is placed? If it is the latter I guess this just needs to be quite a bit longer.

Re: Tale: Unknown Angel by OystershellOystershell, 24 Nov 2020 15:59

I personally like the Idea, sounds very interesting, and you need special procedures to contain them, in this case, treat them like royalty… You should create a sandbox page, if you don't have and show firstly this page to your friends, then the sand-box page

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): horror

Page Layout (Optional): containment procedure, then description and interview logs

Elevator Pitch: Two straight cylindrical poles that sticks out of the ground, and draws people to it. These people will eventually become a cult towards it because of the incredibly parallel nature of it. These people get slowly sucked away from reality and opt to be close to the poles and remain parallel to it at all times, dying. They also seem immovable and indestructible.

Central Narrative: a SCP agent is sent into the cult to investigate and is affected by its strange powers, giving a firsthand account in the interview logs. The foundation is forced to create a facility around these poles, operated solely by machines because of the attraction of the poles

Hook/Attention-Grabber: the poles are perfectly parallel, and seems to have been here for a long time
Additional Notes: please tell me if there are similar SCPs so I can make adjustments, or just scrap the idea entirely

"All right, partner, this is a Cayde riff in 6, watch me for the changes, and uh…try to keep up. Now let’s go to prison!”

-Cayde-6


I’m eating your sandvich

Have you tried Nvidia GeForce Now? It now runs on iPhone, but you need the iOS 14. My iPhone 7 can run 14 just fine. Go to GeForce and follow the on screen instructions. Create an account and play your Steam games for free. (I recommend Destiny 2) You will need a game pad that connects to your iPhone. (An Xbox One controller or a DualShock 4)


I’m eating your sandvich

Oi, thanks mate. The feedback is superb 👌. I decided to go with your suggestion of having the site using it to decrease fear in its workers and run with it. Once again, thank you.

Re: Fear That Walks by ThatKidRazThatKidRaz, 24 Nov 2020 14:52
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