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OK thanks for the feedback again!

Re: Reverse-Phish by dunc7fivedunc7five, 25 Feb 2021 10:47

I… actually kinda like this. Like, I have concerns that a lot of it feels like it might tap into similar narrative vibes as SCP-3333, and there's definitely a possibility that the middle section where the dude is wandering around will drag on a lot, particularly since there's still kinda a lack of stakes to the wandering; but it feels like if this is done well, it could be really good and so I'm willing to greenlight you.

Re: Well deserved vacations by cybersqydcybersqyd, 25 Feb 2021 10:46

Hola! Let's take a look at your SCP concept. (NOTE: I'm not an expert in critting)

When you have done all the things I mentioned above, PM me; I'll come back to crit your idea. Good luck!

Re: Multiverse Of Madness by 0Entity0Entity, 25 Feb 2021 10:43

I am very much thrown around when reading this. The message is not as clear as it could be I feel. I think that the interview, and the whole backdrop story of this SCP could work quite nicely however I am distracted by the different happenings of this story.

I am also distracted by the strikethrough text in the beginning which isn't answered until the last log. There are also blackboxes that are never answered, these make the reader think "why is this confidential?" - another distraction.

The balance between verbal text(text reliant on verb phrases, conversational) and more clinical text (reliance on noun phrases) is not very appropriate. There is a lot to unpack in the conprocs and description and the verbal text in the interview is way too long, they are monologuing way too much. This makes the text as it were, distracting.

All these distractions contribute to what the others have said in this thread. The text is laborious to read, it demands a lot from the reader.

I would say the biggest fix to this issue is besides working on the language actually revamping the idea. Your concept does not deal with one coherent theme or one cohesive idea. Try thinking about what you want to convey with your story and how you will do this coherently. As it stands, your concept drifts off into multiple ways: Your SCP is really a culturally specific object that causes invisibility, temporal changes, mind-effects, compulsions, damage and depression (by the way very lightheartedly used). Think about what feelings you want to evoke in the reader and what part of your idea is mostly essential to do that. You can keep parts of your narrative and see if it fits in with your revised idea after that. You can read this article and you'll get some good help on improving your idea: http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/ideation

And after that, please submit it to the Ideas forum.

This concept needs work by BrunzellBrunzell, 25 Feb 2021 10:41

I… feel like this still needs more of a like, sword of damocles hanging over the plot: like something tangible that we can point at as a like "this is what the bad end looks like"; whereas at the moment there's just a vague kinda "it'll keep taking brains!" and we never really have a feel for what the endgame is here? Like, will it take every brain? Will it enslave us to ensure it always has a supply of brains?

My concern is really that without this, it'll be really hard to get the stakes to feel as big as they need to be.

Re: Reverse-Phish by cybersqydcybersqyd, 25 Feb 2021 10:40

hmm. There's aspects to this that I like but I can't help but feel like it's like, two different articles awkwardly shoved together: like, you have this kinda fun wacky goofy hijinks section at the start; and then this dark and serious section at the end where the SCP dies; and it feels…awkwardly bridged between the two in that, it just kinda suddenly shifts from one track to the other; and it feels,,, like both would benefit from being long and drawn out and really being able to revel in it; whilst having both in the article would likely either lead to it feeling like two things shoved together or one feeling a little vestigial.

I gotta agree with ImpperatrixImpperatrix re kulik inc's involvement here: if you're making the scp eat their cereal, rampage between their factories and look like their mascot, you're making them important here; and it feels like you've gotta like, utilise that in some manner.

Re: Dine O's (Redux) by cybersqydcybersqyd, 25 Feb 2021 10:36

Voting in favour of deletion

Re: Staff Post - Deletion Vote by NaveilNaveil, 25 Feb 2021 10:32

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Drama/Emotional

Page Layout (Optional): Nothing extraordinary

Elevator Pitch: A chest that when opened is a portal to a medieval European castle and city. The citizens are all loyal and obedient to a King, who is a normal human from outside to chest.

Central Narrative: An explorative task force sent to investigate the inside is revered by the citizens, saying that all their past rulers have come from the porta. They eventually meet the king and discover that he was a destitute Hungarian man who discovered the chest in his attic while looking for things he could sell. He decided to escape reality inside and became revered by the people as a new king. The readers grow sympathetic to the King, before he suffers a heart attack in front of the task force.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: Exploration of an anomalous reality, interview with an interesting non-anomalous human, and a medical emergency in a difficult to recover situation.

Additional Notes:
After the heart attack, I’m not exactly sure where I want to go with this. I have a few ideas.

Idea 1: The king is extracted successfully and survives, but in an effort to be nonlethal, an operative is captured. A mission is sent out to recover the operative and his equipment, including modern weaponry. The army ambushes using their new divine weapon, and then and tries to invade through the portal to take revenge on the gods and reclaim their king, who is still in treatment.

Idea 2: The king dies before medical attention can return, and the guards capture the operative who was performing CPR. The guards ambush the medical team, and the story wraps up similar to idea 1.

Idea 3: Completely different take, the king is already dead before they get there, and the guards try to appoint the task force as the new rulers, but a misunderstanding results in a bloodbath.

Idea 4: You tell me! If you have any alternative ideas you think work even better in this premise, I’d be happy to consider them.

The Debtor King and the Chest by Dr GillsDr Gills, 25 Feb 2021 10:26

After lots of editing, crits and a lot of photoshop trying to get the image right, here he is, shroomy xD

This whole idea started cos i saw that mushroom in a dream i had and honestly, ive grown massively attached to the big guy. XD

Thanks massively to all my critters!

