Goose Runner

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The Goose, The Bad, and The Ugly
<< Part I | Part II | Part III >>

Benjamin Kondraki ran down of the hotel's fire escape. Blood was dripping from him as with each step as he tried to get away from his attackers.

The geese quietly followed the trail of blood left by their designated target. The assassins cornered him in a dark alleyway, where he raised his weapon ready to shoot. To his horror, the gun only gave a laughable click when he pulled the trigger. The geese charged towards him in a swarm ready to end him once and for all.

"It can't end like this…." Kondraki thought as he started punching the creatures that wanted him dead. Though it was a merciless fight, they were just too many - he couldn't take them all at the same time. As he threw his final punch, he slowly collapsed to the ground, allowing the vicious beasts to pierce into his flesh and end him forever. "Goddamnit," thought Benjamin Kondraki, as the life faded from his eyes.


Jeremiah Cimmerian ran outside of Site-19. Rushing into his yellow Nissan Skyline GT-R, and started to drive off. The ride was rather calm until his phone got a message. Cimmerian opened it not really knowing who the sender might be, though secretly hoping it might be Kondraki.

Jessie Rivera: You ready for the date tonight? ;)

It turned out it was his, well, girlfriend was not the best word to describe their relationship. Jessie was more of a girl-friend that also happened to be a potential partner. Of course, Cimmerian totally forgot about the planned diner, so as he read the message he squealed a bit inside. Shortly after, the man in the yellow suit replied, wanting to sound like a responsible adult:

Jeremiah Cimmerian: Sure, I even got us a table at Chef's…

Jessie Rivera: No you didn't! Isn't the place like extremely expensive?

Jeremiah Cimmerian: Nothing's too expensive for you :3

Jessie Rivera: Aww <3 well, see you there!

Just as Cimmerian was about close the messaging app, his car bumped into something. As unexpected as that was, he hit a goose - upon further inspection, he realized it wasn't any kind of goose - but one of those with the damn symbol on the back of their head. After a quick look around, Cimmerian was sure nobody was near him - the man quickly dragged the goose into his car and tied it up. Waiting for it to finally awake, he relaxed for a moment, putting on Bad Blood by Taylor Swift onto the radio. After a couple of minutes, the Goose awoke surrounded by torn Valentine cards and the smell of burned tuna, realizing it was tied. The animal started honking like there's no tomorrow, thinking it would be the end of its short life.

"Please, just shut up, can't I have a break for once?" Cimmerian said to the goose as he slapped it across the beak. "Wait, no," he thought as he realized what he just did. "Look - I'm not sorry, but I need you to talk to me, okay? That's the only way you're getting out of this car" - the only response he got was "QUACK!". "Okay, I know that you are angry and hurt, but come on, at least show me where Kondraki is," Cimmerian said, trying to put on a seductive voice.

"QUACK!"

"You're definitely not a talker, I see," he said while slowly pulling out his 9mm pistol.

The reaction was immediate.

"Alright, alright, dude, I'm a goose, hold on, we can't talk, so please put that gun away!" - The goose replied scared in a scratchy voice.

"Wait… fuck! I-I mean duck!" the goose cursed as it accidentally revealed it's secret.

"So, are you going to talk now, or do I have to make this unpleasant? - Jeremiah asked while readying his gun.

"I don't know! P-please, I'm telling the truth! Though I think the others mentioned a hotel or something, and pretty shitty one according to them! That's all I know!" the animal replied.

"A shitty hotel you say…" Cimm mumbled into himself. "Thank you. Thank you for being a worthwhile investment".

"So… you think you could maybe untie me now? You have no clue how uncomfortable those ropes are."

"Yeah, about that…" Cimmerian said as he shot the bird six times. "Nothing personal."


Equipped with the new information, Cimmerian started his car back up and headed out towards the shadiest hotel in the entirety of New York - Hotel Paradise - the place he hoped to find Kondraki.

Upon arrival, the man quickly made his way towards the hotel, rushing through the city, not really carrying if his actions were friendly towards the law. When he arrived at the hotel, Cimmerian quickly admired the view of the night sky before entering the building and heading for the receptionist.

"Ermmm… Excuse me, miss, can you tell me which room Benjamin Kondraki resides in?" - Jeremiah asked politely.

"Sure, but I really need a good reason… Why are you asking?"- the receptionist asked as she looked from her computer.

"I'm his doctor, and he is in need of immediate help," he replied quickly.

"If he needed it so badly, why didn't he just tell you where he lived?" she replied, doubting the man in the yellow suit. "Also, isn't a yellow suit a bit too weird for a doctor?"

"Look, he was about to tell me right as he passed out…" - Cimmerian tried to be as convincing as he could. "And the suit is a stylistic choice!"

"That seems oddly convenient… May I see your license or some document that confirms what you say?" the woman said, wanting to make sure.

