SCP-5595

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2/5595 LEVEL 2/5595
CLASSIFIED
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Item #: SCP-5595
Safe

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Site-322


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SCP-5595

Special Containment Procedures: If needed, a low-level containment cell is available for SCP-5595 in the safe-class wing of Site-322. Following an Ethics Committee and Security Department confirmation, SCP-5595 is permitted to remain out of its chamber and assist personnel in their daily tasks.


Description: SCP-5595 is an unbranded gumball machine that believes it is a member of Foundation personnel.

SCP-5595 consists of a red-painted steel body and a glass dome which acts as its visual and auditory organs. A metal cap sits on top of this dome with a keyhole embedded into it. All attempts made towards the removal of the cap have failed. Below the body portion is a one-meter long steel pole extending into four curved legs.

SCP-5595 is sapient and is capable of speech via a supposed speaker system within its main body. Its voice is highly modulated and barely intelligible at times, sounding as if it is underwater and/or originating from a rotary telephone. Using the wheels attached under the legs of its stand, SCP-5595 is capable of self-propelling locomotion and short-distance jumps, these are used to ascend and descend staircases. SCP-5595 has a tendency to topple over, often requiring assistance.

SCP-5595 was recovered in the first-floor lobby of Site-322, claiming to be "the Substitute Site-Director" following Site-Director Paul Lague taking a personal leave of absence. Recovery protocols were enacted and SCP-5595 was subsequently captured and placed in a Safe-class containment chamber.


Addendum One — Primary Interviews



Addendum Two — Further Incidents


SCP-5595’s investigations began on 3/30/2017. Surveillance logs show it conversing with personnel on their lunch breaks, and overall acting as an amicable, albeit somewhat intrusive, addition to the cafeteria.

SCP-5595 made a single discovery during the first six months of its investigation. In a frenzied state, it demanded a meeting with Director Lague. Upon being granted one, it revealed that the kitchen staff had replaced mashed potatoes with mashed cauliflower in an attempt to “poison staff.” Director Lague thanked SCP-5595 for the vital information1 and allowed it to return to the cafeteria to continue investigating the foodstuffs.

On 1/12/2018, documents relating to the Site-322 budget were not delivered to Dir. Lague. After a backtracking effort, it was found that all documentation had been in the possession of SCP-5595.

A short meeting attended by the Site-322 staff was held, wherein a discussion regarding the possibility of allowing SCP-5595 to work in an assistant position was discussed. A majority was reached, mostly consisting of the frequenters of the aforementioned A proposition was drafted, sent to the Ethics Committee and Security Department, and later approved.

Currently, SCP-5595 operates as Dir. Lague's anomaly insight supervisor and personal financial assistant.


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