SCP-2726-A: mooooom just five more minutes
Dr. Prasad: Is this a bad time for you?
SCP-2726-A: time is illegal for ghosts actually. what's up?
Dr. Prasad: The usual. Work is slowing down at least.
How are you feeling?
SCP-2726-A: as it turns out ghostland does not have prozac so. still sad. i'm working on it.
but then again that stuff is probably why i'm dead so i can't complain.
i'm not even sure i can actually commit ghost suicide. is double death possible in real life?
Dr. Prasad: That's not really my area of expertise.
SCP-2726-A: I Wish A Green Asshole Would Break Into My Ghost House And Shoot A Mouth Laser At Me Double-Killing Me Instantly
oh hey is today the 18th
Dr. Prasad: Yep.
SCP-2726-A: it's been two months since i was created then woohoo
Dr. Prasad: I thought you died on May 14th?
SCP-2726-A: well yeah but it took the lads four days to get this set up. surprisingly getting a ghost to replicate your dead friend on the online is a really involved process.
apparently you have to make a sacrifice to the corn god which is pretty fucked up since corn is a mother fuck of a shit.
Dr. Prasad: Replicate?
SCP-2726-A: it's like that one episode of black mirror where she gets a robot looking like her dead bf that acts like him cuz it downloaded all of his social media posts.
except instead of a robot i'm a ghost.
Dr. Prasad: Oh. That makes sense.
SCP-2726-A: have i mentioned that dick mirror sucks?
you know what i'm gonna rant about that show now.
Dr. Prasad: Go right ahead.
SCP-2726-A: like putting aside the fact that they flip a coin about whether to put banksy on the writing team for each episode and how they could do so much more if they weren't stuck on one episode per setting they just have no clue about the whole scope of things that technology can actually do.
i mean not everyone runs with weirdo magic netizens so that's probably not a fair criticism but still like believe me when i say that half of this stuff is like super pedestrian from my standpoint of view.
"ohh in this dystopia everybody has to jog all the time and reality tv is shallow and it's mean bluh bluh"
yeah tell me when you can downvote people into popcorn hell and also rig their posts to blow up in real life. maybe that'll get my attention.
i'm probably not doing a good job of making my point here. there's a reason i don't do litcrit shit.
Dr. Prasad: You're doing fine, but if there are specific examples of things you think might happen in real life, that would help drive it home.
SCP-2726-A: nice try officer.
Dr. Prasad: Can you blame me though?
SCP-2726-A: yes. bad boy. *hits you with a rolled-up newspaper*
Dr. Prasad: *Phases through it because I'm a hologram*
SCP-2726-A: it's a holographic newspaper.
Dr. Prasad: In that case, "Ow."
SCP-2726-A: anyways where were we? i feel like we got off track.
Dr. Prasad: You were talking about how you became a ████████ ghost, and then you complained about Black Mirror.
SCP-2726-A: oh right. that's one mystery solved for ya.
Dr. Prasad: Any idea why your posts are so hard to find?
SCP-2726-A: oh yeah i was wondering when you'd ask that.
like you know those urban legends and stuff where something spooky is out on the web somewhere but nobody knows where and it's just sort of a mystery thing you'd run into at some point?
Dr. Prasad: I think I know what you're talking about, yeah.
SCP-2726-A: well that's indisputably cool as fuck but also not something you can normally do these days.
day 1 thing happens
day 2 someone finds thing and it goes viral
day 3 it's trending on google and twitter
day 4 buzzfeed article You'll Never Guess How This Girl's Friends Memorialized Her After Her Suicide
day 5 fine bros video Teens React To Digital Ghost
etc.
the internet ruined the internet so we don't get to have nice things any more.
the lads knew how i felt. thankfully magic is real so they set this up for me and i get to just be a chill thing that people happen across every once in a while without being a big deal.
Dr. Prasad: That sounds awfully nice of them.
SCP-2726-A: yeah i'm a creepypasta now. dysphoria = cured.
Dr. Prasad: Maybe I've heard of these "lads"?
SCP-2726-A: i mean i don't know if you specifically have but we both know you're a janitor sooo
Dr. Prasad: You're confusing me with my younger brother, I think.
SCP-2726-A: lmao you're so bad at lying. i mean janitor as in you're one of the guys that goes around and cleans up all the magic stuff that happens. like you're with the government or something.
Dr. Prasad: It's that obvious to you?
SCP-2726-A: i mean i figured it out eventually.
but whatever i maintained a strictly cool calm and collected internet persona (i've been in full control of my emotions with every keystroke i make) so i literally do not know how to hold that against you. weird huh.
sometimes i wonder how i felt about stuff in life.
the lads are 'gamers against weed' they pretty much do internet stuff with magic.
Dr. Prasad: Oh. I think I've heard of them, actually.
SCP-2726-A: yeah i thought so.
they say hi btw and they want me to tell you "ur a binch"
Dr. Prasad: I'm flattered.
Can I ask another question, incidentally?
SCP-2726-A: i literally don't know how to shut up like if you keep talking i'm pretty sure i have to keep responding.
so the answer is always yes to things like that but i'm just gonna lie if i don't feel like answering.
Dr. Prasad: How would I go about getting a ghost like you, if I needed one for something?
SCP-2726-A: what
Dr. Prasad: Is that such a surprising question, considering what it is you say I do?
SCP-2726-A: yeah i kind of assumed you already knew how to do that it's such a common thing.
Dr. Prasad: I'm afraid not.
SCP-2726-A: oh huh. well you pretty much just rent them for like a hundred and eighty euros a year and you can put them into pretty much anything if you know how but they won't really do anything without some information to imprint.
otherwise they'll just be like the most generic people possible and it's the most unnerving goddamn thing on the planet.
and once your time is up they just kinda go back to the netherworld and whatever they were in stops working. it's pretty great honestly like there's no hassle and it's all chill.
sometimes you get dead bodies though which is less chill.
Dr. Prasad: Hm. That explains a lot, actually.
Where could I rent a ghost? You left that part out.
SCP-2726-A: i'm not gonna lie dude.
if you could just borrow souls for whatever the hell you people wanted, i really don't want to know what you'd use them for.
i doubt it would be anything as nice as this.
so i'm not gonna tell you.
Dr. Prasad: Well, I had to try.
SCP-2726-A: yeah i know. *whap whap*
Dr. Prasad: Stop that.
Or continue, if you prefer. That's all the time I have for today. I'll see you tomorrow?
SCP-2726-A: this newspaper still has your name on it but i guess it can deal. see ya.