"Jesus goddamn…. here - have my doctor's license. Will you please finally tell me where he lives? If he dies because of you, I swear to god-"

"Alright, alright! Fair enough. Just sign here. If anything bad happens to that room then, well, it's on you. It's 204, though you'll have to use the stairs - the elevator is down for repairs right now."

"Thank you!" said Jeremiah, before giving the woman a wink and heading of.

"Uh… thanks too, I guess?"


Cimmerian headed up the stairs and soon arrived at room 204. He loudly knocked on the door. When no one opened, Jeremiah forced it open and slowly stepped inside.

The entire room was a ginormous mess - everything one could imagine was thrown around it - clothes, furniture, personal items - you name it.

"Holy shit, what happened here…?" the man said to himself as he inspected the room some more.

It didn't take long to find something that could be a potential clue - bloodstains all over the bedroom and the entrance lead to the balcony. Jeremiah decided to follow the trail hoping it might lead him to something.

The trail leads him down the fire escape ladder. Confused at first, he arrived at the end - what the man saw shocked.

Benjamin Kondraki, all ripped up and wounded.

"Oh fuck, fuck, shit fuck, fuck! - Cimmerian exclaimed loudly as he rushed towards the hopefully-not-dead body.

"Shit, shit, fucking shit" he cursed some more. '"Oh, please tell me you have a pulse, you stupid motherfucker… Fuck!"

He stood up and checked his surroundings. The alleyway was covered in blood. The corpses of a total of five dead geese laid around the backstreet - with one cut up from a glass shard.

The man headed towards the body and investigated the wound.

"Reality anchor technology? What the…?" - Cimmerian asked himself before examining a different goose, this time using his pocketknife to do the job, only to reveal insides almost identical to the last ones.

"Of course, they are anti-reality-benders - as if getting hunted by geese wasn't stupid enough…"

Just as Jeremiah stood up from the examined body, a blindingly bright light appeared in front of him.

When Cimmerian's eyes regained vision, he saw a white man with blond hair and green eyes, holding a goose by its neck, seemingly choking it. Then, Jeremiah noticed something small around his neck - a silver amulet with a ruby in the middle of it.

"Bright?" - Cimmerian asked - "Where on earth have you been all this time?"

"It's a story that Includes 507, lots of geese, and is way too long for me to tell it whilst fighting… this thing!" Bright shouted, still choking the goose. "Die, you goddamn Christmas Dinner!" he added.

"So, you have a problem with those birds, too," Cimmerian said, getting closer to Bright.

"Wait, so you've been attacked by them as well?"

"Yeah. So was Kondraki. They… they got him."

"Oh. Those bastards…" said Bright, tightening his grip on the animal - "Come on Cimm, help a friend out!"

"Sure thing," Cimmerian replied as he stabbed the bird straight in the neck, making it gasp for air until it gave off its final noises and collapsed into itself.

"Finally." Bright sighed as he released the goose from his grasps. "That was quite the close fight if I'm honest."

Both men rested for a minute.

"So why on earth are you on 507?" Jeremiah asked.

"Well, my other body got destroyed near him and well, from what I believe he touched it by accident, which is a goddamn statistical error," Bright said, trying to tidy up his outfit.

"And?" Cimmerian asked, wanting to know more.

"When I took over, his body shifted, and we landed in a dimension in which everyone, including you, was a woman."

"Was I hot?" Cimmerian asked.

"What?"

"What?" Bright responded looking dumbfounded. "Anyway… Even in that dimension, we weren't free of those long-necked monsters. When we were about to shift back, a goose lunged at us, and, well, you know the rest."

"We should get you a new body. I don't think you and 507 being connected is a good idea." Cimmerian said, disposing of the recently neutralized bird.

"Sure." Bright replied, his eyes wandering in search of a potential new host.

After a while, both agreed that a stray calico cat would be a good fit for Bright, and they put the amulet over the animal's neck.

After a couple of seconds, SCP-507 was back to his senses, which he demonstrated by kicking Bright in the face. Being hit by the sudden knockback, he toppled down and landed on his fat animal ass.

"What the fuck man, what did you do that for?" Bright asked, completely surprised, looking angrily at 507.

"Why?! Let me think… maybe because I nearly got killed because of you, and because you took control of the only thing I can actually oversee - my body!" SCP-507 complained, attempting to hit Bright again.

"Oh, come on, the geese attack was your fault! Also, animal abuse is punishable here, you know!" Bright said, trying to calm his oppressor.

"Oh, you fucker… come here!" the dimension-shifter said, rushing towards Bright.

"Oh, no you don't!" Cimmerian said as he put himself between SCP-507 and Bright. "Stop this right now, you are grown adults, for God's sake!"

"Stay out of this, Cimmerian!" - 507 pushed the man, as a result getting all three stuck together.

Suddenly, a blinding light appeared near all of them. Bright, Cimmerian, and SCP-507 felt their bodies being turned inside out and unraveled into a new, unknown reality.

"Well, fuck.”

The Goose, The Bad, and The Ugly
<< Part I | Part II | Part III >>

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