SHROOMY! by LeMuffinLeMuffin, 25 Feb 2021 10:25

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Page Layout : standard layout

Elevator Pitch: a portal that’ll lead somebody to different reality, staying inside for 7 weeks will cause the victim atom composition tangled and ended up with dematerializing.

Central Narrative: the scp has a storyline, 2 tales. The first is about danger the foundation need to be facing(about a reality invasion), the second tale is about an experimentation log, explaining about how the portal works, what cost is the foundation need to explore the portal universes

Hook/Attention-Grabber: the portal is leading to multiverse, most of it was a bad universe, but there's still a chance for it to lead you into a good universe

Additional Notes: this SCP will have 2 tales, titled “almost invaded” and “experiment goes wrong”. Basically about storyline and experiment, tell me if my idea was same to other SCP!

Multiverse Of Madness by Dr GuardianDr Guardian, 25 Feb 2021 10:12
Proposal Preference
Proposal I 0
Proposal II 3
Proposal III 0

I think that the holes left by Harmony's works can be filled with better, crazier, even more outrageous and fun canons. I don't want the SCP wiki to cling on like some desperate lunatic to someone that obviously does not want to associate themselves with us, whom is going to extra lengths to make themselves a public enemy. If they're planning to burn the bridges and make a mess while they're at it, let's completely severe our relationship and adhere to their requests, while giving opportunity to a new wave of writers to tie all of these loose ends. The SCP wiki does not belong to only one person, and everybody is an equal and has equal potential, so I say we let go and build up even taller!

🦀🦀🦀


can I get some nice "no signatures on my forum"
sigma-9 css machine broke broke
understandable have a nice day

by stormbreathstormbreath, 25 Feb 2021 10:06

As soon as I saw the interview where she rejected the new interviewer, I thought "this is a Cupidcon entry isn't it? It's cute." But then the incident Log came in.

+1

by YormoongandYormoongand, 25 Feb 2021 09:56

gg bleep


~🏵~Flower Power~🏵~

by LilyFlowerLilyFlower, 25 Feb 2021 09:52

place holder. gonna Crit when its NOT 2am.


"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"

What is the LoAI?

Re: -1 by ColdCarnageColdCarnage, 25 Feb 2021 09:34

I also know that Series VII is not open yet, and I am more than willing to wait for it to open so I can publish the SCP on the Mainlist.

As a note, Series VI is open and you can add the SCP to that list when it's ready; there's possibly also open slots in earlier series too but generally you're looking at something in series 6.


At the end of the day, the big question this pitch raises in me is "So what are you actually doing with this?": you spend a bunch of time telling me exactly what the SCP does but like, what do the Foundation do? What does the article contain beyond just describing the SCP? How are you creating a sense of horror with this? What are the action scenes you may be including?

At the moment, this comes across as a generic murder monster and you're really going to have to do something more interesting with it than just that to make this work.

Re: My first SCP Concept by cybersqydcybersqyd, 25 Feb 2021 09:33
gee0765gee0765 25 Feb 2021 09:24
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » Thread

🦀🦀🦀

by gee0765gee0765, 25 Feb 2021 09:24

I’ll give a quick and overall review since I’m not good with LBL. I might come back and give additional thoughts on it later.

The idea is well thought out. I think one problem I have right now is that there is too many information thrown at me at the same time, and it’s hard to process all of it. Also, you need to fix those giant walls of text, cut them up paragraph by paragraph. It’s hard to read and frankly a bit boring.

Overall though, the idea is very complex and i think with much reorganization and work, it should look much better.

Re: Mayan Blue by DrWhiteFoxDrWhiteFox, 25 Feb 2021 09:23

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): not sure

Page Layout (Optional): standard with addenda such as emails, test reports, updated containment measures.

Elevator Pitch: The SCP is a wannabe. Its only anomalous property is that somehow it’s able to keep relentlessly presenting itself to the Foundation to be classified as an SCP, and to make its case that it should be contained. Its motivation is a desire for status and acceptance. It basically wants the highest possible level of security applied to it.

Central Narrative: Each time it presents itself (to different agents who haven’t had a chance to cross-check with each other yet) it receives feedback on why it doesn’t meet the criteria. It will make claims of abilities and properties that, when tested, fall flat. It is somehow always able to convince agents to conduct the tests and listen to it but its persuasive powers can’t counter the evidence of testing. Sometimes it reacts with despair, sometimes with harmless rage, always with an expression of determination to prove itself worthy.

Eventually the Foundation team join the dots, realise what a drain on resources this thing is, and that its ability to keep turning up and successfully making appointments for interviews and tests is in itself a theoretical danger, and “contain” it with a safe status in comfortable accommodation. A stringent cost-benefit analysis shows that this is a more efficient use of resources. This placates it for a while but then it starts to complain that actually it’s far more dangerous and deserves more stringent containment measures. It starts once again making claims and setting up tests etc, which again suck up resources. If the SCP isn’t happy with its containment level it simply manages to somehow arrange more interviews and tests. It never uses, or can’t use, this ability for anything other than its main objective. It gets to the point where this is such a nuisance and so costly that it does in fact achieve top level containment measures with a full MTF team guarding it etc. Ethical standards prevent it from simply being killed.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: Anyone who has tried to get a greenlight will probably sympathise with a wannabe SCP! Explores the resource constraints of the Foundation.

Additional Notes: I would have to do some research to establish a realistic cost-benefit analysis.

The Wannabe by dunc7fivedunc7five, 25 Feb 2021 09:03
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