SCP-4808
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shaggy-dog.jpg

An instance of SCP-4808-1 found in the home of [DATA REDACTED]

Item #: SCP-4808

Object Class: Canine

Containment Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Morgues worldwide, especially in middle-class areas, are to be monitored for manifestations of SCP-4808-1. Foundation personnel disguised as animal patrol are to bring SCP-4808-1 to the nearest Foundation site. Once SCP-4808-1 is verified as non-anomalous, they are to be put into the custody of local animal shelters.

Description: SCP-4808 is a recurring phenomenon affecting recently deceased human cadavers1. The cadaver will be replaced with a specimen of Canis familiarus2, designated SCP-4808-1.

In all cases observed, SCP-4808-1 is a non-anomalous, healthy dog of average age. However, all specimens of SCP-4808-1 thus catalogued have been of breeds with blue, thick coats.

Additional Notes: Demographic data of the 309 recorded subjects of SCP-4808 have revealed certain patterns, listed below.

  • 81% of subjects are unmarried.
    • 93% of subjects do not have children.
  • 95% of subjects are described as "introverted."
  • 85% of subjects make yearly salaries of less than $30,000.
    • 70% of subjects are unemployed.
    • 51% of subjects have some kind of disability that makes it difficult to find employment.
  • 89% of subjects die from old age or another age-related malady.
    • 34% of subjects have one or more failed suicides in their history.
  • 96% of subjects either dropped out of or failed secondary schooling or college.
  • 98% report feeling unfulfilled in their lives
  • 100% are reported to have called their lives "a joke" at some point on social media.
  • 100% are mildly allergic to dogs.

Addendum: Incident Report

PoI-32813 was found dead in their home due to self-termination by hanging. An instance of SCP-4808-1 appeared; however, its throat was slit and the specimen was dead. Investigation of PoI-3281's apartment found several other suicide implements, all broken. PoI-3281's suicide note is as follows:

It's all a joke, just a long, unfulfilling joke. The punchline isn't worth it. No matter what I try, the punchline isn't worth it. Why not just cut the joke short?

If my entire life is a joke, it's not even a good fucking joke.

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